I think the reason mom gave birth to me and my older brother is so she "wouldn't be lonely"...

I mean right now she is telling me and my older brother to get married soon because "once you get old, no one would want to marry you" and then "we'd be alone and old and that's sad"... that's what she's saying...

So... I'm extrapolating from this... I think she want children so she wouldn't be lonely?

Lmfao...

Funny thing is I also have a very weird an intense emotional connection to her and crave her affection... hard to explain... brain chemicals are weird... I heard that its a biological instinct for children to be attached to their parents... especially the mother...

Like... I think she just engineered a situation that created this emotional co-dependency?

Like... perhaps it was my fault but I never really made much friends when I was in school...

So when I was a kid... I was clingy to mom...

She'd initate cuddles...

So yea...

Also... I co-slept with parents often...

I looked it up... apparantly westerners stop doing that early on... Chinese families do it for longer? Or at least that I got from the internet...

I remember most nights I'd co-sleep with my parents... till I was like 12...

Then after that I still did it often...

Like I'd be in middle school and still occasionally go to my parent's bed...

Then randomly switch back to my room in the middle of the night...

or vice versa, starting the night in my bed then go to parents bed...

Like I was trying to balance getting affection and the "me time" (cuz my "battery" for cuddling is drained)

Yea this is probably very weird to say out loud...

Is this... "weird" to you?

I think doing that felt so good at the time...

But then like now I have separation anxiety...

Do you think its weird for parents to be just okay with cuddling and co-sleeping in teenage years?

Like I feel like my mom is just lonely thats why she encourage me to do it...