So proud!

My wife has accused me of mansplaining when I really was just sharing the information I had in my head about "the thing" because I was proud of myself about that.
There's also the "You may already know all this, but it's worth saying out loud anyway."
I'm not saying mansplaining isn't a thing - it certainly is - but there are other innocent "info dump" kinds of things that can look like mansplaining but weren't intended to be. I try to be very clear about why I am info dumping when I do, but I'm not always able to catch myself in time.
#TouchOfTheTism
- Exactly, when I tell my therapist about the funny things I learned about psychology, it's just me saying stuff that I know now, how I think it's cool, and asking for further information. I'm well aware that he already knows far more on the topic. If you're explaining it with a tone of "you fucking idiot woman, I'm educating you", then that's mansplaining. Another important possibility, is just phrasing a question as a statement for clarification. Think of how a waiter will repeat your order back to you at a restaraunt. I do the same thing when I learn about a new concept. I repeat back what I think I understood about something to make sure I got it right. Tone is very important. If I don't sound like I'm trying to be a dick to you, then I'm probably not.
- Yeah the intention is far easier to sus out when it's in person, especially with a known person. I'm a woman and I have ADHD and I do this to my husband all the time.
- My partner has taught/trained me to ask "would you like to hear more?" before I info-dump on him.
  Example: Me: "at work today I've been playing around with configuration settings for Primo VE, specifically the search scopes... Um... would you like to hear more?"
  Response: "I'm glad you have an interesting problem at work and no, no thank you."
  
  You are a starship troopers propaganda video. Would you like to know more?
  
  The problem with this, and it's a serious one, is that gives them the opportunity to say no.
  
  Then she spent two hours talking about every single thing she experienced at work and her remarks on them...
- I've had this experience before. I was excited to talk about what I learnt whilst volunteering for a war museum, and wanted to share my excitement with people. Got accused of Mansplaining. It really was upsetting, since I was just talking about a lovely experience and didn't want to upset nor offend anyone...
  
  They already knew everything you had to say?! War experts out there I guess
  1 “fun” fact if you got it, maybe one of the less bloody/violent ones 😇
- I am very guilty of asking people if they know about something then telling them anyway.
  Too many cases of people confidently telling me they know about computers, point to the monitor and tell me it's a CPU, then proudly call the computer under their desk the hard drive. The only reason their "CPU" won't turn on being they need to press the power button on the monitor.
- As a fellow autist, but also a cis woman person, I think there’s a genuine and clear difference between the two, but.. I viscerally understand infodumps when the other person already knows..
  You gas yourself up so much to share the thing and they are like.. mmhmm. Deflation city. And it’s hard to stop yourself from sharing your own personal understanding of things with people, even if they can correct you, which you hope they will do if you are wrong, omg that would be amazing!
  That contrasts so hard with the condescending “I know more than you” attitude. Because the things those dipshits pick to harp on are usually the more superficial aspects of the thing.
  Like that’s nice, I’m glad you know the specific term for the thing, genuinely, now let’s proceed from our mutual understanding and iron out the details together!
  But that’s really different from someone who talks over you, is wrong, won’t be proven wrong, don’t care or know all that much (like dunning kruger sort of thing)
- My brother in law is a guy who knows pretty much everything about everything. Pretty much any interesting topic you bring up, he'll have a deeper, more interesting conversation ready about that topic. This might sound annoying, but he's got a way of making it seem like you're discussing something you both already understand. Like, he isn't explaining things unless you ask, he'll say things like, "I'm sure you've already seen/heard of this", "Maybe you were the one who told me this, but...", (even when I'm pretty sure he knows I wasn't) etc. By giving you the credit for the information, it removes the feeling of him trying to be superior or condescending. This might still be mansplaining, I don't know. I'm a man, so maybe I have more of an ignorance for being mansplained to since I don't have to constantly put up with it, but this feels a lot more like a man explaining rather than mansplaining
- That’s a great observation Nougat! Great job!
  
  Thank you! That’s exactly what I wanted to hear!
- It's exposition for the voices in my head.

So I’ve noticed this post isn’t going over very well. I’d like to add a female perspective.
“Mansplain” isn’t meant to say you info dump or over explain a thing. It means that you assume you know more simply based on sex. It’s a type of misogyny that’s more typically overt in boomer culture, but it’s got a following in the whole Tate movement. I have rarely noticed it outside of that generation in the wild.
Now…Guys do infodump, which leads to this confusion, because a lot of people dislike that behavior too. Statistically women do speak less in mixed groups. Put it all together and it’s easy for people to over generalize a very specific behavior. It does happen, but compared to previous generations it’s not as common. It definitely occurs to women who work in non-traditional fields and take on non-traditional roles and I suspect that the same is true for men.
- Infodumping male here, I generally do it because in my mind context is important to make sense, and of course I do it regardless of gender. It honestly feels like a detriment, as I feel myself taking too long, but don't really know how to shorten it. I do it when explaining issues at work or when talking about stuff I like etc, but have audio has times where I tried to be brief then got the wrong info across or forgot to mention something important or just right make sense. It's like I can't find the right balance between explaining and dumping.
  I didn't find this post as an insult or anything though.
  
  I have the same problem. I work in IT and when I was on the help desk I was one of the "go to" people if someone needed help with a call. There were a couple times I heard new hires complain that I was "mansplaining" to them because I never knew where someone was coming from in terms of technical ability so when I answered their question I began at the beginning to make sure they understood. I did the same thing regardless of gender but I can see how someone felt like I was being condescending if they weren't familiar with me. It did always seem like it was people who didn't want to be there that would complain about it too. On the other hand several people that went on to get promoted off the help desk sent me thank you notes for teaching them so much so it kind of balanced out.
  
  Tbh, that's the main reason I stopped talking about things that matter to me with women unless they are asking me for it and keep asking during the conversation.
  If I infodump on a guy, that guy thinks it's because I'm maybe overly excited about my thing.
  If I infodump exactly the same way on a woman, it's because I'm mansplaining.
  The only way I know around that is to not infodump on women. I pretty much trained myself to become an introvert around women.
- I had a woman at a car service counter take in my car once. She was dressed nicely and clean so of course I assumed she only did paperwork.
  I treated her like a human. Explained my car symptoms and where I think the problem is. (Car electric went nuts and lost power steering when i hit a puddle.)
  Holy crap she knew her stuff. I mentioned it felt like the alternator wasnt performing right and undervolting, but since it's only when driving threw a puddle it had to be a component siezing and pulling on the accessory belt. She agreed that's a good place to start and ran through all the bits in that system as well as thier diagnostic steps planned.
  I figured she knew about cars but it felt like she was a full on mechanic and was the manager dressed up.
  
  Treating people with basic humanity should be the bare minimum, but sadly it's a foregone conclusion.
- Info dump goes both ways, men usually info dump about things, women info dump about people. Its echoed in men vs women photography of trips also. Men typically photograph things (here's a car/bike/castle I saw), and typically women photograph people.( here's me and my sister, here's a court yard with people dancing)
  
  I noticed this with my parents.
  All my dad ever sent me pictures of is architecture. Or a tank, he also likes a good tank.
  I have no end of pictures on my phone of funny looking houses in Austria or somewhere.
- Imagine going to school for years and years. You have your doctorate. You're in the field for 10 years. You work in field that is 93% male. You find a new job, good pay and reputable. The boss on the daily explains things to you. Some things that are just basic science and not even directly applicable to your work. No other new hires get these interesting and informative chats but what a coincidence, all the other new hires are men. I never called it "mansplaining," it's just sexism. One cute word doesn't capture the malice that is often behind it and makes men who view themselves as harmless defensive. Of course there is pointing out systemic sexism that is ingrained in natural behavior but its important to note the difference in a simple conversation and singling out a woman to explain something while assuming she doesn't have anything in that pretty little head of hers. Personally hence, I've noticed it used most often when the woman you're targeting is smarter than you and this is a subtle power play to remind her of her place.
  
  Mansplainer perspective here. No, it doesn't come (for me) from a belief that a woman can't do anything, it rather comes from an instruction from a childhood that boys should always help and defend girls. If I were in place of that boss, my unconscious intent would be to lower the woman's burden.
  I catch myself doing it and stop it but it's the hardest pattern I have ever corrected insofar.
  
  Bruh, I had a colleague who transitioned FTM and he would talk about this all the time. Constantly being told the most basic shit over and over really fucked with the guy before he transitioned, he said not having to deal with it felt like a breath of fresh air.
- IDK, I often find myself mansplain and not infodump. I am not from the boomers, I'm not sexist in any rational way, I'm pretty left leaning, I am though a piece of shit sometimes.
  
  I think that's how most people are. They don't identify as sexist, but they do sexist things because of conditioning. No one ever thinks they're a bad person, best we can do is try to be aware of our bullshit and keep learning.
- I'm really nerding out on synthesisers right now, and 99 percent sure she doesn't know what after-touch means, or why I'm excited that I picked up a late 90s synth with a good keybed and full midi.
  My lady friend doesn't own anything that looks like a keyboard, so I'll apologize for the over explanation, then proceed to explain why I'm so stoked.
  Essentially, I got, 'I'm glad that makes you happy!' Which I know means shit up and move on.
  If she wants to know more about modular synthesis or rompers, I'm sure she would ask. I wouldn't force an explanation on anybody.
  
  Hahaha, my wife puts up with that same shit. I'm building drones on Veroboard. She'll ask how the electric octopus is coming along and then instant glazed eyes when I tell her how I accidentally let the smoke out of a TL072 but at least I used sockets for all my ICs. She did buy me a JP-8000 a couple of years ago though. She's a good one.
- this post seems to be going over well, given the number of upvotes.
  
  It's being upvoted, but the vast majority of comments are not in agreement with the person in the screenshot.
  There also seems to be a consensus that the term is misused a lot.
  
  I had read a lot of the comments and wondered if it might be misconstrued
- It means that you assume you know more simply based on sex.
  Isn't that misandry to assume the man is a sexist because he's shitty at explaining things or communicating generally you know like a stereotypical man. We can't be both incredibly myopic and excessively insightful of nuance.
  
  Let me be more clear:
  An operational definition of “mansplaining”: If a man assumes he knows more about than a woman explicitly because he is a man and she is a woman. He explains to her x,y,z from this perspective.
  Example: A man always talks over female peers, and explains answers during open ended discussions, because he believes he is better and more rational at open-ended discussions than his female counterparts regardless of any evidence of this, or even in spite of it.
  Non-Example: A man informs a woman or others about a topic he is more interested or informed in, at a (possibly annoying) length.
  It isn’t misandry to call out this bad behavior. Yes it cuts both ways, but we are talking about this term specifically.

Unfortunately I am autistic and explaining something I think is cool. Only it gets interpreted as condescension :(
Its not always but its often enough
- Bingo, every fucking time. I'm literally just sharing whats in my head. You know, trying to communicate like a fucking person? Sorry you took that as me thinking you were stupid. Because now i definitely think you're stupid.
- As someone with friends and family on the spectrum, my best tip:
  Take a moment to breathe when you've completed a thought related to what you're explaining, and look at the other person to see if they have information to share, questions, or just to express what they know.
  This helped a few folks pace themselves, and the break for others they believe helped in not appearing condescending.
  Hope this helps!
  
  This is accurate! With my wife, I go on rapid fire about topics and shes so used to it, she interrupts me to tell me to read the room.
  It took me a long time to get better at actively scan the other person to gauge their interest, as well as knowing how to ask questions that open up the conversation. I even used to carry a stop watch to time how long I spoke, because I would go on and on.
- I definitely get the same sorta thing, you just gotta practice managing it. Usually I’ll say something like “I have many thoughts and don’t wanna mansplain but I don’t know your familiarity…” and then ramble. Context is important, and a lot of people also don’t know where we’re at or where we’re coming from so if we just bust down the door and start telling them how something is then that’s kinda on us to manage.
  And if they don’t take the clear opportunities I give them to slow me down and then say I should have somehow known better I ask them how on earth I was supposed to know what they never shared. People will often chill out after that.
- Noone ever really grows up, some people are just better at hiding it.
- Same :c

I hate how the term "mansplaining" has mutated from "When a man condescendingly explains a subject to a woman who is an expert in that subject, because he assumes being a woman makes her ignorant", which is certainly a valid thing to be upset about, into "Whenever a man explains anything to any woman" , which is sexist and divisive.
The term is still pretty sexist as originally used though. It inherently implies that it's a characteristic masculine behavior. If you disagree, allow me to demonstrate:
I just came up with this term, "womancomplaining", it's when a woman exaggerates a minor inconvenience into a targeted victimization.
How does that term make you feel? Does it seem to imply that I'm talking about a specific, isolated behavior? Or does it seem more like I'm implying this is a characteristic feminine behavior? Would it feel less sexist if I insisted I wasn't talking about all women, but if you take offense then maybe you feel defensive about being a womancomplainer? What if I told you to calm down, because if you aren't guilty of it then I'm not talking about you?
It still seems pretty sexist, doesn't it.
- I think the insulting part of mansplaining is the assumptive nature of it.
  This can all be avoided by a soft check before explaining something, rather than assuming a boy/girl/chimp wouldn't know the first thing about welding/cooking/crochet/throwing feces.
  Whenever I have the urge to info dump about a topic I'll probe with a, 'You may very well know more about this than I, please let me know before it becomes tiresome.' 10 out of 10 it works, and usually both of us learn something.
  
  That often doesn't really work though.
  Take for example the classic tech support situation.
  Person with problem: "The remote connection to the device doesn't work!"
  Tech support: "Are you sure the device is turned on?"
  Person with problem (getting angry): "Of course it's on. Do you think I'm stupid?"
  Tech support: "Is it the device I see on the background of the video call?"
  Person with problem: "Yes"
  Tech support: "The lights are not on. Please double check if it's turned on."
  Person with problem: "Oh, I forgot to plug it in."
  A soft check would have lead the tech support to accept that the device is on, instead of digging further, and it would have lead to potentially hours of wasted time.
  The same thing often happens in such situations. The person infodumping does so to clear up potential underlying misunderstandings that a soft check cannot catch. That's not evil or mean or condescending. It's done with the clear understanding that the person you are talking to likely knows 95% of the things you are saying, but that the remaining 5% might be an issue and a soft-check fails every single time for that kind of issue.
  But it's also a reverse issue. Many women reflexively assume that any time someone infodumps that person is only doing that to them, because they are women and because that man thinks that women are dumb. Even if that man does the same with other men.
  
  I just asume whatever I say is dumb and wrong, so I don't explain things anymore, I let people find out the hard way, and then act like I didn't see it coming.
- I always like to think of notions like "mansplaining" as social weapons. They can be used against injustice, and they can be used to create it; the outcome varies on the morality or cognitive ability of the person using it.
  The judges are out on how it is being used; however, one can be delightfully certain that the Dunning-Kruger effect is in play somewhere whenever the term is used. Which party - who can say?
- I don't really see people use the term mansplain to mean anything other than men being condescending. While I do see it used "incorrectly" sometimes, I have no reason to believe the person using it doesn't believe the man is being rude/condescending. Just because I personally believe something isn't condescending doesn't mean the person doesn't view it like that (and whether the person is actually being condescending is a totally different topic). I see people call people assholes when they're not being assholes. I see people call people jerks when they're not being jerks. It's not really a new thing.
  In short, I don't believe anyone is using the term differently, it could be that you don't think the man doing the explaining is being condescending but they do, or it could be that the term really is used differently and I just haven't personally seen it (always a possibility).
  
  I have no reason to believe the person using it doesn't believe the man is being rude/condescending. Just because I personally believe something isn't condescending doesn't mean the person doesn't view it like that (and whether the person is actually being condescending is a totally different topic).
  There are a lot of insecure people in the world, to whom any explanation feels condescending. Are we really suggesting that the perception of the recipient is more valid than the intent of the subject? That's kinda the whole problem.
  Is it mansplaining for a man who's been a physical trainer for years to explain to a woman that she's about to seriously hurt herself with improper form? He knows what he's talking about, she's definitely going to hurt herself, his tone is polite but urgent, and the intent is sincerely to help her avoid that. Is her feeling that he's being condescending by criticizing her form enough to make him a mansplainer?
  it could be that the term really is used differently and I just haven't personally seen it (always a possibility).
  I have personally seen it. I've personally been accused of mansplaining when correcting someone on something I know a great deal about, and immediately after watching them do it very wrong. Honestly I've probably seen it used defensively to delegitimize the man in question much more often than I've seen actual mansplaining.
  I'm not saying it's not a real phenomenon, but it seems more often to be a term used to shut down legitimate communication.
  
  Since the gendered nature of the term has been brought up, your comment makes me think of the word "removed" compared to asshole or jerk. All three terms get used entirely subjectively, but I think most reasonable people agree that "removed" is at least a bit more crass and tasteless due to its more gendered nature. I know we'll never get rid of ugly words when using words to hurt and offend, but I think it does show that it matters if a term is gendered. So maybe when people are offended by a term being gendered, we should listen no matter their gender. And I think people who like using those terms, especially when told they're hurtful, should have a long think about what feelings they get from using them.
  It just made me think so I wanted to write that out.
- Misogynists and misandrists are both awful. It's kinda funny cuz they're essentially the same type of person but on opposite sides
- The post says "basic things"
  
  Tricky - basic is very contextual. Basic to an electrician isn't basic to a plumber!
  
  In addition to "basic" being relative, I was also speaking more generally about the concept, not purely about the exact post.
- To be fair. The only place i see mansplaining ( first kind. The second one is just to try finding a stick to kick a dog. ) is online. I see and talk to man ... also i see womancoplaining online all the time.
  
  Actually, no. I love explaining things, it's part of my personality. But soo many women told me that I should stop mansplaining, that nowadays I just don't talk to women anymore because of the fear that they see me as a mansplainer. My girlfriend has to live with that, but otherwise, I hate talking to women because of the stupid mansplaining thing. It's sexist as fuck and I hate the term.

I like how OOP gets the name wrong also. Shane not Shawn. It really makes it feel extra condescending.
- They're good dogs, Brent.
  
  C'mon Bront. Every dog is a perfect 13/10.
  
  Bratt is just angry for no reason.
- That's so cool you noticed that, Jiff! Eagle eyes over here...

Unironically, thats how I feel explaining things when I get excited, and I kinda like being a kid excited about sharing something. Because either I get to share something I find really cool and you hopefully do too, or you already knew about it and maybe know more than me and I can learn something more about the thing I'm excited about. But mansplaining does imply a level of condescension that I really fucking hope I don't come across as.
- you can ask if it's okay to share!
  
  Do you guys really start convos like "I just watched X doc and I thought it was neat. I was wondering, if it's not too much of an imposition, may I tell you about it?"
  Honestly I think it's just a "I don't vibe with people who need that" sort of thing, I like friends that let me be excited without begging permission, and I would gladly do the same for them.

I explain basic things to anyone if they sound or act like they don't know.
- What was the deal with the Punic Wars again?
  
  I don't know.
  
  So like Hannibal stole all the multivitamin punica and that made Scipio like hecka mad so he put salt in it

I also love explaining things and get excited when it's an area i know about, and then got accused of mansplaining. seeing that many men in these comments suffered the same fate, maybe some women could become more chill lol
- woman here. please explain something to me. /gen
  
  Measles use your macrophages as a taxi to your lymph nodes so they can attack the immune system and the memory cells which are responsible for the immune reaction against everything you already encountered in your life - after an measles infection you count as immune suppressed for about an year, and people who caught the measles lose all or most immunities imparted by prior infection or vaccination. Studies have indicated that up to 90% of child mortality in 3rd world countries have a connection to a prior measles infection, even if the child survived the measles themselves. That makes the current measles outbreaks that started occurring in the last years pretty scary; in london there are only about 60-70% of all people vaccinated, which is not enough for a herd immunity that protects people who cannot get vaccinated.
  I hope it was interesting! I love talking about such stuff, was sitting here with a smile while typing, thanks for listening :-)
- Can you give some examples?
  
  For example when i start talking about biology and cell mechanisms, or when explaining how i fixed some technical issue that popped up. In the past I wasn't able to stop, but i've learnt my lesson and when i see that i've exceeded the maximum talking time (mostly on her face) then i stop talking. Those things aren't stuff that she does know about, but she's not very interested in those things.
  
  Is that the Netscape logo?
- I hate explaining things, there's for sure other people out there and even in YouTube that can explain it better. So instead I just give sarcastic answers and hope they don't believe me. I do think mansplaining is hilarious though, and will mock it sometimes by doing it back to whoever started. But I don't like getting hit so I don't do it so often anymore

I'm not mansplaining I'm tism info dumping. If you want to patronize me go for it. I'll keep going
- I would, of course, mistake the condescension for genuine and sincere interest. I have found a nerd buddy. Once I'm done dumping, you can dump on me. This is so cool.
  Oh wait... You're being mean. How heart breaking. I'll go climb into my little dark hole.
  
  Awww, I'll be your data dump buddy! I'll tell you all about freshwater fish, brewing rice wine, and woodworking in great detail if you'll tell me your things in equal detail.
- Fr. Sorry that I have 30 years of experience in this area and have observed that you are making the same fundamental errors I made when I had less than 30 years of experience in this area. Fuck me for trying to help, I guess.
- Hell yeah I love a good tism info dumping.
  Explaining to me the right tires for the winter? Bleh.
  Explaining to me the history of tires, traction on different types of surfaces, fun facts about rubber... Oooh marry me.
- I for one would love to be called a clever little guy after infodumping 🥰
- I've finally developed the skill those last weeks.
  Info dumping = I walk away. Calmly, kindly but... I just walk away. At work? With friends? At a bar? Walking away.
  My life is easier now and dissociation is down by 90%. I should have done that YEARS ago.
- did you ever consider that autistic women are a thing?
  if we ran our mouths as much as men do as if we're experts on every subject, we'd experience severe professional consequences
  
  Wat

As a man with adhd, I do this all the time to men and to women, and I've been accused of mansplaining. I'm working on it, but I promise it has nothing to do with sexism. I just think everybody needs to know all the details so rhey can reach the same conclusions as me.
And for what it's worth, I really appreciate when someone does the same for me on a topic I don't know about. But I understand how frustrating it is when someone does it on a subject I do know about, so I always try to gauge knowledge before info dumping. What catches me off guard is when someone isn't interested in learning. They don't know everything, and they are just OK with walking through life, knowing they don't know something.
Point is, I really do appreciate the grace presented in the post. I don't mind if you're being condescending if you forgive me for oversharing.
- This isn't a you problem. You haven't been mansplaining. This is gender war shenanigans and people being sexist towards men in the name of feminism. Gender in western society is honestly cooked at this point.
  
  Eh, it's a me problem of oversharing, and I can appreciate that my perspective isn't a universal perspective. How I'm perceived is as much my concern as my intention. I can't control what other people feel, but I can appreciate their perspective and respect their feelings without taking it personally.
  If someone feels like I'm mansplaining, I want to know about it and try not to do that again. That's not an indictment of gender relations in modern society, that's just courtesy.
  
  Maaaan. Why'd you have to go and do that? I was nodding my head at your words until you clarified it's the woman folks fault.
  You immediately made yourself a part of the gender war shenanigans with everything you said right after.
  Men do shitty things. Women do shitty things. That's it. There are always exceptions to the rule, there are always stereotypes that too many don't fall into. The bad apple stick out because they upset you and the memory sticks. We all come across asshole every day.
  I want to give you a hug honestly. And that's not being sarcastic or condescending. I just got off work and as much as I want to say what I want to say to this type of talk, I don't. It does no good.
  Having a good talk, sharing a drink or a smoke together and hugging/fist bumping/offering my jukebox credits is way better than man hating just because I deal with assholes all day. So I'm offering my last hug of the day to you because I'm sure you don't truly believe the woman here was speaking against you specifically or even every man she's ever encountered.
  Men aren't the devil incarnate. Neither are women, though.
- I will happily let someone go on about something that excites them because I get it. I feel like there are at least two different points being made here and each camp will not listen to the other.
  I will hide out in my studio sometimes to get peace from my boyfriend. It's not that I don't love him. I adore him!! He's treated me better than any other man I've been with.
  But we don't have conversations. It's a long standing issue with us that we are always working on. I listen to his monologues. Even if he has good intentions and asks about my day, most times I can't get even halfway through something I need to share off my chest before it distracts him and I'm listening to him for 3 hours. Sometimes he'll even ask, "you know what I mean?" "You get where I'm coming from?" And I'll take a breathe to speak aaaaand shut my mouth on it because he doesn't wait for a response.
  It can be overwhelming but we talk about it respectfully in the end. I lie, sometimes I get overwhelmed and exasperated. Then he will knock or text me to talk things out. Sometimes he gets upset when I need alone time and then I go to him and we talk. We ultimately apologize to each other. He's an amazing man and he calls me his goddess. We put up with each other's bullshit because we are both imperfect and still come back together in the end and absolutely adore each other.
  The difference in this particular post though, is my spouse wouldn't respond the way this dude did. Then again, I don't hinge my entire opinion on what woman on the internet says and what another man responds to it with. The warp and weft of gender, sexism, and neurodivergence, cannot be wrapped into one neat package of absolutes.
  Everyone has their opinions but they can also all be at least a little right.
- If the reason you are giving information to a woman is not that you are assuming their ignorance based on the fact that they're a woman, you're not mansplaining. Period.
  The sexist assumption is a core 'component' of the phenomenon.
  Also, said assumption can be sex-related, but also all sorts of other things. That's why I've adopted the term "splaining" as an umbrella term for it. "Mansplaining" unfairly creates the misandric perception that only men do it, and that the only motivating assumption is 'because she's female'. Both are inaccurate. I myself have experienced this based on several different assumptions throughout my life, based on my sex, age, even where I live.
  Is it 'splaining' to assume you know more than someone else on subject X because they're younger? Yes. Because they're white? Yes. Because they just started in an industry you've been working in for 10 years? No.
  And so on.
  I really hope this term catches on at some point, lol.
  P.S. Also, an assumption as described above is literally mandatory for it to count. If I'm explaining something to you after you've overtly demonstrated your ignorance on that subject, or I'm correcting a demonstrably false statement, that's not any kind of 'splaining', regardless of what either person's sex/race/age/etc. is.

It would be cool if we could keep sexism off lemmy. This isn't reddit.
- Gender wars stuff is the worst. I would be in favour of it being banned.
- Mansplaining ord is sexism itself. Agree with you we should discourage such things
- Agreed. Gender in many societies has gotten too cooked at this point. IDK how this gender war shenanigans is ever going to end.
- Yeah. Too bad all the incels came over.

Neurodivergents be like: "Wait people don't want to know this? That's absurd. So anyway, what I was saying was..."
How many "Men" are just ND?
- That's always been my issue with this whole mansplaining shit. Like yeah, it is a real thing that exists, but it very quickly just morphed into "a man (whom I didn't want to talk to me) told me something" most of the time.
  
  i’ll literally be talking about my own field in which i’d be considered an expert opinion with people who have no idea what they’re talking about and still get accused of mansplaining. i’ve never liked the framing of mansplaining either. it’s such a gigantic victim complex. you’re not obligated to sit and listen to anybody, let alone someone you aren’t enjoying talking to. if you sit and listen to someone’s entire explanation and don’t interject and explain you rather wouldn’t have - that’s not the other person in the conversation’s fault, be they a man, woman, or otherwise. like, you’re a grown ass fucking adult, why do we tolerate behavior that’s honestly kind of childish? the number of times i’ve seen genuine “mansplaining” i can count on one hand versus the numerous times ive seen men trying to earnestly participate in discourse shuttered out in the name of “justice.”
  this is how i kind of feel, it’s always just been a way to shut men down bc they said something you didn’t like or agree with. it’s rhetorically lazy, like you can’t even respond to what’s being said so you default to some weird ad hominem over their penis. not saying mansplaining doesn’t happen, it does, but it’s certainly not nearly as prevalent as people act. and frankly, even when it does, who the fuck cares? you’re not a hostage, and if you were, their monologue is the fucking least of your worries?!?
- How many “Men” are just ND?
  None. Men are cool to hate, get with the program.
- How many women are? They have been notoriously under diagnosed, so what? We still have to live and adapt to this world, regardless.
  I got my autism diagnoses at 39 years of age. Not that it does any good besides validating many of my lived experiences.
  Consider how many women are ND and have been forced fed the notion that we must sit down, shut up, focus, stay on task, do our duties, be strong women, never rock the boat, never be weird, keep a clean home, raise our children right, get paired with the ND boys in class who do actually get diagnosed so as to keep them on task, understand that boys will be boys ad nauseum.
  If I could adapt without any sympathy others can, too, man or woman. Communication is practiced. It must be nurtured from a young age regardless of any roadblocks you're born with or born to.
  What I noticed was that most of my best friends were diagnosed. We clicked not only because we were similar but also because my teachers paired me with them and it brought us closer for it. Meanwhile, I struggled in school myself. I also had to hold the hands of my friends and be their keepers. It makes me upset that they had extra help while more responsibility was foisted on me when I needed help myself and never got it.
  How am I a bartender who can absolutely relate to what she is saying and how he responded while still, also, being ND myself? Is it any wonder I never went into secondary schooling with the experience I had from grade school to highschool?
  One of my patrons is so much further on the spectrum than I and I would never condescend to her while she is speaking about anything. I'm truly happy to hear about anything she has to talk about.
  But if someone, man or woman, comes into my establishment and spoke to me in the same vein he is, I'd respond the same way she did because that response is something I learned to adapt to my surroundings regardless of a diagnosis.
  He fell right into a trap she set and he did it all by himself by typing it out and hitting send. If he's eloquent enough to respond the way he did, he's deserving of the answer he got. There is no excuse here that would make me forgive his response.
  If you're going to use your diagnosis as a crutch, be off with you. You can disagree, but not anywhere in this little text post is there any indication that he even is NB in the first place.
  What she was saying is something that women struggle with NB or not. Men also have their own struggles. Both are valid and there's no reason to be defensive about her response unless you're guilty of doing it yourself. But then you're just projecting.
  
  Uhhhh, this post was about mansplaining....

"Mansplaining" is sexist. It's the equivalent of saying women are airheads, or gossips, or talk too much.
Is each man expected to just... Assume that everyone else shares their exact knowledge? Would such an assumption not therefore eliminate most communication entirely?
Or what if we decided to divide up groups by something other than gender. Would it be okay to say "asiansplaining" or "jewsplaining" or "gaysplaoning"?
Can a trans-man mansplaining? Can a trans-woman mansplain? Is there a separate category of "transplaining"?
- Here's an example of "mansplaining": I've been beekeeping for close to ten years. A gentleman joined our group recently who has had maybe a few months' experience. Wearing a brand new bee suit and gloves, he proceeded to tell me how to carry out a basic hive inspection. He was not assuming I shared his exact knowledge, he was assuming I knew even less than him.
  The term mansplaining came about because it encapsulates a very common scenario. I know a few chaps who constantly explain stuff to me that I know a lot more about than they do, and in a very condescending way. One old codger even patted me on the head and said, "A young thing like you wouldn't know about MS-DOS." I bought my first computer in 1984.
  I haven't found mansplaining as prevalent among young men, I must say. They seem more open and egalitarian in their approach, more respectful. Though a friend told me, "It's because you remind them of their granny."
- You're right. The behavior really should be called "non-consensual info-dumping". Furthermore, people should ask first and only proceed to 'splain away if emphatic consent is given.
  
  That's the key. I LOVE explaining things I'm passionate about but it's rude to just go wild on people, so I've developed a process to gauge familiarity and interest.
- So when my ex-husband first went to vet tech school they, at some point, learned about menstruation. He proceeded to explain to me, a middle aged woman, how periods work, lol.
  
  So your ex-husband was an asshole. Cool story, but the world is full of condescending assholes of all kinds and polite people of all kinds.
- I've already heard the term "gaysplaining" unironically more than once in the bisexual sphere to call out gay people that try to gaslight bi people into thinking that they're not really bi.
  
  Sounds like a conversation that devolved into generalization and prejudice, treating each other as symbols of their identifies rather than individuals.
  I'm sure it happens. Tons of bigoted shit happens. That doesn't make it okay.
  
  As we all know, a bi person dating a different gender than themselves is just confused and straight, while a bi person dating their own gender is pretending to be gay to fit into LGBTQ spaces. /s
- Dude ngl so I was accused of mansplaining by an ex while explaining some technical shit I was talking about and I knew she didn't know, claiming she did in fact know..
  Assume that ~~everyone else~~ she shares their exact knowledge?
  And that's exactly what I did, upon her request. I stopped explaining technical terms when talking about something assuming she'll just know what a buffer tube and an H3 weight are. Turns out that made her "feel stupid" which of course wasn't my intention, I intended to both A) comply with her literal request as per respecting boundaries, and B) hope she'd see just how ineffective of a system that is for communication. Turns out I was the asshole for doing as she asked, who knew. She threatened to shoot me (she wasn't gonna do shit but still threatening to isn't exactly "chill") when we broke up for the crime of checks notes spending my own money legally, so I'm sure I was the problem lol.
  There's not much of a point to that story really other than I enjoy telling it but I rarely get to since it's rarely relevant, and to say don't bother assuming everyone knows things, they might just hate that too lol. Danged if ya do danged if ya don't, I'm royally danged.
- "Mansplaining" is describing something sexist. It describes a real phenomenon that is necessarily gendered.
  It's not sexist for the same reason terms like "anti-semitism" or "gay bashing" aren't prejudiced. They're descriptive of a real thing that happens.
  Terminology like this can help women navigate problems that men don't have. If you don't see the value in it, maybe that's because you've never experienced that problem.
  
  I don't know...my wife wifesplains things to me...assuming I'm a toddler and I'm not loading the dishwasher optimally; despite me knowing how to run computational fluid dynamics software and being aware of water flow optimiztion. 😀
  
  Bit of a difference between "mansplaining" and the other terms in that the other terms mention the target of the action, leaving the actor ambiguous. Anyone could be anti-semitic or bash gay people. Mansplaining is a term specifically coined to say that only men can perform condescending infodumps. What's worse, nowadays it's often used just for men explaining things they're not sure if the other person knows. Some of us are also neurodivergent and have trouble picking up even fairly obvious social cues. I know it's a problem for me with ADHD and I know there's also "tism infodumps". Both disorders affect women too (and ADHD in women is underdiagnosed), but I've never heard "womansplaining" used as a term, nor do I think it would be appropriate. It'd be a hella sexist term.
  I'm sure there's quite a few men out there who legitimately are so condescending, they feel they have to explain basic things to "dumb women". But I'm willing to bet most cases of "mansplaining" are some guy being an idiot and missing hints from the other party in the conversation, as well as just misjudging what is common knowledge and what isn't.
  It doesn't help that women are just more polite and more likely to let you finish talking even when they know everything lol
- Not gonna lie, I had no idea until this post that "mansplaining" was strictly considered male behavior. I've had women do the same thing when I'm in spaces or situations that are traditionally female dominated, and figured that "mansplaining" was the appropriate descriptor for that. TIL.
- And yes, women can mansplain
- Nope
- Anyone can "mansplain," so better to say "womansplain," "non-binarysplain," etc. as applicable.
  
  English already haz gender-neutral words for this. For an adjective, we have "condescending". For a verb, we have pontificate, garage, bloviate, bluster, rant, etc.
  Language changes and evolves over time, so we could also make a new word for this phenomenon. "Mansplaining" is unnecessary gendered slur.
- If you don't do it, then don't worry. The term doesn't apply to you.
  
  No, it applies to "men", and I identify as one.
  That's like whenever racists say shit like "hey did you know 50% of crimes are committed by 13% of the population?", a black person calling out the racism, and then being dismissed by saying "well if you don't commit crimes they aren't talking about you".
  
  The problem is when people assume you're mansplaining just because you're a man explaining something.

I too hate [opposite gender of reader]
I hate them very much and would not like them on my bed or in my home or in my arms
I hate [opposite gender] and their tendency to be constantly on my mind
- Here is a story about how much smarter i am than [opposite gender]
- I do not like [opposite gender of reader]. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am.

how she explains it is literally how i feel. i always worry someone might be thinking I'm mansplaining when really I'm just nerding out and want to talk about interesting info with a friend
i generally assume good intentions and i hope others give me the same courtesy, even if it has sometimes burned me in the past.

My SO put it perfectly when I apologized for talking too much, she said "it's ok, I know you like to listen to yourself"
And honestly, I do talk to myself when nobody's around and there isn't a huge difference in what I'm saying in either context.
I'm not having a conversation with myself, I'm just kind of thinking out loud.
- My wife gets mad at me for not answering them when they ask me questions or acknowledging when they make statements to me. I've been with them over half my life and a few months ago I FINALLY found a way to describe it lol. I told them "sometimes you talk out loud to yourself". Because when they're talking to themselves I don't need to answer, so I'll tune out, but sometimes they start talking to me and I don't realize it because I'm tired or distracted. This was after we were both exhausted from the gym.

Okay but what if I’m excited to talk about dinosaurs? Is it mansplaining because I didn’t know the lady im talking to is a paleontologist ?
And people wonder why many men are afraid to talk to women.
- Nah, some people might get offended right from the get go if you start talking about the basics with them, but it's only a problem if you continue to insist that you know better than them once it becomes clear they have an understanding of the topic. Like, if you're excited to talk about dinosaurs and the person you're talking to is a paleontologist, but you pivot to talking about deeper aspects of the topic once you realize, you're all good! Even better if you start asking them questions to learn from their expertise.
  On the other hand, if you realize that they are a paleontologist and completely disregard that, insisting to them that you actually know more than them, or continue trying to explain base concepts, then yeah, you're a jerk.
- There's a difference between being excited to share something and explaining basic concepts. If you excitedly talk to a paleontologist about dinosaurs, they will most likely excitedly talk back.
  "Mansplaining" is specifically when you are trying to tell someone else about their area of expertise and insisting you know better than them. For example, if you told a paleontology how to look after fossils.
  A lot of it, like most human interactions, is about how you approach it and your tone of voice. I don't know what your level of social skills are, but if you're excited to talk about something then most people who are in that field of study would be excited to listen and talk back. Just be ready to learn and accept the possibility that they may know more than you
- She was being sardonic. He was being defensive, borderline hostile. This observation is subjective, I know.
  When I'm unsure, I just ask. Like this: Are you being sarcastic or satirical right now or or are you being a Shawn?
  
  He was being defensive, borderline hostile.
  He was correct. He was direct. There really isn’t any other way to handle an asshole when they’re celebrating their own assholery.
- These are just dumb people, doesnt matter man or woman, we have them on both sides

This is just a good approach. I treat humans like cute animals. Not gonna get bit by a bunny and hope it burns in hell.
- It wouldn't matter whether I'm infodumping or mansplaining, I would love this response.
  Positive feedback pweeese!

Mansplaining is so 2015. I thought the culture wars had moved on? I see this is 3 years old, but it's pretty outré even for 2022.

It's super easy not to mansplain. When you bring up a subject, just ask if they know about it, then segue into a conversation where you can both participate.
- Eh. As much as I want that to be true, there are some people who will never admit they don't know something.
  
  Good idea. Keep educating people just in case they need your opinion and don't know it.
  /s

Did she get his name wrong on purpose?
- I think she got so focused on her 'sick burn', the resulting heat waves obscured her vision, causing her to misread "Shane" as "Shawn".

I often explain stuff for others so they can verify my information, it also gives me another chance to go over the idea in my head.

She sounds like an asshole
- That's such a cool observation :)
  
  Is try at your attempt at lashing out over hurt feelings?
- ur mom lies to u
  
  Your mom lies to your dad everyday
- Well she’s not here to impress you.
  
  She’s clearly posting for attention though

I would like to know more about this Vagina Devil Magic...
- Allow me to mansplain.
  Nah I'm just kidding I have no idea.
  Im assuming it's this energy.

So many likes under this toxic shit post, though comments section is full of people with valid conclusions

Why would it be ok to be condescending towards a toddler?
- doesn't say that
  
  Wack ass baby doesn't even know how about Euclidean geometry, having to explain right triangles and shit. It's called Pythagorean theorem you dumb ass baby don't you goo goo gah gah me.

Luckily I never do mansplaining because I don’t understand how anything works.
Women often complain that when they go to home depot the workers always ask what project they are doing and walk them through how to do it instead of just pointing them to the product they are looking for.
Honestly I’d love nothing more than for a Home Depot worker to ask me about my project and walk me through how to do it. It would save me the inevitable return trip(s) to pick up that one part or tool I didn’t think about.
But I understand that it could be seen as condescending if you do know what you’re doing and just need help finding the thing you already know you need.

It's my ADHD, just call me a spaz or a removed like everyone else, don't bother being condescending because I'll miss it and think you're my friend when you clearly are not.

I mean they aren't wrong, she's patronizing them with condescension they can't perceive because of their clear deficits.
- That's a great observation!
- I mean yes ADHD and Autism are clear deficits but you don't need to be a dick about it.

Women: "Don't be condescending"
Lemmites: "What the fuck"
- "Okay that's wrong, and here's why..."

I catch myself doing this all the damn time, and that's precisely what it is for me.
I suspect that's what it is for many of us. Most of us don't intend condescension, but I expect that doesn't make it any better ;)
- For me, I convert that feeling into XKCD's lucky ten-thousand wherever practical. It transforms the situation from a 'me vs you' conversation to an US vs crazy reality.
  
  Could probably also maybe slightly disarm it with "did you [want to] know about (x)"
- Maybe it's that there is nothing wrong with a man explaining something that he is excited about and that there is also nothing wrong with women feigning attention in these situations because it's a social response to promote group thinking as opposed to individual effort?
  Maybe it's only natural and we don't have to hate ourselves for it? Sure you might not be happy to play that role every single time, but you don't have to because you are free to choose.
  Also, you can isolate yourself from other people if you do not wish to have discourse with men or women that will no doubt involve them explaining things to you that they are passionate about or excited in the moment.
  I would certainly not criticize the woman or the man for these behaviors because I see it as human.
  
  Well shit, I think you just helped me discover the origins of my introverted trait. I think I might isolate myself to keep from being that person!

Is she explaining a basic thing herself?

Dropping this gem here:
Aussie Senator mansplaining

Actually a pretty weak comeback, IMO. Just generically dismissive and rude with neither cleverness nor specificity. About the same level of sophistication as telling someone to shut up. There are better ways to be patronizing.
- That's right, ArbitraryValve! Good catch, nicely done bud!
  
  OP walked right into that, face first. 🤦🏻‍♂️
  
  Oh yeah, serves smug shutlibs of course

Honestly I think everyone would be happy with this is everyone did it but sadly often times people let their egos get too big and they have to brag about it and make the other person feel bad.

Great post, thanks for sharing!

- To whoever agrees with this fat L of a take, your mom's a hoe.

This is the type of attitude that makes me not talk to humans. Sure I might know something about it but if I tell you then I am an asshole apparently. So....figure it out yourself.
- In my experience, nobody has any problem with you sharing your knowledge with them if (1) you're an actual expert (and not just an "armchair expert", (2) they actually want or need someone to tell them the information they're looking for, and (3) you express it courteously and kindly.
  In pretty much any case, you're not likely to ever get good results if #2 isn't true. Maybe they want to figure it out themselves. Maybe they don't actually care. Maybe they're making a joke that people who really are experts would get!
  Even if you don't have #1, you can get a long way with #3 (especially if you frame it as you're a fellow learner sharing what you've gleaned so far, such as by giving them info and asking for something in return—"oh, I found out that you can do X and it works really well, but I could never figure out Y, how'd you do that?!").

Show him girl, you are so smart /s

Can someone mansplain mansplaining to me? It seems like any time someone with a beard inhales sharply.
Kind of like how manspreading is men sitting down.
And the male gaze is men looking at things.
- Mansplaining is when you explain a subject to a woman as if she doesn't know it, when she would be fully expected to know it. An example would be a man without an astrophysics degree explaining astrophysics with condescension to a woman with an astrophysics degree. It sounds silly but I've seen it happen, more often than not it happens online though because terminally online people tend to be more condescending.
  Manspreading is more often when dudes intentionally take up more sitting space than they clearly need in public when it's obvious there is enough space for additional people. Often it's a lack of self awareness.
  Male gaze is the way women are most often portrayed in visual arts and media from a heterosexual, masculine perspective, often objectifying them as sexual objects for the pleasure of the male viewer. It suggests that media is often constructed and consumed from a male perspective.
  Hell, even a lot of sexualization of men is from the male perspective. Having spoken to a lot of women about how they experience attraction, most aren't very interested in the hypermasculine view of the male "ideal body" and are far more interested in certain behaviors and mannerisms, or even just the look of their face and hands, rather than everything else.
  I'm writing this not as an argument, but as taking your questions in good faith. I hope it was in good faith.
  
  Manspreading is more often when dudes intentionally take up more sitting space than they clearly need in public when it's obvious there is enough space for additional people. Often it's a lack of self awareness.
  I feel like doing it intentionally and doing it because you're lacking self awareness are sorta at odds
  
  What I picture in my head when I hear the term manspreading is the guy on every bus or subway who is sitting in a middle seat with legs spread wide. It could also be arms around the backs of the surrounding chairs.
- I'm memestealing this!
- Probably bait, but I’ll take it anyways.
  Mansplaining is when you make an assumption that a woman doesn’t know something basic and fundamental about a topic, and then explain it to them like they’re an idiot or a child. You may not even be aware you’re doing it as a man, because misogyny is ingrained into our culture and social conditioning. Such is the nature of microaggressions; you do them without realizing, because it’s a bias that has become so baked into your worldview as to become subconscious.
  It’s easy to avoid doing, though. Anytime you’re about to explain something, to a woman or otherwise, simply first ask if they are familiar with ‘x topic’. If the answer is yes, proceed without explanation, if the answer is no, explain as you would to anyone else without condescension. It’s literally that easy.
  
  “Doesn’t know something basic and fundamental”?
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansplaining
  asked if she had "heard about the very important Muybridge book that came out this year"—not considering that it might be (as, in fact, it was) Solnit's book
  He didn’t know she was the author. I mean, that’s a pretty simple mistake to make. I wouldn’t assume someone I’m casually speaking to at a party is the author of the particular book on the particular subject we are chatting about. What are the odds?
  But somehow this is extrapolated to any time any man monologues. And implicitly that only men do this, and only to women. Let me blow your mind: sometimes men bloviate to other men. And sometimes women do this to men.
- 0 for 3
  
  So, no.
- Mansplaining is when a man & woman have a conversation, he catches a puzzled look on her face with prolonged silence, he proceeds to elaborate & try to clarify the last topic to clear up confusion so she can participate, thereby pisses her off, because she already understood & the man didn't mindread. It's basically like any human interaction.
- The only place I see those terms used to describe benign behavior is in rage bait. My guess is that you haven't heard someone use those terms in a serious way because of an internet bubble or something.
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansplaining Wikipedia says it originated as a call out for internalized misogyny, but now is used very generally.
  I bet you could find info on the rest pretty easily.
  Also its real ironic that your comment meets the definition of mansplaining lol.
  "(for a man) to comment on or explain something, to a woman, in a condescending, overconfident, and often inaccurate or oversimplified manner".[1][2][3][4]
  I'm not a woman though, but if any read your comment then you meet the strict definition lol.
  
  Asking someone to explain mansplaining is mansplaining. Got it.
- Mansplaining is when you are a male and you open your mouth to say something. It might have been used properly in the past but now it's just a buzzword used to silence people.
  
  It does seem to be a way to shut men down without making any kind of point. Look at some of the responses in this thread.
  Another “emotional invalidation” or “NPD” or “weaponized incompetence.”

She's probably an idiot and had to be told in that way

gotta love how every time there is a woman voiceing an opinion thats critizising men just in the slightest, the comments are filled makeing sure we know "bUT Not aLL MeN"
hot take: if you feel the need to defend yourself from such takes, maybe its time for some self-reflection (:
- Then don't use "all men" in that opinion...
- By the way, did you see that bodycam footage last week? It was all black people! must mean i should be wary of all blacks forever now, i guess
- I'm not a big fan of the term but I understand how it came about.
  Yes, when women are being talked over and condescended to it's usually by men. Not all men, no. We're not talking about conversations or people just explaining things, we're talking about working three times as hard for the same amount of respect, and knowing there's a certain percentage of the population who will never change their minds about women.
  Women talk about their frustration and men complain they didn't cause it. They think they're in this picture but they weren't... until they decided it was a personal attack.

Men do mensplain but they do it most if you are a week "cute girl". In my line of work I have to be kind of a removed (not asshole just not girly), if I'm cute I won't get anything done. Nobody mensplain anything to a removed. They roll their eyes and just do whater you want fast so you cam go away.
In my private life I'm usually the one womensplaing
- You sound like a treat to be around.
- Do what I say, not what I do...

Remember boys, the ppl that think like this are the ones that will try to prevent you from a fair shot at everything. Get ready to be discriminated against and simply record everything so it can be documented online and in the courts. Dont engage with them - just expose their behavior and choices.
- What?
  
  Oh dont worry. It’s nothing that would benefit from your input.

The meme: A dude condescendingly explaining something to a woman.
The comments: Men patting each other on the back for saying it's okay to explain things.
- Looks more like a woman being proud of being a dick.
  
  ...to the guy who was a dick to her.
- People on each side of the issue can have different opinions on it. Maybe the solution is in the middle...
  
  One side of the issue: A woman annoyed because men talk down to her, comes up with a solution.
  The other side: ?
  The middle: ??

man: h- woman: shoots him everyone claps politely
- Did your mom beat you as a child? Why do you hate women?