Just be yourself, champ.

44 comments

What does "out of my league" even mean?
The concept of someone being "out of my league" is a myth. We really should stop putting people in these categories and instead see everyone as an equal challenge. By labeling someone as "out of my league," I am limiting myself and degrading the people who I think are "in my league." It's better to focus on people we're genuinely interested in and not place them on such a high pedestal that they feel they need to be worshipped. Rather place them high enough to think they are prized. The people we date are the ones who we think are great, and we believe they could make us great too.
I feel we should remember that no one is out of anyone's league. We should rather focus our attention on a person we're genuinely interested in and challenge ourselves.
You never know what might happen until you try.
- "Out of my league" also removes the other person's agency. Maybe they really like people who look like you, despite what popular culture implies. By approaching someone with that attitude you've already made their decision for them, which isn't fair.
  
  Reminds me of an old David cross bit about an NYC garbage man that hits on every woman he sees while on the job, because surely someone out there wants to fuck on a pile of trash.
  
  Duuude, that happened to me. I felt so stupid when she told me that back then, I only had to try and we would be together. :(
- I mean if I'm ugly and the girl is hot I think she's out of my league.
  
  You seriously shouldnt. Of course it matters whether people feel physically attracted to someonee.... But attractiveness is not the same as beauty. I noticed that a big push for being attractive is a high self confidence. I personally also get attracted when someone speaks really passionate about something.
  
  I have a bunch of women as friends and many of them say the same: A guy can only be average looking to them but say something really smart or nice or funny, and all of a sudden everything about him is beautiful.
  Sure there are some people who really got dealt a bad hand when playing poker for their face but there's definitely much more to attraction than just physical appearance.
- Out of my league means that there’s a high chance I’m going to get rejected. How do I know? It happened to me. It happened to my friends.
  Does this guarantee that I will be rejected? No. Does mean that I’m putting the person on a pedestal? No.
  It merely means that being rejected sucks. It’s not fun. And to avoid that sucky feeling I’ve chosen to avoid pursuing people with a high chance of rejection.
  This behavior is not putting people on a pedestal. After all, if people of my league were truly that amazing, it would be worth it to pursue them. Kind of a high risk, high reward approach. Instead, it’s generally true that a relationship with of an out of my league person is just as fulfilling as someone in my league.
  Tldr: out of my league means high risk, low reward
- Easy to say when you win the genetic lottery.
  
  I absolutely did not win the genetic lottery. On a very good day I might be a 4. I also have a confusing to me amount of romantic success. Like, dating multiple people, and this having been the case for years, successful. It's not about winning the lottery, it's about cultivating yourself as a person, and being open to opportunities.
- About the pedestal thing: if you look closely you will most likely see many things that are not perfect about that person be it looks or otherwise. I have put people on pedestals that were neither really good looking, nor good people, they just seemed like that superficially.
  
  I have put people on pedestals that were neither really good looking, nor good people, they just seemed like that superficially.
  Same. As I got to know them, I learned that it was all a facade. They practiced that look, both in trying to seem really attractive and also trying to seem like they weren't trying to be attractive, when in reality, their lives revolved entirely around that false image.
- No one is "too good for anyone" and no one is "beneath anyone." But anyone can certainly act that way!
- You're correct but from a joking standpoint it's funny
- I mean I get it, but I'm a short, balding, blue collar schmuck with no education above a trade school after highschool. There absolutely is a league and I'm not in it, I'm not even in the same sport as some people.
  To use the rather gross scale for reference a 6/10 with a good job and a degree wouldn't spend 2 seconds thinking about dating me, she's got 262948291 options that are better than me. That's what out of my league is. It's that line of chads in the image, they're all the people that are better than me. Usually people talk about looks, but it's also the whole package of what you have to offer. All I have is the clown outfit.
  I've used dating sites where I can't even get responses from 2/10s, they were put together with decent jobs just not attractive, even they dont give me the time of day. There are people that are just out of your reach, they won't pay you any mind because you are "beneath" them, as in they can do better and they know it.
  No shame or disrespect in that, know your worth and aim for the best you can get. I don't blame people for not giving me a shot, they're smart lol. For me the limit is somewhere between brain dead and animatronic women lol
  
  What do you mean by 2/10 like is that your own subjective rating? What do you mean by "do better?" Like people are so freaking complex, for me no measurement scale can encapsulate it all.
- You're kinda telling people to waste time. It is not a myth.
  League, rating scale, etc. are a measurement that's made from the outside. Not internally. Everyone wants to date the best that they can date. A fit muscular guy is likely going to garner more attention from more people than a fat guy. That is a fact. Subjectivity in attraction certainly exists, but it's not that widely swinging. A very few curve extremely outside of the norm (i.e fetish). For example, almost every person attracted to a male would find Brad Pitt very attractive. Etc.
  So if you go after the attractive person, they're also going to get many alternate options. And they're going to pick someone they find most attractive among their suitors. If I had 100 matches on a dating app for example, I'm only going to bother spending my time talking to 10 of them and ghost the 90. I just can't deal with the rest, humans only have so much time. If I get 1000 matches, I'm going to ignore 990 of them. My criteria in picking who is most attractive is likely not that much different from anyone else.
  Question of if they're out of their league means are you in the ignore pile, or the talk to pile, and sometimes the friendzone pile (i.e. you're the backup). You can try to claw your way out of the ghosted, but your chances are slim. So it's better use of your time and resources to retarget to another lower tier person who might only get 20 matches and will bother talking to 10 people. If that still doesn't work, you keep going lower. This is effectively how the "dating marketplace" puts values on people.
  You can keep trying to date the higher tier people, but you'll keep getting outright rejected or not have a long term relationship with them. Because they know they can do better because they'll keep getting suitors throughout their life.
  World was certainly easier to date in the era of pre-dating apps or social media. Since the pool of people around each other is a lot smaller. But thanks to online interactions, we're literally competing against countless others. So, it's better to not waste your time on someone out of your league. You aren't going to keep them. All you did is waste time (and probably lot of money if you're a guy, and that money is going to be proportional to the gap between your leagues).
- OP is the second guy from the left. OP knows that the girl is very fond of creepy clowns, but still hopes that she'll like funny memes shown on his phone.
  Also, the clown is well known to have a very large penis. He's able to give pleasure to multiple partners at once, for a long time.

When I met my wife, she was massively overweight, no job no money, and because of crippling depression it was extremely hard for her to get the motivation to do things she actually enjoys, let alone date. Of course, her being a woman, I believe she was judged especially harshly for her physical appearance. People had the gall to tell me I was making a mistake. Someone like you can do so much better. Years of working through her insecurities as the first step to getting to a healthier place in body and mind. Sometimes she struggled being there for me because she was hardly there for herself.
What I'm saying is sometimes you don't know what you want. I don't really believe in leagues. I believe in finding someone who makes you happy. And when you're happy, you stop caring what other people think.
- What I'm saying is sometimes you don't know what you want. I don't really believe in leagues. I believe in finding someone who makes you happy. And when you're happy, you stop caring what other people think.
  The "objective/10" mindset for measuring living, breathing, thinking, feeling human beings is poison, agreed.

Man this post including the comment section is not passing the vibe check. Really reminds me of a certain community....
- The mention of "chads" in various comments makes me think of those articles about incels. Is that where you were going?

Don’t girls like guys who can make them laugh?
Not that I would know what girls actually like.
- The French say that a girl laughing is halfway to your bed.
  Now for the other half though...
- When a girl says they like certain things from a guy, they really mean certain things from a guy who has already met her base standards. Like attractiveness. So they want an attractive guy to be funny.
- Yes, and clowns especially.

Id rather date someone with a sense of humor than those clones with six packs.
(Im ugly tho, so probably i dont matter)
- But at one of those guys with a six pack probably has a sense of humor too.
- Same. And if he's good at giving head. Humor and giving head.
  
  Same but without the humor.