Asklemmy @lemmy.ml

1y ago

You can change the spelling of one word in the English language to match how they are pronounced. What word do you pick?

I'm picking "Colonel" needs to be respelled to match how it's pronounced.

Try to pick a word no one else has picked. What word are you respelling?

398 comments

In this thread, a lot of folks who would use their one wish to make the language better.
But I would change "their" to be spelled "the're" and pronounced "all'y'all's".
I hope I do grow up to be more like the rest of you, and make better choices, in the future.
- People like you being in charge is how English got to this position in the first place!
  
  Your rite, and I regret my choices.

Nesscary
...Neccisary
.......Neseccary
Fuck it, it's now "Nesisary"
- "Needed"
  
  Do the needful.
  
  Required
- English is a second language to me, and at this point it's probably the only commonly used word I consistently mess up. It usually ends up something like 'nessecairy'
  
  Totally understandable, one of a handful of English words that I both know are spelled “wrongL and also have to put conscious thought into spelling before I write it.
- Can never remember how to spell this absolute fuckery of a word. I concur.
  
  That's so weird. I'm dyslexic and all but this word is very much common sense for me. Maybe because I'm a polyglot and in Italian it's necessario?
  
  English is my second language, but I've always remembered it by "one cardigan, two socks" necessary
- That’s a bit unesesary
- Necessary is literally spelt how it's pronounced though.
  
  spelt how it’s pronounced though
  I'm not sure you meant this as a joke but it is funny.
  Learning yet another irregular pronunciation because some N-hundred years ago their majesty Shithead von Cunt wanted to sound fancy and everyone just played along is not funny.
  cries, not knowing how to properly pronounce most English words
- Necessary? I would have never thought of any of those weird spellings. It's spelled like it's said lol.
- Nesree
- wait was it nesisary or nesusary.
  nesesary? nesasary? nesysary?

English orthography is awful. Hard "c" AND soft "c"? Are you crazy? How about that "k" that is already the hard c sound? It should be "kat" and "kar". And it only goes downhill from there (or their?!?).
We should clean it up someday. But we'll probably end up with LOL-WTF-speak.
- Some of the low hanging fruit would just be to pick one pronunciation of "oo" and stick with it:
  book
  blood
  floor
  brooch
  boot
  The problem is that English has far more vowel sounds than vowels. And that's without even having certain sounds that are common in other languages like "ü".
  
  Linguistics would teach that it is the orthography that is flawed. The English language has many vowel sounds, more than most languages. But as you demonstrate, the orthography "lumps" many of them together. Which, again, is why I think English orthography is awful.
  There's a great article at Wikipedia, scroll down to the "Vowels" section: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Englishphonology
  There's a link the the article above to this page, which I don't suggest viewing on your phone. It has a great effort to document vowels across dialects of English, scroll down again to the huge table: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/InternationalPhoneticAlphabetchartforEnglishdialects
  Be careful, the linguistics "rabbit hole" is deep (but fascinating)!
- It's not all bad. The varied spellings of English help with visual pattern recognition and increased reading speed.
- That must have already happened and we got the Geordie accent from it!

Comfterble
- Kumfirtubble
- But saying "com-fidi-ble" is so much more fun

Macabre. Why do you need two silent letters?
- Blame the French.
- Please wait in the queue with four unpronounced letters
  
  I always pronounce this "quayway"
- British English voices those letters in most accents. I think the two silent letters is just a North American thing.
  Similar to herb.
  
  Not saying you're wrong at all, it's not exactly a common word to hear said out loud. But I've never heard anyone do this and the very idea of it blows my mind.
  (NE England, here)
  
  Why use a French word then?
- "queue", 4/5 letters are silent.
- Ma-carb, much better
- Wait how is that pronounced? I've always read it as Mah-Ca-Burr. It's one of these words I learned through text exposure rather than English classes...

Might start an argument but:
GIF -> GHIF
- It’s actually pronounced “JIF”
  It stands for the Jraphics Interchange Format
  
  Giraffics? 🦒
  
  JIF is peanut butter
  
  Jolly Image Format
  
  https://youtu.be/Nrk8sqZfsgI?si=20rIrWuZbuPPeJua
- GH as in "laugh"? People'd start flame wars over whether "FIF" is the intended pronunciation...

Arkinsaw
- "Arkansas" and "Kansas" are both from the Osage language, but the former passed through French on its way to English.
  
  i'm from somewhere in europe and always wondered why you guys would pronounce those two so different!
  
  I've heard that, but "Ar Kan Saw" is nothing like how a French person would pronounce "Arkansas"
  
  That is interesting. Do you have a source?
  
  In Spanish they do rhyme and their endings are pronounced the exact same, as in Kansas. I was greatly puzzled when I discovered that the French managed to mangle the name Arkansas that badly back in the day
- Brit here, I only realised a couple of years ago that the Arkansaw I heard mentioned in American TV and movies was actually the Arkansas I could see on maps. I think it was something said on Reddit, probably a thread similar to this, that was the revelation. And when I tell other Brits they're invariably similarly clueless, and quite gobsmacked. I'm not sure if anyone I've mentioned it too has said "oh yeah I knew that".

It's aluminium you stupid Americans.

Since Queue has already been posted: Quay. Now spelled Kee.
- You and I pronounce 'quay' very differently.
  
  How do you pronounce it? I had some American tourists ask me for directions to the "kway" before. Only time I've ever heard a different pronunciation.
- kɛɪ 🤷
  
  relevant username

I just wish we spelled things in a more German-'esk' fashion. They use K more appropriately. Examples such as "panik" and "akkordeon" for accordion. I find their spelling to be more straightforward and sensical.

Worcestershire

Thou shalt spell the word "Pheonix" P-H-E-O-N-I-X, not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.

Wednesday to Windsday or Wensday.
- Totally not me having problems spelling that word at 29.
  What IS that D doing THERE?
  
  Wait you don't pronounce the D? You just say wennesday?
  
  Its best
- Whensday?
- Or closer to the founding fathers' intent: Wotan's Day
  
  Odinsday
  
  Wotan’s Day ain’t nothing to fuck with.

Aisle should become something like ile.

Though shall now be spelled: Tho.
- to rhyme with Pho?
  
  No, it doesn't rhyme with "Duh?"
  
  It's already pronounced that way.
- Y tho?
  
  Idk my bff jill?

Ressepee
- I like this one because I instantly knew what word it was despite it having a brand new spelling. Almost like letters should have meanings.
  
  I was wondering if Reese pee was liquid peanut butter for a moment.
  
  English isn't my native language. I thought for years (and I'm talking of 10+) it would be pronounced "ree-sipe".
- Re-ci-pe... yeah that's just how yoy read it.

I think the main issue with this is that pronunciation changes over time, in addition to varying by area. So if we keep changing the spelling, written works will became unreadable faster.
But I would suggest that any band names that use umlauts/foreign letters should be pronounced accordingly.
- But I would suggest that any band names that use umlauts/foreign letters should be pronounced accordingly.
  Motörhead still kind of works.
- Yeees I love twenty one pilots personally, but when they started using "ø" I really wanted it to be pronounced as part of the name so they could hear how ridiculous it sounds

All those words that are pronounce the same but have completely different meanings. Particularly the common words.
To two too
No know
Their there
By buy bye
Then there there ones spelt the same but two different meanings and silent letters to even be better.
Go right, you're right.
Didn't know how messed up English spelling/pronunciation is till I started to learn Spanish and nearly every word is pronounced exactly as spelled.
- By buy bye
  N'SYNC intensifies

Oh boy, a word wouldn't be enough.
I would make English as consistent as Spanish is regarding phonetical consistency, or even more.
Oh, you have never seen this word ever before and you don't know how to pronounce it? No worries, these universal rules will allow you just get it right, because letters always sound the same!
- “Spanish regarding phonetical consistency”
  Checking in from Oaxaca
  
  I dunno, Oaxaca seems pretty straightforward. oa is pronounced kinda like "ua", I guess, but midword x is usually a "hh" sound anyway so that's the only slightly weird thing.
  
  Fun fact, the Spanish X used to be pronounced like the Greek χ, which is why Meχico, Teχas and Oaχaca are pronounced the way they are now in English (formerly like a "kh" and now like a "ks")
- I mean knowing romance languages makes spelling in English easy. Also knowing something about Greek and Latin. Understanding the root of a word etc makes it a lot easier.
  
  Right about spelling. For a non-native, it becomes somewhat difficult when it is about the "right" pronunciation of the written language. There's a lot of French influence for example. Now they have a lot of French words, some feel horribly mispronounced and some aren't. And then there's a lot of dialects so that mixing pronunciations can hardly be avoided.
- The only one they changed is the double l. ll to sounds like a y. But in some circles they consider that a seperate letter to the Spanish alphabet. Overall it is fairly consistent.
  Even better, Spanish words are typically broken into two (or is it to or too) letter syllables.
- English is pretty good (generally) at doing the same thing.
  Y'all are just bringing up words that English stole from other languages.
  You can use phonetics to figure out how to pronounce most words in English.
  
  We just really wish when we stole them we changed the spelling to match the pronunciation if we wanted the pronunciation to stay the same of where we stole it from.
  
  The amount of words that are not "stolen" from other languages is neglible..
  Cat from German Katze, from Latin catta
  Car(t) from German Karren
  Kitchen grom German Küche
  Bike/Bicycle from French bicycle
  Leaf from German Laub
  Beef, mutton, pigeon from French boeuf, mouton, pigeon
  Cow, sheep, dove from German Kuh, Schaf, Taube
  Computer from Latin computare
  Sun and moon from German Sonne and Mond
  Lunatic from Latina luna
  Death from German Tod
  Snug from Norse snøggr
  Funny from Swedish fånig
  Breeze from Spanish brisa
  Ranch from Spanish rancha
  Brave from Italian bravo
  Arcade from Italian arcata
  Dildo from Italian diletto
  ....

Highpurrbolley.
I pronounced it hyper-bowl in my head for a loooong time until I had to say it out loud one time and got laughed at.
- As someone who read a lot as a child I still find myself saying hyperbowl. I'd certainly heard the correct pronunciation but it wasn't until very late that I made the connection to the word I'd learned by reading.
  
  I was it my 30s before I found how to say it properly. It really doesn’t help that hyperbolic is spoken properly. Hy-per-bol-ic. Damn you written words.
  
  Same!
- Aphrodite, Hyperbole.. Greek Eta sounds like ee.
- The fact that hyperbolic is pronounced like that makes it so much fucking worse

Jraphics
- I can't help but pronounce this like Jurassic

Segue
I always trip over that one and start reading it as French.
- I just learned last month I've been doing the same thing and mispronouncing it for over three decades. But it's Italian!
  
  In the uncut version of Romeo and Juliet, there was a vague segue to a Montague tongue.
  
  Problem is that when you write it as pronounced, it becomes segway. Which just makes me think of those two-wheeled scooter thingies.
- Seg-Yoo
  That's how my coworkers were pronouncing it, til I pointed out... Who knew how long that was going for, lol
- The now-defunct electric scooter company spelled it as it should be, Segway.

Gif
- The gargantuan giraffe gallops his gigantic body to the gutter.
  It is a G. It isn't that hard.
  
  It isn't that hard.
  A soft-G gif believer! Heretic!

wierd.

Diarrhea.
- The pronunciation already matches the spelling!
  
  Starts like "diary" the journal, ends like "rhea" the bird.
  
  Then consider the British-English version of the word, diarrhoea :)
  Why the extra o?
- Cha cha cha
  
  Oooohhhh that took me back
- Diary uh

February. (US pronunciation)

Ghoti

Yacht. Yot.
- English really lacks some throat-fricative analogue to the Greek chi (χʼ). Shoud be yaχt in the graχt. imo.

Arkansaw.
IF KANSAS IS PRONOUNCED "KANSAS"
THEN WHY ISN'T ARKANSAS PRONOUNCED "ARKANSAS"

queue
- It only gets spelled correctly when it's a pseudo queue (>!sudoku!<).
- Qway-Way
- But that's already pronounced how it's spelled...
  
  Ah yes good old queweyouwe
  
  No, it would just be 'q'. Right now, I would pronounce it kay-way maybe.

the article 'the' - ðə
- Bah, I always forget eth is different in IPA than how it was used in Old English.
  
  Ah okay.
  Þ ?

Oh man the various English' pronunciashuns ...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SfhKldRKmo8
- I failed to read the the poem properly.
  This language is just... ugh.
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/watch?v=N5NQa10XMn0
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.
  
  Good Bod! Now see what thou doeth.

Werk.
Work is not how people pronounce it.
- Here it would be "wurk"
- Abes oddysey vibes

There were so many that bothered me but now, when called out, I can only think of a few...
Lingerie
Miscellaneous
Subpoena
- Lawngeray definitely makes it less appealing.

Fish as Ghoti
- What's the o from
  
  women

Skwirl because now one knows how to spell squirrel.thank you auto-correct.
- If you ever have an opportunity, try to get German people to say Squirrel. It's why it was used as a shibboleth in WWII.

Keesh

Easy: Bologna
- What do you mean? It's already written the closest to pronunciation, there's no ń sound in English really, perhaps knee is the only example
  
  I'm guessing they think it's pronounced balony
  
  Belownya

Queue.
- So, Q?
  
  Careful, Picard.
  
  Queueueue
- Queue
  The Que from toque or croque and the ue from venue, due, or Tuesday.
  This isn't hard.
  
  You pronounce queue as "coo?"

Worcestershire sauce
- That is already spelled how it's pronounced
  Worce, ster, shire
  Then just speed up the way you say it
  
  No in the U.K. it ain’t.
  Whoo-ster-sher.
  
  Woosta MA would beg to differ.

Lieutenant (leftenant)
- Add colonel to that. Like wtf, where are you getting the extra letters from?
- Fun fact: Lieutenant literally means "placeholder."
  https://www.history.navy.mil/research/library/online-reading-room/title-list-alphabetically/w/naval-traditions-names-of-rank/officer/lieutenant.html

I’m honestly amazed “alot” hasn’t been made an acceptable spelling of “a lot” by now.
- There's another word that British people would like to add aswell.
- Mandatory Hyperbole And Half
  
  Is there a similar comic for lose/loose? Because that’s the one that annoys me.

Lincoln
Pneumonia
- OOF Pneumonia.
  Like, what a cursed word. How would you even spell that? Nuhmownyuh?
  
  Newmoanyuh
- Lincoln is a proper noun, but pneumonia is already pronounced how it's spelled.
  
  You pronounce the p?

Psoriasis. Eczema. Emphysema.
- You doing okay buddy?
- You don't like Greek words that are spelled the way they're pronounced?

I'd spell cache as cache so Australians know it's pronounced like "cash" not like "kaysch".
- I think autocorrect butchered that one, cousin.
  
  Nope, cache should be spelled cache so people know it's pronounced as cache.
- I refuse to pronounce it that way. But at least "kaysch" sounds better than "cash-ay"
  
  I'm not sure it sounds any better than cayshe, but cash-ay is very wrong. There is also a French word "cachet" which gives us the English word "cachet" which is pronounced "cash-ay" similar to how the French word "cache" gives us the English word "cache", but there's no reason to pronounce cache as cachet.
- I'll accept that, only as long as Americans learn that route is pronounced "root", not "rout".
  
  ... I pronounce route as root. But I pronounce rerouted like rout. Huh.

"Sure". For crying out loud. Who came up with this.
- Sean would like a word..
  
  Whenever I say Sean Bean I pronounce "Sean" like you would pronounce "Bean" and "Bean" like "Sean"
  So I call him Seen Bawn and it's 100% grammatically correct
  
  Have you seen Shawn?
  
  Geoff is angrily waiting to speak
  
  and that word is SIN!
  
  Sean is borrowed from Irish where that is the normal vowel pronunciation, if you correctly include the accent: Seán
- The same ones who did sugar.

Caulk.
- You sick bastard I work at lowes

Epitome
Scythe
Jewelry
Iron
Cologne
Receipt
CHARCUTERIE, what a fucking stupid word
Realtor. My wife still says "Real-uh-ter"
Zealot (think "Zellers 🍁") I'm tired of people pronouncing my username as "Zee-Lot"
-I know there's more that piss me off, I'll be back
- Charcuterie is French for charcuterie.
  
  What's the French word for "entrepreneur" then smarty pants.

Subtle

apparently » apparantly
and all other "parent" words, like transparent and so on
- We should just omit those schwa letters like Apar'ntly.

398 comments