[Not the Onion] Trump won the inaugural FIFA peace prize.

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Every country should make their “best foreign leader prize” or “world leader prize” and award it to Trump in exchange for lowering the tariffs. He’ll love it.
“I won so many prizes from all the countries in the world. They all love me. I told them, stop, don’t give me any more of those prizes, I’ve had enough of them. They said, no, President Trump, we have to give you the prize because you’re the smartest American president ever. You’re the most handsome president ever. Nobody ever said that to Biden! [crowd bursts out in laughter] I said well, since you’re so smart, you’re gonna get a tariff free deal with us. We’re gonna lower your tariff to zero percent, because you’re smart, you know what you’re doing, and I trust you won’t be ripping us off.”

The Very Best Most Exceptional Most Special Gold-Level Man in the World. Universe, Maybe.
- Damn Jeff Bezos really took a financial hit from the divorce if he's taking gigs as a presenter for Trump award ceremonies.

This go-around has changed my view of the point of these prizes less as “recognizing the best of humanity as such” to “the hideous narcissists in charge of everything love winning pointless prizes and titles, let’s invent one that they get for not killing everybody that they possibly can” in which case bravo to whomever came up with that one

literally who could have predicted this when they announced it a month ago
- Wasn't there a thing where trump just took the world cup trophy or something? Did they invent this as a ploy to give him a gold trophy so they can to get the world cup trophy back?

FIFA is lucky there was not a burning boat nearby.
- Venezuela, hello, are you listening? You have a nice country. Not really it's awful, terrible shithole but I'm polite. Very, very polite. FIFA gave me an award. Where's your award to me? Even with the award - not a promise of no attack. But everything better. Much better. Plus give me crypto money - a lotta crypto money even better. Invest in your country to me.

melania bought him the trophy and gave it to FIFA so they can give it to him lmao

19 comments