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You have complete control over your franchise of choice, what are you retconning?

The boss walks in, there's someone on the phone for you:

  • Phone: "Hi, I'm the leader person behind that book/television/film franchise you complain about online and gee-whiz, you're right! We want you to run things from here on out."
  • You: "Do I get supreme retcon powers?"
  • Phone: "Of course! We'll even retroactively edit in your changes!"

Huh, that was easy. What are you changing?

68 comments
  • The Legend of Korra spoilers:

    It's been a while, and I've lost some of my steam over this. But yeah, that's the only one I've got the energy to type out right now.

  • We're bringing back Sliders without a reboot.

    It was the real Arturo that got left behind in "Post Traumatic Slide Syndrome", and Remy ends up finding him again after his cliffhanger solo slide.

    Working with Arturo, they manage to get a slidegate up and running to go back for the others. They also find a dying copy of Quinn along the way who has some valuable Kromagg info and end up merging him into Mallory like the accident that melded our Quinn into him, in a last-ditch effort to save him. The presence of this third Quinn, who is almost like the original, outweighs Mallory so we have Jerry O'Connell back in the cast.

    The gang all back together, they go to deliver the Kromagg bio-weapon in Remy's blood and succeed. It's now slowly spreading across all worlds. But the Kromagg big bad they're fighting during this process sets off some kind of nuke inside a slide-tunnel, destabilizing the entire thing and basically scrambling sliding across all worlds. Even if you knew how to precisely connect to a world before, it goes somewhere else now.

    And now we're back to the classic formula, we can do whatever we want from here.

    • Also we get Will Sasso to come back as hotelier Gomez Calhoun at least once a season.

  • The Last Jedi doesn't happen the way it did. Instead, the moment on the island where Rey tries to hand Luke the lightsaber has him reject it in anger and anguish, afraid that the past he thought he had left far behind him has re-emerged. It does not get casually tossed off the cliff for a cheap giggle. The reasons for the rejection can be broadly the same, if necessary, but they can be shown in a less weird and melodramatic way.

    In this new version, Finn gets something (anything) to do, ideally something that will bring he and Rey closer together by the end.

    Poe does not play "Can you hear me now?" with Hux. There is no casino planet, no obvious double cross and no little moppets with magical broomsticks.

    Luke does not die at the end. Leia dies at the 2/3s point, and it's this that finally brings Luke back into the fold, perhaps to get revenge, perhaps to honour her dying wish, whatever.

    Snoke is not discarded like a used tissue. Kylo and Rey still communicate psychically, but there's no hint of romance. Instead he starts to tempt her towards the dark side, leveraging the pain she feels towards the parents who abandoned her.

    I dunno, just something which follows on more naturally from TFA, which is darker, and which definitely is less silly than what we got.

    The Rise of Skywalker is in many ways the same as in reality, but it's Snoke and not the Emperor that's the Big Bad (although maybe you get the Emperor involved as some sort of Force ghost mentor to Snoke, or whatever). It follows on much more naturally from TLJ, because it doesn't have to spend the first 30 minutes doing major course corrections. Finn and Rey get together, only for one of them to be killed off... or were they?

  • Spider-man one more day. Just let aunt May die. Have Peter go to therapy or something for the grief, then years later do a reveal that it was Norman Osborne the entire time.

  • That time Janeway and Paris hit Warp 10 in Star Trek.

    Such a cool concept ruined by such a stupid episode.

    Also Trip doesn't die.

  • Give Voyager one final, long episode with a proper sendoff (instead of the half-assed one they did), where we can see how the characters actually ended up in the coming years. With an epic orchestral soundtrack, at least one really good space battle scene and a lot of pathos, it deserves it! ST: Picard is also considered non-canon (the first two seasons have been a shitshow and the third was just nostalgia-bait anyway). So nothing that happened to Seven of Nine in that plotline ever officially happened and the final Voyager episode can utilize some talented writers to make it good.

    ...and also delete the episode where some crew members become animals and bang each other, because excuse me, what the fuck was that?

  • A lot of horror movie franchises would get retcon or some installments would outright be axed.

    Friday the 13th would not need to go on for 10 movies. Get rid of Parts 9, 3, 5, X and 8. This is now going to be a compressed, coherent movie series of 5 movies where we attempt to establish a better comprehensible story involving Jason. Kane Hodder is the staple actor of Jason.

    Nightmare on Elm Street, going to cut out Parts 6, 5, 2, and 4. Compress and re-write the story while retaining elements of selected pieces to build off from. The remake will not have ever happened. Freddy vs Jason would still happen but it would be involving the original creators of both Nightmare on Elm St and Friday the 13th and Kane Hodder will star as Jason. No cop out ending like the original version got, but the victor would not only be decided by final battle but also body count.

    Halloween, take out 3, 4, H20, 2, 5, Resurrection and all of the Rob Zombie directed ones. Retcon.

    Scream, that movie series feels more like a trilogy movie so that's what it is going to be instead of all of these unnecessary installments.

    Final Destination, same thing.

    Saw, same thing as I felt the series ended beautifully with three movies but went entirely off the rails in later installments.

    Puppet Master, I would honestly keep to 5, get rid of all of the ones where they focused too much on the Nazi stuff and the clash they had with Demonic Toys.

    Leprechaun, just get rid of the ones where he entangles with the Hood and obviously the space one and max the series out at 2 films.

    Hellraiser, keep it to two movies.

  • This one's easy, Warhammer 40k, and all the nonsense about primaris and guilliman returning.

  • I'm cutting the original storyline of Five Nights at Freddy's off at the third game and removing Afton's weird implied Pamela-Voorhees-meets-Gendo-Ikari motivation for his murders; he kills for a feeling of power and punishment. As much as I like the sci-fi elements, they utterly ruin his character. I'd also remove 3's cutscene of him coming back: he's dead, and he stays dead.

    However, I do believe there would be room for sequels after that. I think it could be neat to have games skipping straight to the Vanny story and making her an actual developed villain as well as a real copycat killer, perhaps even starting a small cult of sorts around the Fazbear brand and Afton's legacy.

  • Retconning basically every character death retcon they've made in Yakuza over the years, and making Pirates completely non-canon because what the fuck

68 comments