The bank wins again

I work in the field and am constantly shocked at the number of otherwise skilled practitioners that have a huge blind spots for autism, especially mild or low support need individuals.

The thing about masking is that it can also hide “impairment” so a good diagnostician should ask about the ways you might mask and the physical and emotional costs of the masking. Sure you can socialize with the best of them, but are you a hollowed out shell at the end of the day? Does the masking leave you with zero resources for your hobbies, less capacity to deal with stress, and burnout? High maskers tend to have higher burnout because they are working hard to function in a world that expects them to appear counter to their nature. All too often someone can appear to function typically but a few times a month or a year they have epic drops in functioning and can’t get out of bed or leave their dark room. They’re diagnosed with depression, which admittedly can be exacerbated by burnout. However, treating burnout with depression coping skills might miss the mark. Anyway, this is a huge frustration for me professionally and I’m sorry you are dealing with it.

From one internet stranger to another: you are valid. For the naysayers no amount of official recognition would matter anyway.

EDIT: Your anger is also valid and justified.

For people who accept autism as a valid reason for not having your life perfectly in order, an official diagnosis won’t change anything.

For people who don’t accept it as a valid reason, an official diagnosis won’t change anything either.

I’m undiagnosed myself, and I’m not even seeking a diagnosis because it wouldn’t change anything for me. A piece of paper confirming that I’ve been dealt a bad hand doesn’t make me feel any better. The cards are already on the table - I can see them with my own eyes.

So personally, I'm not seeking the diagnosis. AuADHD is hard enough to experience, I don't want people to also be able to use it as an excuse with me. I know my limits.

People have asked me for years, assumed I was, and when my ASD friends find out I'm not diagnosed are legitimately shocked. For 20 some years I've been in denial about the extremely obvious signs because I wanted to fit in.

I have a very hard time accepting anything, but I have a harder time rejecting clear patterns, evidence, external observation, and introspection. Honestly, thats been more valuable to me than a diagnosis. The diagnosis would just confirm what I know, not how I'm going to go forward.

So instead I can ask a therapist directly: "how do I stop wasting energy trying to fit in, when fitting in is expected?"

That makes a lot of sense.

No, she not neurotypical. I'm not fully sure what her story is, but she's mentioned being atypical, divergent, and having anxiety issues. It's pretty good having a counselor that is divergent. My previous counselor wasn't, but his wife worked with autistic kids in the high school, so he must have some knowledge, but it felt like there was a slight miss on the specific autistic perspective. I'm not sure if someone that isn't atypical would have the perspective I'm looking for in counseling. It probably depends on the counselor, and I don't know how you would determine that without going to the counselor.

Oh so it was a private specialist and you can just go to another?

sorry this is too much interaction for me. can't read your reply. hope it works out!