1y ago

Those who didn't initially want kids, but got influenced/pressured by their partners, how that played out?

Title

23 comments

I always liked kids, but never saw myself having any.
I met a girl who was dead set on children and already ended a long relationship due to the partner not wanting kids.
I decided I could have one kid, as long as it was a few years in the future so I could do stuff you don't really do when you have kids.
Years went by, pregnancy happened. Having a kid is exhausting but at the same time having a kid who considers you their most important person in the world is an amazing high and something you will never experience by babysitting someones kid.
I don't regret having my child, I love my child very much and they surprise me every day with how capable they are of stuff, to the point I am amazed this little person is related to me at all.
I'm at peace with my decision even if I had other plans and might sometimes miss what could've been with less responsibility, but at the same time I will grow older and I will have less responsibility as my child gets older too. And as one grows older I imagine running around town being up to no good gets old as well.
- Thanks for sharing this

She wanted to stay with me even without kids, but after the first days I saw her become an empty shell of a person. This was her meaning of life, apparently even more than we both thought. I could leave her, but that felt horrible as well.
Now we have a kid; the first few years were a personal nightmare for me because of mental health issues. Lack of sleep icw depression and what more makes parenting extra intense. I tried with all my might to not let it affect our child, I hope I managed to so far.
It's a lot better now, the kid is great and I'm amazed how much love I feel, but I always feel guilty. For giving life (something that goes against my principles as I did not want to be born myself) and for not being able to 50/50 care because of the mental shit that makes me unable to. Aside from that the usual, missing my freedom, the continuous responsibility.
I would not do it again in a reset of my life, not because of the kid who I genuinely think is great, but due to my lack of mental health, which has the potential each and everyday to ruin it all for them (which is a compulsive intrusive thought in my mind). But I hang on, I try to.
With all the love and respect, I would not recommend anyone in my situation.
- Thanks for sharing this.
- Thanks for sharing.
- which has the potential each and everyday to ruin it all for them (which is a compulsive intrusive thought in my mind). But I hang on, I try to.>
  Are you fighting the urge to off yourself or the urge to off your family? In either case I hope you're finding adequate support/therapy, if not ask for help here. Hopefully your state or country has resources available.

I was pressured by my partner to have children. I had said from the outset of the relationship that I didn't want kids. That was all fine, for the first year-18 months, Then things started to change.
how that played out?
We did not have children, we are no longer together.
- But were they also not in concrete agreement when you said that you didn't want kids? Or did they only give a vague response? Just curious what was the initial agreement exactly, and how did they changed their stance, because I'm currently on the market myself and I've been pretty upfront that I don't want kids, and it's usually my very first question before I proceed to even ask them about anything else. Those who don't want kids are also generally upfront about it and would agree immediately, whereas others may either give a vague reply or be on the fence, or straight up say they wanted kids - all of which would be an immediate rejection from me. Unless they're in firm agreement, I don't proceed any further with the chat.
  
  I mentioned on our first or second date that I did not want kids. They were not as strong in stating it but I received no push back. So I assumed they were ok with it.
  In the end they revealed that they thought that I would eventually grow up and want kids.
  That relationship ended about 12 years ago.
  Since then I have been more like yourself. I make sure early on that any possible partner knows that this is something that will not change.

My cat wanted to have kittens. I did not. They had other plans. Three beautiful kittens. Sold Two. Kept the one who snuggles up with me every night and purrs me to sleep. Wake up to this now: ::: spoiler image

No longer against the idea.
- OMG I can't believe you had the audacity to write an answer about cats in response to a serious question that is clearly about goats.
  
  Now I'm thinking of
  My partner wanted to have kids. I did not. They had other plans. Three beautiful kids. Sold Two. Kept the one who snuggles up with me every night and purrs me to sleep. Wake up to this now:
  No longer against the idea.
  
  Still waiting for another punk rock goat. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biquette
- This answers my original question, thanks

I'm the opposite: I initially wanted kids, but my spouse was ambivalent. I've come around: We're not going to have kids, and I'm ok with that.

From these comments, it seems pretty important to talk about kids before you get too serious with someone..
- It's important from the jump, honestly. People always say you shouldn't talk about stuff like kids, religion, and politics on a first date, but at my age, I talk about all of that before even bothering to go on a date. Those are all things that tend to be make or break for a lot of people, and for anyone looking for a serious relationship, you have to be on the same page.

We had a son (4) and a daughter (2) and my wife really wanted a third. I wasn't that excited about the idea, because we had 2 children and one of each seemed like plenty.
I was a pretty firm "no" for a long time, but she eventually convinced me during a particularly hot and heavy night.
Our youngest is now 10 and she's an absolute joy. I can't imagine my life feeling complete without all 3 kids. It's one of the greatest things she ever conned me into doing.
Then I got a vasectomy.

My wife wanted a kid, she didn't care if it was a boy or girl. I'd had a bad experience with someone else who demanded a child, so I was immediately leery. We were married for four years, and while she wasn't intended, my daughter arrived in 2013. She's a pretty cool kid.
The more important thing though, is how happy my wife was and still is to have a child. And that child has become one of my favorite people. So I'd say its going pretty good.
I also got a vasectomy. My wife wasn't opposed to having another one, but she didn't want to go through the whole pregnancy/birth process again, especially since we live in Oklahoma, and if anything went wrong it could potentially go very wrong. We are also in agreement that while our nice little family is nice and little, another child would throw a wrench in our finances that it would be difficult to recover from. So we've limited ourselves to one Human Larve.

Some grew to love their offspring others grew to hate them aswell as partner.

23 comments