2mo ago

What fictional character do you wish was real?

Leslie Knope for me!

258 comments

Oh that's not fair, Leslie Knope is the public servant we all deserve.
I'll throw in a few.
I want Dr. Cox and JD to be my medical team, the two of them would do everything they could.
I want my local burger shop to be Bob's.
And I wish Captain Holt was a real police commissioner.
- I would not wish reality on bob.
- Holt is a treasure!
  
  "Wunch time is OVER! Bam, got it both ways."
  
  Vin-di-CATION!
- I don’t know who you are, but I feel like we should be friends.
  
  Two trains passing in the night...
  
  Just leave This song link here. No judgement.
- We are actually watching Brooklyn 99 right now!
  
  99!
  
  Great show
  
  We are actually watching Brooklyn 99 right now!
  I hope you're having fun. Because I specifically requested it.

The president from the West Wing. You know a politician who cared and did the right things despite optics
- It's too depressing watching that show
- Also John Goodman's character, Speaker of the House I believe, he was an honorable Republican. Pure fiction that show.
  
  He immediately came in and started trying to cut taxes. Also was in a massive rush to drop bombs on countries. Not sure he was that fictional.
  
  John Goodman is such a boss, what a fan fucking tastic actor. Magical.
- And instead we get politicians worse than VEEP. Ouch.
  
  Far worse
- Oh, that’s a good one!
- Mr. Smith from Mr. Smith Goes to Washington for even more stars in the eyes.

Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho
- Say what you will about Idiocracy, but President Camacho knew his country was suffering a problem and he found the smartest man in the world, hired him, and put him to work to resolve it. If only we could get Trump to care this much.
  
  He also tried to execute him, but yeah, generally cool.

Robin Hood, but modernized as a 21st-century hacker type so that he can cope in today's world. But I'd still like him to look like he belongs in an edgy 90s movie, complete with green tights, for authenticity's sake.
- Elliot (Mr Robot)
- Hacker Robin Hood obvs. rocking programmer socks

Superman.
Yeah, that’s an obvious choice, but I like his character more than his superpowers. He’s civil and polite to various world governments, but ultimately, there’s no stopping him from doing the right thing.
If he’s too powerful and that’s a negative to you, substitute Captain America. The same reasoning applies.
- World could use a good guy right now.
- Maybe an unpopular opinion, and I only know the MCU version of Captain America, but he gave me republican vibes (conservative, puritan, trying to make a coup if he believes he's right, ...)
  And yes I do realize that originally he was created as the ultimate antifa warrior
  
  Yeah original comics Captain America would be called a woke commie by most MCU fans nowadays.
- You stole my answer. Save us Superman!

Luthen Rael from Star Wars Andor. We need people like him right now.
- Many exist like him, we just don’t see them BECAUSE they’re like him
  
  We could always use at least one more.
- God damn Andor really is the only good thing that came out of star wars in the last 10 years or even more
  
  Rogue One came out 9 years ago
  
  Bad Batch was better in my opinion

Samuel Vimes commander of the Ankh-Morpork city watch (and Detritus so people have no choice but to do as he says).
- Ahem!
  His Grace, His Excellency, The Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch (and Blackboard Monitor)
  
  (and Blackboard Monitor)
  Still gets me every time. The best Dwarfs call each-other as each introduces themselves. And that Vimes introduced himself this way in an un-filtered moment implies it matters to him, deep inside.

My Canadian girlfriend.

The Doctor from Doctor Who. It'd be nice to think we were all being simultaneously respected, cared for, and defended by someone smarter and kinder than most of us.
- While a good choice, I don't feel warm and fuzzy about the prospect of being turned into some horror creature goop because I happened to walk down the wrong alley.
- I wouldn't want to attract his/her enemies.

The person I know I could be.
- There’s still time…

Vaporeon.
- Whelp, that's my internet quota for the day.

God.
Specifically the version of God that is simultaneously all good, all knowing, and all powerful.
Were our universe created by such a being, evil could not exist: our reality would be very, very, very different compared to the dumpster fire that we all get to experience.
- Agree, but I was think more like the Greek gods. They're far more interesting.
  
  Interesting definitely, but idk about actually living under that lore... Top boss God is a horny mofo that'll stick it in anything with a hole, with or without consent, sometimes immediately after shapeshifting into a bull or something; and all of the other gods are some degree of petty or mischievous.
  ...which honestly is kinda how life is under the US government, so... pass!
  
  You can reason with Greek gods. I appreciate that.
- almost all the GOD in media portrays very similar to the bible ones, cruel, amoral, highly apathetic, and wrathful, probably as way to not upset snowflake christian viewers.
  
  But also because that's the only way evil in the story can actually exist, and thus actually reflect the suffering and conflict in real life. The Triple-O God can't exist, as evidenced by gestures at everything
  Even if the Christian God was real, Omnibenevolence is the first characteristic to be dropped, as the Bible already depicts a cruel, wrathful, egotistical and petty God.
- Yeah, would be nice if there actually was someone looking out for you...
- I was going to say that I kind of wish The Devil existed, because then we would know that truly horrible people would eventually face damnation, and in a way it's nice to imagine that cosmic justice could exist.
- Like a personal god who would always be there to chat and help you out, that would be nice too.
- "Good" is a fickle word
  
  In this context, all good = the complete absence of evil.
- i'm glad you wrote it before i did : your take is much more detailed and thaurough than mine on this idea.

Superman bc he was created originally to fight Nazis.
- I am not too deep into the lore of Superman, but is it possible that you mean Captain America? Or is there something about Superman and nazis?
  
  Superman was created in 1938, so it's not surprising that he'd end up fighting Nazis within a few issues
  
  As I recall it, the original Superman concept was a kind of inversion of the Nazi Ubermensch ideal. Pretty sure that's where the name came from.
  
  In 1938, when Hitler's (Nazi) racism was rising in Europe, two Jewish guys created Superman in response. His Krypton name is Hebrew.
  https://leviathanjewishjournal.com/2016/12/05/kal-el-vessel-of-god-the-jewish-tradition-of-superman/
- He at least took out the KKK. And helped do that irl
- Pretty nazi character tho
  
  The word you are looking for is didactic. He was very didactic, indeed. But didn't kill or jail people or deny human rights bc of color or religion.

Captain planet (he's our hero) (gonna take pollution down to zero)!
We could really, really use an environmentalist power that isn't beholden to any nation or company.
- "Turn off the faucet between usages and recycle those plastics, or else I'll turn you into a fuckin' tree!"

Ted Lasso
We all need that kind of positivity
- Fred Rogers was Ted Lasso, from what I've heard. Relentlessly encouraging, always on-mission, no dark side.

Victor von Doom.
If we're going for authoritarianism, at least let's have someone competent in charge.
- The famously competent Dr. Doom, who put scalding hot metal directly onto his face because he was in such a rush to become a cool mask guy?
  The Monarch has more "W"s under his belt than Doc Vic.
- How about the Kharak?
  
  The what now?

Sam Raimi's version of Spider-Man. He's an agent of the common man, and obviously someone with super powers would be amazing. However he isn't so powerful that he couldn't be subdued if he were to become evil. The only problem is I don't live in NYC...
- He was always supposed to be exactly that.
  Spidey

All of the good guys; none of the bad guys. Except Bebop and Rocksteady. They're not so bad without Shredder and Krang.

Is there a fictional character that kills billionaires? If so then that one.
- "The Death"
- The thing. Indiscriminately.
  In fact I think this may have already happened.
  It's in charge. And a billionaire.

Everett True - !truecomics@midwest.social

Lieutenant Commander Data.

Samwise Gamgee, Gandalf, and Aragorn from LOTR. Or just basically every sage/wise archetype character in stories. Need their wisdom to help me get thru life to prevent me from falling into another depressive episode.
R2D2. Would like a robot friend that makes funny beeps and boops sounds so I won't be sad 24/7.
Leon Kennedy from Resident Evil (game), Dante and Vergil from Devil May Cry (game). They seem cool and are badass.
- Smoking some pipeweed with gandalf would be sick Radagast and tom bobadil also have to bethere!
  
  Might as well include every Hobbit and elf in the Tolkien universe to the list, too! Living in The Shire would be nice :)

God would be interesting.
- see comment by user "Sterile_Technique" above (same idea but better developed)

Sonic the Hedgehog. He goes really fast like this-PSSHHWWWWW!

Dale Cooper
- Best I can do is Dale Gribble
  
  You mean Rusty Shackleford?
- Would agent Cooper be taking orders from Kash Patel and hunting Antifa for the FBI or would he resign and do his own thing?
  
  When Coop was suspended Truman deputized him into the Twin Peaks Sheriff's department so he could continue the case. Cooper's allegiance is to decency and not any particular office.
  
  Depends whether he's been in the black lodge yet or not

Santa Claus. I can't believe no one say Santa Claus.

Cthulhu. There is only one way to properly cleanse this world.
- Not true. You can also wake Azatoth up.
  
  Azatoth, what dagoth ur wishes he was.
  
  I'm more of a Marduk guy myself

Me having a good day
- Hope you have some good days ahead of you bro.
- 🤝

I'll take the hyper-intelligent, godlike alien from Rejoice, A Knife to the Heart who makes violence impossible and gives everyone free food.
- When you say "impossible" does that mean even the voluntary violence is a no-go?
  
  It's been a while, but I think people were still able to commit suicide if they just couldn't cope with the prospect of utopia. And I think stuff like boxing was OK. Just not torturing, beating or killing people you didn't like.
  
  I hope not I can only orgasm while I’m being beaten half to death.
  
  No more Swedish massages!

trogdor, but instead of burninating the pesants, he burninates the aristocracy.

Any of the Minds from Iain M. Banks Culture series, because that would mean the Culture was real and I want to live there.
I guess for a specific one, maybe the Arbitrary? That one seems pretty chill and knows where Earth is:
Also while I'd been away, the ship had sent a request on a postcard to the BBC's World Service, asking for 'Mr David Bowie's "Space Oddity" for the good ship Arbitrary and all who sail in her.' (This from a machine that could have swamped Earth's entire electro-magnetic spectrum with whatever the hell it wanted from somewhere beyond Betelgeuse.) It didn't get the request played. The ship thought this was hilarious.
- The Culture does not get mentioned enough. I'm hoping it gets made into a TV series one day, to get additional visibility.
  (An actual adaptation, not whatever tf they did to WoT and the Foundation).
  
  I'm having a hard time getting though the player of games. Is it good? Should I skip it for a later entry?
- This was going to be my answer - one of the ships from the Culture could actually form the Culture for us and let us live in it
- The GCU Grey Area (AKA Meatfucker) would indeed come in handy, these days...

Kim Wexler
- Rhea Seehorn has a new show starting soon on Apple + streaming. "Pluribus" was created by the Better Call Saul/Breaking Bad team.
  
  This is the best thing I’ve seen all day, even better than Dick Cheney dying.

Roland Deschain, the Gunslinger from The Dark Tower. I'd like to see what he'd do in a present-day USA.
- Probably rob a gun store and throw someone in front of a subway train like he did in 80s USA

Newman from Seinfeld. For no other reason than I think Wayne Knight is a really great character actor
- It's be fun to have a nemesis like that. Nothing life threatening or too evil, just enough where you'd turn and say, "Newman".
- So you're saying what you really want is for Wayne Knight to be real
  
  Yeah, more real to me. What I'm saying is that I want to party with Wayne Knight

Sometimes Winnie the Pooh. Sometimes Cthulhu.
- Cthulhu the Pooh?

Motoko Kusanagi.
How, is she when she doesn't surf?
I wonder what she does when she wakes up.
...
How, does she so perfectly surf?
...
She's incredible math.

God.
... the good and forgiving one. Not the other.

My dad

Jill Valentine, I want her to peg me.
- I think I've seen that one

Robin Hood.

Not a person, but a place. Namely the prison from Red Dwarf where everything you do to someone else, you did to yourself.
- Also Cat
  
  Def Cat.

As Leslie Knope is already taken, I choose Susan Sto Helit. It would have been so fun to be in her class, too.

Optimus Prime. I wish giant robot dad was around to fix mine and the world's problems.

- Jared Keeso is pretty much Wayne or Shoresy in real life. I suggest you let that marinate.
  
  Pitter patter.
- That was well brought up, too bad you weren't
  
  To be fair.

Totoro.
- happy cake day!

Cthulhu, if only to mix up the goddamn headlines for a bit.
- Ancient god of dreaming & a good sleep, hentai adjacent even.
  
  Wait, hentai adjacent in what way?

This characters punches are as powerful as nukes, can survive being hit by several nukes, has nearly indestructible arms, can fly really fast, being able to reach space in seconds, has managed to invent interplanetary teleportation, knows about the afterlife, even making an ability that prevents people he killed from coming back to life, can destroy the observable universe by concentrating for a minute and does not require food, water or oxygen
The planet he ruled seemed pretty peaceful
A nice variant of a genie could also work
- Sounds cool but Goku solos (sry)
  
  Fortunately, nobody said Goku as an answer
- What property is this?
  
  https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLFstEviWuJT3oGE8Vcz2WrFrjf6rdw8HD
  The character appears here and here in an actual fight
- Looks like bad hair day Enderman
  
  Both of them are very tall

G.I. Robot, kinda obvious why

Jackalope

The Thing

258 comments