Asklemmy @lemmy.ml

1y ago

You can have any B-tier superpower you like. What do you choose?

I'd be Cables Don't Tangle Man.

342 comments

Being able to fall asleep and wake up exactly when I want to without an alarm man.
- You guys have alarm mans? That sounds cool
  
  "Sir? Sir! It is well past time for you to begin your day. Yes, sir, I am well aware work, as you put it 'sucks ass', but never the less, it is time to rise and shine. I will be back tomorrow at the same time."
  
  Before alarm clocks were easily available there used to be 'knocker uppers'. They'd come tap on your window with a long stick to wake you up.
  
  It's Serj Tankian from SOAD singing Chop Suey.
- Fully rested.
  
  No no, the title says b-tier superpower
- That'd be an S+ tier power for me.
- This is not B-tier. This is A+tier.

I actually seem to have this one: Appropriately sized container man. I can find the best sized container when we have leftovers from cooking. Extra pasta sauce? This container fits it all in perfectly.
- IDK man, that's toeing the line of an A-tier power.
  My wife has a version of this; it's perfect liquid measurement estimation woman. She never has to use measuring cups for liquids. I've actually bothered to test this power, and it's uncanny.
  All I got was hysterical kitchen blindness man. I can't see things I'm looking for in the fridge or pantry, even when they're right in front of me.
  
  Sorry man, yours isn’t even a power. It comes default with the Y chromosome. I can be staring directly at something I’m looking for and not register that it’s right there.
  
  I kinda have something like this. I’m pretty good at estimating distances. From inches to feet and miles (don’t metric me it will get all fucked up.)
  
  A residence floormate I knew back in university also worked as a bartender at a hotel.
  His one story relevant to this thread is he once poured a drink for a customer over ice without measuring it. Think scotch or whiskey. Customer said there's no way that's an ounce. They argued for a bit; my friend poured everything from the glass into a shot glass minus the ice, and it was exactly on the line. End of argument.
  He admitted to me that some of that may have been water from the melted ice.
- Me: Owns a variety of sizes of containers
  Also me: Only uses 2 of the sizes, and never has a clean one when I need it
- I might have this one too. Probably from that microwave accident I was involved in.

I don't know if this qualifies as "b-tier", but I'd really would like a superpower where when hearing a sound I knew exactly what made it.
I live in an old house, in the middle of a forest. Lots of weird noises both inside and outside. Being able to know if a sound I just heard requires my attention (i.e. "is that some animal messing around in my walls, or just the old wood squeaking") would be gold. The amount of times I've gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate something is too damn high. After countless mice, vasps nests, birds, and various mammals deciding to move in with us, my paranoia levels have skyrocketed.
Would also sort out the "is that my kid crying, or just the draft through the vents"-question, as well as "is that normal wood settling noises, or is there more rot I've yet to find and the whole house is collapsing".
- This sounds like a good premise for a horror story. You get your hearing superpower and everything is finally great, no need to get up and investigate benign noises. And then one day, you hear a sound that no matter what you do, you can’t tell what and where it’s coming from.
  
  That would make a great writing prompt imo !writingprompts@lemmy.world
- Your house sounds awesome to look at, but my ADHD wouldn’t allow me to live there. Nothing would get done, and my family would die when the house collapsed.
- I'm happy I'm not alone. Last night something was going through my kitchen. It sounded larger than a mouse and it didn't care about making noise. You know that moment when you're asleep and your body wakes you up slightly cuz something is off. And you're in that low power state thinking about whether you should think or not because it'll wake you up?
  Anyway I was so exhausted I thought let it have some fun I just can't care.
  
  There are dozens of us!
  I've had the exact same reaction - "whatever it is, as long as it stays out of the bedroom I'll deal with it tomorrow".
  My favorite incident here, as a tangent, is when my wife came to me for help while I was doing something in the garden. A large crow was sitting on the kitchen counter. My initial thought was "well there goes my day" as birds tend to be the worst to get out. However, everyone keep saying how smart those birds are so I figured I'd do what I do when half-ferral cats stumble in.
  So I walked in, see the crow, the crow sees me, and we kind of just stare at each other. I slowly backed up, went around the house and entered again through the backdoor. I grabbed his attention again before going out once more, and in again through the main door. We stared at each other some more, and then he just lightly jumped across the floor and went out the back door. No frantical flying and crapping everywhere. 10/10 experience as far as birds stuck in the house goes.
  It's probably in my imagination, but we shared a moment there. What's not in my imagination though is that afterwards a bunch of crows started hanging around the house. So I started giving them some snacks every once in a while, because why not. Long story long, we have a small murder of crows watching over the property.

To actually fall asleep when my head hits the pillow, and then stay asleep until the alarm goes off.
- Unless there's no alarm set, otherwise an untimely demise.
  
  Sounds like as good a retirement plan as any. /shrug
  
  Or if his head never leaves the pillow, or comes into contact with a second pillow...
  
  OR one simply has to wait for a prince. But you never know when the next one's coming around.
  
  Twilight_Zone_My_Glasses.gif
- He said B Tier! As a lifelong chronic insomniac I’d give almost anything for that ability.
- Better: Type in any time to sleep in the bed. No need to set an alarm, just set 7h and done.
  
  I feel like we're pushing the limits of B-tier, but then I don't actually know what B-tier even means, so let's keep the ball rolling:
  The ability to completely freeze time except for yourself (and magicking away the fine print like suffocating if you froze the the oxygen around your nose/mouth) but ONLY when you're asleep.
  5 minute break at work? Lemme just find a comfy chair and BAM 8 hours down the hatch!
  Up all night studying and now your final is in two hours? BAM completely rested.
   
  ...I guess the catch being that if you overused it (and I totally would) you'd be aging while everything else was on pause, so you'd be like 90 years old physiologically, but only like 60 going by the date.
  ...which also means you could live your whole life and peace out before the clime wars start!! WOO!
- I have this power, and one little caveat of it is how much I crave dozing, ie being awake, sleepy, and cozy but not needing to get up. I guess could just set my alarm earlier but I need the sleep more

I'd be perfect departure time man. Able to determine exactly when to leave in order to arrive at your destination on time, regardless of traffic, weather, or other conditions encountered along the way.
- Not a B tier power, my God you just invented the governments secret delivery method. You're planning perfect extraction and invasion strategies, nuclear fall back evacuation routes. You just became a national secret, son.
  
  Yeah! Take that!
- So you want to be German?
  
  You're not from Germany are you? Our train system is horribly bad after it was left to rot for decades (no bigger investment into renewing or expanding stuff)
- I have that power and i can tell you that the answer is always 10 min before the time in which im planning to leave.

Finish a task without getting distracted after five minutes man.
- I’d love to be able to finish a task witho-
  Man that coffee pot is gross, better go clean it.
- I too have ADHD.

Free refill man. Just point my finger and any beverage is refilled.
- Sounds more like "solves water crisis man" to me. Point your finger at the colorado river and we are all set.
  Your nemesis is Nestle. They want to put you in a locked room in the desert and pump sports drink out of you.
  
  I'd like to think that they could break out of Nestle jail by pointing at all the guards stomachs and giving them otherworldly acid reflux.
  
  Ah, see I assume some sort of anime rules apply to the power and the larger the vessel the more it would sap my energy.
  I guess I would still need to worry about being kidnapped by nestle and being hooked up to a feeding tube and gives to use my powers anyway...
- Like this?
  https://imgur.io/KxNvSi6
- please refill my bankaccount
- That's just pepsi man.
- Yeah I know this one, complete with the classic "if someone is annoying and won't leave you alone just refill their bladder".

the B-Tier power I'd choose is to control bees
yes the pun is intended
- THE SITUATION HAS ONLY BEEN MADE WORSE BY THE ADDITION OF YET MORE BEES!
  
  Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  THE SITUATION HAS ONLY BEEN MADE WORSE BY THE ADDITION OF YET MORE BEES!
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
- https://media.tenor.com/dVy0HVB2bcwAAAAC/bees-nicholas-cage.gif

I take perfect shits no matter what. Never constipated or have diahrea. Wipes are always perfectly clean.
- Your super hero name is now "Number Two"
- B-side Man
- But that's my "me" time...
  
  You can still hang out or whatever your thing is.

What’s the opposite of procrastination?
Eagerness girl? That.. sounds wrong somehow.
- All hail Productiva, Slayer of Tasks!
  
  Fuck yes. I want that one!

My toes are unstubbable
- Wow now this is the superpower I want. I’d walk through my house in the dark with WILD ABANDON!
  
  Then good luck to your shin.
  
  And step on the cat
- Be careful what you wish for, your superpower could just remove your toes.
  
  Or break all your table and chair legs whenever your foot approaches them.
  
  No-one said anything about a monkey's paw!
- The trade-off is you now have a 1d4 chance of stepping on LEGO bricks in the dark. Even if you don't own any LEGO.
  
  Considering how expensive those bricks are getting, I think that's a pretty good tradeoff

Never get bitten by mosquitoes man.
- Mosquitos used to find me attractive, but as I aged they didn’t come by no more.
- Ouufff, that's a great one!
- Well... ok, but it doesn't work for horse flies or black flies.

Can Always Find What I'm Looking For Man.
- That is god teir!
  Lost gold
  A kidnap victim
  Your target as a prof. hitman
  Inspiration for your novel
  A cure for cancer
  A path to immortality
  Your lost car keys
  This could probably uplift any path you choose to take in life.
  
  It is like infinite luck as long as you can structure it into a need to find something then you will succeed.

Every-time-I-go-to-sit-there-is-a-seat-man
- You would always win, or break, musical chairs.
- learn to squat, your legs become your own seat.
- Will you be able to get a seat at Dorsia’s?
  
  Is Paul Allen in town?

Food-doesnt-make-me-overweight-or-mess-up-my-health man.
So I can eat whatever I want and it's perfectly healthy for me whatever it is. I'd eat ao much ice cream it wouldn't be funny.

I already have mine, and it frustrates my wife no end. I'm Always Finds a Parking Spot Right Near Where We're Going Man, but only if I'm the one driving. When she's driving we end up on the wrong side of the parking lot.
- Haha I used to know a guy with a similar ability.
  Then my family started praying to this person in the car whenever we were struggling to find a parking spot haha
  
  Then my family started praying to this person in the car
  Jesus, take the wheel
- I've got a friend like that, we like to joke that she sold her soul to the devil for perfect parking in San Francisco.

I would be Sleep-on-command man
- That's me. The secret is to give up caffeine entirely and stick to a sleep schedule even on weekends.
  
  I did the opposite. I just work so much that I'm exhausted all the time.
  If you're in a state of perma-exhaustion, sleep is easy
- I have that one and it gets annoying some times.
  
  It's "on command". Stop commanding yourself to sleep. 😁

Nothing gets stuck in my teeth man.
Or, doesn’t get acid reflux man.
- I fucking know a guy who claims he’s got no idea what heartburn is, and that he’s never had a headache. He’s about 70 years old and is probably the happiest most joyful person I’ve ever met.
  
  Never had a headache? Good fucking god what a lucky bastard.

B being secondary with A as the highest or tertiary with S as the highest?
If the former, I'll be Doesn't Overthink Everything Man
If the latter, I'll go with Correct Orientation of USB drives and Cables on First Try Man
- I too would choose quantum superpositioning USB powers
  
  Those things just don’t make sense. How is it that they require being turned three times to fit?
- Obviously the latter.
  We're long passed the point of A being primo.

I just wanna be No-health-problem man
- I'd love to be no-longer-forced-to-rent man.
  
  Imagine it being a monkey's paw and.
  Now you're homeless instead unable to find roof over your head. You can't even rent that spot in the alley where the cardboard boxes don't get as wet as the others.

Incredible massage dude. I want to be able to give incredible massages that relax muscles. Maybe the ability to relieve stress by touch. Bonus points if it works on myself, my shoulders suck.
- Ooo, this is a good one! Accupressure Boy, able to relieve minor aches and pains, and cure headaches.
  That would be a perfectly B tier power.
  
  Definitely support-class hero; the kind that stay back at the base and never risk their life but still contribute.
- Trade-off: anyone you want to be intimate with falls asleep from your relaxing touch.
  So much for sexy time.
  
  Time to spice things up the bedroom- they can wear gloves or explore getting tied

According to some, I have one! Perfectly-folded-fitted-sheets woman. Ultimately pretty meaningless, but satisfying nonetheless.
- swoon Marry me
  
  Any such marriage would fold in no time!

I'm going to go with good old fashioned, "extra luck". Never know when it's going to show up, but it would definitely improve your general disposition when things tend to go your way.
- Yes, that's my pick. To be exact, I want "low-level telekinesis" aka mutant luck power like the superhero Domino. Just walking around being a casual badass, barely registering the danger I'm avoiding.
  I think Stan Lee said that being lucky is the best superpower.
- I thought Domino as depicted in Deadpool 2 was pretty cool. Just lucky enough.
  
  Yeah, she was a high point. I can't see a whole Domino film, but she's hilarious as a supporting superhero. It helped that the actor sold it well; so nonchallant in the most extreme situations.
  Hers was definitely A-tier, though. She was more like a Teela Brown - the Universe simply was not going to allow anything bad to happen to her, unless it was ultimately for her own good.
- This could have a negative impact on your social life because people will not want to play board/video games with you.
  
  Or you'd lose the exact amount of times needed to maintain a proper friendship. If that was your goal.
- I have this and it's amazing.
- What if you already have this power? What if you've ALWAYS had it?

superpowers are s-tier by definition, if one were b-tier it would have to just be a power
- Low-current, 9V supply man
  
  Man that is b tier. I'd been going for 18v at least
  
  You mean never get awoken in the middle of the night by a dying fire alarm? That's got to be at least bottom of A tier.

Single square of toilet paper man
- Sorry that's A-tier
  
  I'd say S-tier actually

I want the "Flying Insects Cannot Touch Me" power.

I've taken to using a checklist on my phone that I update daily. However, remembering to use it is still a problem at times.
So my B-tier power would be Remembers To Use Checklist At Least Once A Day Man.

NoDepression Man
- Yeah, I was just thinking the power to not have ADHD.
  
  FocusMan

B-tier power: Exact Change. Any time I want to pay for something with cash, I have the power to reach into my pocket and pull out exactly the amount of cash money needed to do so. This has no effect on anyone's money anywhere else, like wallets or bank accounts - it just magically appears.
- Infinite cash is B-tier?
  
  Infinite petty cash. you can't buy most big-ticket items with cash, like a new car or a house, and you can't spend it online, only in person. And, since you can only do it to pay for things, you can't just pull money out of your pocket forever to hoard. You might be able to trick it with the right accomplice, or just use it to buy gold and then resell it, but it's pretty inefficient.
- I'll grant you the power to always grab exact change, under the supposition you have place sufficient money in your pocket to cover the bill.
  Like put only a $100 bill into your pocket, and you can be guaranteed to have $5.32, exactly, to pay for your latte.
  Fuck giving you infinite free money man. That's A tier.
- Max of 99c.
  Edit to your power: You still need dollar amounts, and if you don't have, then you don't have any change.
  Eg. Cost: $4.52, and you have $5 in your pocket: you pull out $5.52, or if you have $4 in your pocket, you pull out $4.52. If you have $3 in your pocket, you pull out $3.

All dust disintegrates inside a 20 foot (6m) sphere around me at all times.
Edit: forgot the measurement scale
- Isn't dust what you get when things disintegrate?
  
  Yeah gimme some of that real fine dust
  
  I'm think more molecular disintegration. They were integrated, now they are not.
- What's a 20 sphere?
  
  2X better than a 10 sphere.
  
  Oops. 20 foot sphere.

Once, I wanted to annihilate all bedbugs in the world with a snap of a finger (I would even learn how to snap for this very purpose), just disappear them forever at my will. A single use power, nothing more than that, and I don't care what that suppose to do to the environment.
For some reason.
- .... I mean if you don't know how to snap, then you never have snapped. For all you know this actually could be your super power and you haven't even bothered to find out. With great power comes great responsibility.
- Once, I wanted to annihilate all bedbugs in the world
  just once?
  
  Well...unless they spontaneously appear or aliens bring them from their planet I don't think more than once is needed.
  Of course maybe another person wants a power to manifest them into the world again.

Undepressable man? Optimism man? Anti-anxiety man?
If those are too good, then: Instant death man
- If you mean unfailing suicide man, the it is b-tier.
  If perfect kill man, then you are more powerful than any hero that fought against Thanos and you could have instakilled him.
  Then again instant death man combined with absolute pasifism, i.e. will never kill anyone: back to b-tier
  
  I meant self-death, but the name was a bit too long
- Undepressable man? Optimism man? Anti-anxiety man?
  That's just "normal"
  
  ¯(ツ)/¯

The power to be comfortable in any environment in just shorts and a T-shirt. No sunburn, no soggy shoes in the rain, warm while sitting in a snow drift.
- California-Man

Know how anything works just by looking at it, like Sylar from Heroes
- God, I miss that series....
- That sounds A-tier to me

Actually remembering everything I've taken the time to learn.
- this would be nice. the amount of skills and knowledge I've forgotten after painstakingly learning it is too damn high.

Making inflated objects explode with my mind.
Car tires. Birthday balloons. Bubble wrap. Bagpipes.
Yes, I'd be a villain... or at least a vigilante. Don't run that red where I can see you... pop pop pop
- How is this not an S-tier power? Did you forget that lungs are inflatable?
  
  B-tier if you're a hero. S-tier if you're a villain.

The power to always pack exactly the right things that I will need when I go somewhere.

Control Minor Static Charges Woman. It would make housecleaning easier and my keyboards would always be clean. I wouldn't have to get near dust bunnies, I would be able to slowly guide them to the trash can.
- As someone who's spent a lot of time working in a lab, the ability to control static electricity would be a godsend! There's really nothing like spending weeks preparing a new material as a fine powder, carrying it over to the weighing scales, placing a glass sample vial onto the scales, taring it, then a scooping up some of your powder with a spatula, careful not to lose a single particle, then carefully, CAREFULLY carrying the scoop of power to the sample vial -- then seeing the static blast your powder out of the spatula to coat the OUTSIDE of the sample vial, plus the scales, plus your nitrile glove...
  I have trauma.
  
  I've never had to do this sort of thing in a lab, but I now feel I know exactly what that feels like! You have my sympathy!
- So instead of Storm you'd be High Humidity.
  
  Exaaactly. You get me.
- I always get static shocks really bad at the grocery store! I think it's the cart wheels making a Van Der Graff generator effect. I get a zap every time I touch a shelf! It would be nice to not have to deal with that.

I'm invisible if no one would see me
Edit: Fixed exploit
- this is secretly very op, you go to a private place and can stay invisible forever cause nobody sees you after you turn invisivle
- Kel Mitchell?

Photosynthesis would be really nice. Even if it didn't totally replace the need for food it would be cool.
- That would be great, since being in the really bright and hot sun leaves me drowsy.
  
  Congratulations you're now a snake

Having a hydrophobic presence covering me at all times, sans wanting to shower, drink water, etc. so I could run, bike, hike in the rain and never get wet, unless I wanted to.
Another fun one would be having the ability and skill to cook anything I want without training or recipes. However, I would gain an excessive amount of weight though.
- Having a hydrophobic presence covering me at all times, sans wanting to shower, drink water, etc. so I could run, bike, hike in the rain and never get wet, unless I wanted to.
  Ah the "Have a heatstroke and die superpower."

I always thought it would be cool to be able to imitate any sound effect. Totally useless but perfect for jokes.
- Have you not seen police academy? Being able to imitate sounds is highly useful.
- In my teen years I used to be able to do a pretty solid rendition of a dentist drill. Much to the discomfort of everyone within earshot.

Hmmm.... I guess never having my shoes come untied. That seems B-tier enough lol

I just want to get the USB in the right way on my first attempt. Is that too much to ask for?
- I wanted to reply with an image of USB C that appears Holy because it is your savior, but this was the closest thing I could find.
- This power can be purchased for a few $. Search for "Usb reversible adapter". Or just keep usb-a to C adapters permanently in everything.

Knowing where that super-intelligent snail and the immortal billionaire is at all times-man. I could hire myself out to one of them.
- Oops, your power only works to detect the decoy snail.

To be able to put together the perfect response for any interaction I ever have man
- This one might be A-tier.
  
  A Tier? AAA ranging on Universe Killer Tier. The perfect response becomes the perfect negotiator, the perfect social infiltrator, the master manipulator. He casually gets free coffee, he cajoles his way through national secrets, he convinces his landlord that the concept of income through scarce resource stockpiling is immoral and that they should see the property as a shared commodity. Genius
  
  "always knows the right action" is a S tier power in the superhero book "Worm."
  It basically meant the person could accomplish any goal, even if it took 1000 actions.

Perfect hearing man.
Might finally get rid of my tinnitus and I could hear silence again.
- i've long forgotten what silence even is.

Perfect Croutons man, never burnt, always crunchy

I can talk to plants so they can tell me how terrible I am as a caretaker.
- I mean that sounds like a curse. Endless screaming. Where others may see a cute bunny munching on some grass, or a bee buzzing around a flower, all you will hear are shrieks of pain and abject terror.
  
  I'd imagine the sounds of a plant being pollinated would rather be moans of pleasure.
  
  I would still chose this; can't figure out what's wrong with my dahlias.
  
  You're absolutely right. How do you prune? Weed? What horrors when the neighbor mows her lawn!

Ooh, I'll be Always-Remembers-What-He-Was-Going-To-Buy-At-The-Store Man.
- And his sidekick, Always Remembers Why He Entered the Room Man.

Anti usb superposition aura. Dear god that would be heaven.
- Usb-c man as arrived.

342 comments