My mother taught me Us vs Them, but because of emotional abuse now I view this world as Me vs The World. Everyone is just against me. Can't trust anyone.
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nothing more to be said...
just ranting...
Just stop caring. Take it one day at a time. Are there bad people? Sure. Are there good people? Sure. Does today suck? Maybe. Will tomorrow suck? Who knows. It's You vs You and the other you is winning. Just work on yourself one day at a time.
Not to mention, the "holidays" bring out the worst in some people. Hug from one internet stranger to another.
You're not entirely wrong in that philosophy. At best we can hope for allies some of the time, but typically that arrangement will last only when mutually beneficial. We're not owed anything, and that includes loyalty, allegiance, love etc.
I think the majority of people we experience in a lifetime will be parasitic, and will take infinitely more than they have the capacity to give. Even the "good ones".
I think it's fine to feel what you're feeling, you have your eyes wide open and are seeing relationships for what they are, without idealism. How to reconcile that understanding with a happy, fulfilling life is another thing entirely.
Yeah I thought I had found one of the "good ones". They were my best friend for years until they totally and completely rejected and abandoned me during the toughest time in my life. Because I was inconvenient for them. I've been an internet dweller all my life due to social anxiety. And I know that's the only place now that I can really find safety and comfort, not the "real world".
We are still friends now but it shattered the illusion of what I thought existed. And it is difficult at times to like them now. I feel even crazier flipping from liking them to hating them. Never felt that before with anyone.
They aren't a friend I can just "leave" because we work together.
There's more of us than there are of them. The problem is knowing who they are and who we are. Finding out is a process. Get burned enough times and the process feels pointless.
My mom said "Us" is the family, "them" is everyone else.
Nah, with that abusive individual you call my "older brother" and y'all as my parents? Nah, I'm good, fam. I'd rather make my own solo team.
But now I have trust-issues so I can't really form a "team" with anyone.
Noted on the family-imposed definition. I was trying to be more general - "us" could be you and I, or people like us. But the more I think about it the more I think I botched it. Definitely wasn't trying to invalidate your experience. Shit's hard enough as it is, ya know?
Or the Rorschach philosophy, '"I'm not here with you. You"re here with me!"
It's me versus the world. It wouldn't be fair otherwise.
In an alternative framing, you're more than enough to take us all on.
Maybe you can just switch teams?
I hope you eventualy find someone or something you can trust.
Perhaps start small? Say, 'can I trust person X to respect my time?' Or 'can i trust person Y to answer a phone a call?'
I don't belive that trust is only holistic... you can trust only very specific things if you want to.
I mean its hard when you want to seek help, but all that is in the eyes of people that claims they are trying to help you, all that's in the eyes is 🤑 fucking dollar signs, how to charge you the most.
(I'm talking about therapy/psychaitry)
Therapy is fucking expensive. Learning that the hard way right now. I hate how the modern thing people just throw out to others nowadays is "get therapy". I've had many people tell me that and quite frankly it's offensive. It just absolves people from responsibility of actually giving a fuck about you.
When sessions cost $150 a pop, it's not fucking feasible for most. Thankfully in a position where I can afford that at the moment, but I recognize that many can't.
Plus there are so many fucking shit therapists that do nothing to help you in the real world. "Talk therapy" seems to be so commonplace with them and it's just not useful for actually "getting better". It's not only financially difficult to find a decent therapist, but also mentally...as you're having to rehash your story over and over again until you find one that can actually fucking help.
I'm still trying but it's offensive as fuck when people in my life get frustrated with me for "not making progress" in therapy when they aren't giving me actionable things to do.
I also was raised like this and not gonna lie left scars in my brain I'm unable to heal but luckily I'm good