I should start randomly messaging people this

A horse? Seriously? No way can this guy win against a horse. Have you seen horses? They’re huge.
- Fast too! And have you counted the legs?? DOUBLE the number, I shit you not!
  
  Thank you for not shitting me, that sounds more unpleasant than fighting a horse...
  
  No arms though.
- When people say stuff like this, I assume they never lived much outside of cities, and never had much contact with animals, besides pets. Seriously, a horse? Even smaller animals can be a challenge. Most animals are stronger and/or faster than us, and have fangs, claws, etc.
  
  I mean I or you certainly couldn't get it in PvP. But if you can scare it enough so it starts to run, a human (of old times) would win.
  If you have trail finding/following skills, you can literally chase it to exhaustion. Humans have one of the best stamina in the animal kingdom. We used to chase animals until they just couldn't move further. Apart from hunting in groups, that was our thing.
  
  A horse is just an intense will to die on four legs. You can defeat a horse by feeding it after it runs around for a little while.
- But it has 3 more! You've just made a temporary tripod angry and it kicks with one whole horsepower.
- Prep time. I choose to use that prep time to install a cattlegrate. I am now basically guaranteed the win.
  Or, i bring along poisoned grain and something to hide in/out of the horses reach.
- Ponies are horses too.
  
  Yeah but they also have powerful magic
- Maybe a miniature pony I could take. Pretty sure I could put one down in a rear naked choke hold. There's not a danged thing I could do against a horse that wants to fight me in unarmed combat.
- Yeah but if you have prep time, you can make a massive spear and thrower (I forget what those are called), an able bodied man could probably take a horse with one of those.
  
  Do you mean atlatl?
  
  I don't know anyone (who is not already a professional in this) who could make a spear in an hour. Best most would do was to get a couple of injuries while trying to make a spear.
  
  Javelin?
  
  With enough prep time, you can purchase a shotgun. More than half a pound of lead pellets will bring a horse down if it's delivered at the typical velocity.

What the fuck is a horse going to do with prep time? That being said, I am not confident in a 1v1 against an animal with more muscles than myself, even if incrediblely fragile.
Pink fairy armadillo, on the other hand, would be absolutely obliterated by me in unarmed combat.
- It will spy on your preparation. Make a plan. Make at least 7 alternative plans, each with contingencies for all your preparation. That's the horses advantage - bigger head means more space to store plans.
  Of course it might get spooked by a leaf and fucking die for no reason. You never know. You can't know. That's what makes them so dangerous. To you, and to themselves.
  
  I wish to subscribe to your zoology podcast 😂
  
  My prep would be to meet in a field of gopher holes. And hope for the best.
  That's it. That's my plan. Which is to say, no plan at all.
- Decoy armadillo
- Warm up the old 5th leg so it can Mr. Hands you to death.

I feel like prep time gives the human the advantage, prep is basically our whole thing and you can make a lot of sharpened sticks in an hour.
- I've been around a few horses. If the horse knows you're coming for it, it can and will make you regret it.
  
  I dunno, if you can sharpen a few sticks and are able to throw well the horse stands little chance.
- Like fr what's a horse gonna do with prep time?
  
  Eat alfalfa. Jump the fence and be 10 miles away from where you expect it to be. You'll never find it before you have to sleep, and that's when it'll get ya.
  
  Make decoy horses
  
  Get their armor
  
  Contact the snail to radio in your position
  
  Make friends with a bunch of horse girls, and then make sure they bring guns to the fight
  
  Camouflage itself, horses are masters of disguise. You'll never see it coming.
- Prep time isn't an advantage if you procrastinate!
- Right? What's the horse going to do with its prep time? Eat some hay and fart a lot, that's what.

Note, they are actually much larger than the average silicon version of it. The largest I could find was 43 cm long, which is OK to take. But normally, they're ~1 m when e... oh wait, you mean "take" as in "win against", nvm.
- I actually made a weird ass squeek laugh sound passing that 43cm mark...it was a response of recognition xD
- I used to work with horses. They may be larger than the average silicon version, but if you can find it, there once was a picture of a yellow gel one (Thor Jr., I think) with a forearm and fist right next to it to compare it to, and that one should have been placed next to a real one.

- Not sure who these foolishly brave Americans are who think they can beat an elephant and a grizzly bear bare handed.
  
  Or even a kangaroo, those things can be scary af. Forget about anything bigger.
  
  Maybe a grizzly bear when you poke him in the eye just right? But an elephant... You've got nothing
  
  I really want to know what they think they'd be doing to the eagle.
- The amount of people who don't think they can beat a rat is concerning
  
  Rats are fast though. Would depend, do I get time to set traps? Bait? Do I get a net or other weapons.
  You drop a normal guy in an area with a rat, , with no tools, weapons etc. you'd see him chase the fucker around for an hour before he gives up.
  
  Yeah, and it's even higher than it appears at first cause the scale only goes up to 80%. So >30% of responders don't think they can beat a rat in a fight.
- I'm glad to see that Americans are deadlier than our cousins across the pond, or at least more foolishly optimistic.
- Geese have a reputation, but i know for a fact if you actually fight back there's not much they could really do.
  Just wanted to let you y'all know how tough i am...

Let me try, let me try:
Lemmings, would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?
- The tiny 1ft -ish extinct Dawn-Horse was a real thing. PBS documentary modeled it as skittish, jumpy, fast, tough enough to drag and push logs. Catch a couple of those and you got youself a pair of 30mph roller skates.
  _{🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎}
  1 horse-sized duck, male, that's in the mood... Ever witness firemen tackle a charged firehose that broke loose and is whipping around... amorously. Now put a Clydesdale at the end of that. You may be chance lucky enough to distract it with bread, but can really only fight it from space.
  🦆
  
  Catch a couple of those and you got youself a pair of 30mph roller skates. 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
  Taking notes here for some... new projects.
- Obviously the duck-sized horses, that's not even a fight. What amounts to pretty much a t-rex, on the other hand...
  
  Nah, ducks have hollow bones, making them pretty crap in physical combat against creatures that don't. As long as you can avoid the beak, you should be fine.
  Duck-sized horses, on the other hand, would still be faster and stronger than humans even if it's scaled 1:1 relative to horse size vs duck size and there's a hundred of them! You'd be swarmed in no time!
- Do I get tools? If so, the horse sized duck. If not, 100 duck sized horses.
  
  Yeah, but the horse sized duck gets tools too.
- 100 duck sized horses, and it's not even close.
- Bring on the horde of duck-sized horses!
  
  On Lemmy, it's the celebrities who asks lemmings the dumb questions!

Ignoring venom and poison, the most dangerous animal a human could realistically win against would be a wolf. That doesn't mean I could win against a wolf, but some humans can and have.
- IDK. People have wrestled bears.
  
  There was that one guy that choked a bear to death with the bloody stump of his wrist after the bear bit his hand off, so I'd say that counts as a technical win.
  
  Don't threaten us with a good time 😉
- (https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/6084564c-3486-42fe-85c7-c7bce387c759.jpeg) Have you seen how big wolves are? Most people can't take on a pit bull, wolves are literal predators.
- We should be talking about the average person being able to win >50% of the time, not the ideal human who wins on an off-chance.
  Personally, I'm guessing I'd be somewhere in the range of a medium sized calf
  
  Calf is a good ballpark. I think I could take a whitetail doe but not a buck, and that's about the same range.
  
  The average human is very far removed from peak human.
- It's easy, you just put your fist out so the wolf bites down on it. Then you simply shove your whole arm down its throat.
- Chimpanzees are on the same level I think. Although I’d rather fight a chimpanzee than a wolf.
  
  You stand absolutely no chance against a chimp in unarmed combat. They've literally ripped people's faces off.
  
  I'd much rather go up against a wolf than a chimpanzee. Chimps are crazy strong, bite, and have hands to grasp and tear with
  
  Chimpanzees get up to five feet tall and have up to an 8 foot wingspan. The average human female is 5'4 "and males average 5'9" with a proportional wingspan. Chimps have a very high amount of fast twitch muscle fibers which are significantly stronger than the slow twitch muscle fibers that make up the majority of human muscles.
  Chimps have extremely long arms with way more lean muscle mass. And that muscle mass is 50% stronger than a human's, making chimps 3-4 times stronger than the average human. It has massive incisors with a bite force of *** 1300 psi (8900 kPa}***. That's more than a grizzly bear's 950 psi.
  You have a fighting chance against a wolf. You have zero chance unarmed against a full grown chimp. It will literally rip you apart with ease.
  
  If there's a 5% chance you could take a wolf there's an absolute 0% chance against a chimp. A monkey or ape bigger than 3 feet tall with malice towards me is probably about the dead last thing I'd want to fight in the animal kingdom. Top three for sure.
  
  Have fun getting your face ripped off because you were scared of the big proto-doggie, I guess 🤷

I could probably take my cat in a fight. There would be significant casualties on my side, to be sure, but I believe I could emerge victorious in the end.
- My *cat might win against me. But fortunately she did not yet realize it. Or maybe she is too lazy to do it.
  
  Beep Beep CRASH

Do I get to use vehicles?
- So do the animals
  
  I'd like to see a horse drive a car.
- Yea, but the horse gets it too.

Yeah punch a horse in the face, see how many broken bones you have if you live lol
That being said, the post is accurate, although took me less than an hour to reply

That killed 35 minutes

dont wanna appear braggadocios but just saying u throw me into a cage with a lion and the brother will tap the tatami in a whisper
- I have no idea what "tap the tatami in a whisper" means, but it sounds uncomfortably sexual 😬
  
  Only if you do it right

Are horse legs actually fragile, or does it take a lot of effort to break one?
If fragile, I think people are overcomplicating this. You'll probably get fucked up in the process, but once the horse is crippled your grim deed is done. If they're not fragile and you'll need to seriously wrassle them down to exert enough force, you're almost certainly dead.
- Uh, no. And one kick can kill you
  Horses can kick forwards, backwards and sideways. They can rear up to about 12 ft tall and stomp your head.
  Plus they weigh about 1200-1600 lbs, although percherons weigh much more.
  
  Does my prep time involve sourcing weapons? I think a sledgehammer would do the trick if I can hide out at the fight zone prior to the horse arriving then sneak attack.
- You mean like, fighting a horse by punching it? No that fucker gonna kill you. You might win if you have a spear and you know how to use it. But if it gets to you with it's hooves you've lost.
  Now if you can convince the horse you're a lot scarier than you are, it might do what you want it to.
  
  Now if you can convince the horse you're a lot scarier than you are, it might do what you want it to.
  Only reason why they don't kill us on sight after all we've put them through: for all their amazing physical prowess, they're also easily spooked idiots 😂
- All a horse has to do is pinch you with it's teeth, then all your skin can come off.
  
  Thank you for this enlightening and horrifying imagery. I will keep it in mind the next time I'm near a horse.

I could absolutely take any animal that’s vegan and smaller than a cat. Maybe even a bunny. But a cat would eat my soul.
- Bunnies are vicious. They bite and scratch.
  
  Yes, I've seen the documentary:
  https://youtu.be/uPHgzph5DWo?si=xY8UeQlboNgeat8U

This always depends on how willing/aggregated the animal is. I'm fairly certain I could scare away a bear under the right conditions, but obviously not fight it.
- People have survived bear attacks but I’m not sure I’d call that “winning”.
  
  Well I'd call that "taking it in a fight"
  
  People with pointy sticks have defeated bears for thousands of years. You'd be hard pressed to find a person in the wild without their pointy stick.

https://tenor.com/blJE5.gif

Any animal less that half of my size, so no more that 30 kilos, then depends if that animal have special skills, like poison, but still he gonna die with me.
- Poison won't be a problem, you just have to be careful not to bite or lick the animal too much. Venom, on the other hand.. 😛
  
  Is it truly a victory if you don't drink the blood of your vanquished foes?
- Honey badger. You need a makeshift axe or hammer, minimum, to damage them. They have claws, and you're in a coliseum with nothing but sand and sheer stone walls
  
  We have claws too and teeths, I will bite his head off, rip his belly with my hand. Sure the honey badger will take maybe half of my face off, an eye, maybe even one of my hand, but I say I will win at last.
- what about a honey badger or a pitbull? But they have a gun
  
  Why did you give them a gun? Challenging fight with both btw, without guns, maybe I will lose one eye or something, but I will fight for win.
- Most poison animals aren't dangerous enough to humans that you couldn't kill them and then get treatment.

You would get mauled and your eyes scratched out.

Oh man, can't have these threads without the killer chimpanzee fanfiction crew

🦆