1y ago

My mother-in-law lives with us and has been diagnosed with Alzheimers. We've been dealing with it for about a year but things are progressively getting worse. What are options for care?

She gets social security, and we don't have a lot of money ourselves and are no longer able to be with her 24/7. We are in Maryland, and are scared of what we can do. Will her medicare do anything? Is it too late for something like long term care insurance? We have no idea where to start.

Thanks for any insight.

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Can I set up some kind of will so that if I get Alzheimer’s or dementia, my family can euthanize me even if I object? Being a burden like that sounds fucking awful.
- my family can euthanize me even if I object?
  No.
  There's no law that allows killing of the unwilling; even a living will addressing assisted suicide or euthanization due to incapability assumes that you would still consent at the later date, but lack either physical or intellectual ability to communicate that. If you can clearly communicate that you've changed your mind, they have to respect that, even if that changed mind has reduced capability due to dementia.
  Your best hope would be to go with assisted suicide while you still have enough faculties to make the decision and execute on your portions of the act.
  
  Well that’s stupid
  If you can kill yourself whenever you want, you should be able to kill yourself in advance too
  I mean you kid of can with a “do not resuscitate “
  
  It’s actually not stupid, but quite complex.
  In the countries where euthanasia is commonly practiced, there are huge ethical discussions about it and the more you learn about it, the more complex it gets. It turns out, that if you get dementia, your personality changes. The new person you may become may not want to die, even if they cannot judge the situation adequately. In any medical situation a no means more than a yes and, in general, that is a very good thing.
  I share your opinion that I would rather be euthanized than have my loved ones go through the whole process. But it really isn’t simple.
  
  I understand that concern
  I’m saying it would be better for society in general if I could be euthanized against my will if I have dementia, and I really do think it’s that simple. It’s like a trolley problem. You have to make the trolley run me over, so my loved ones aren’t tortured and burdened. We euthanize animals against their will all the time and while it’s very hard, we recognize it’s necessary. I think the same logic should apply, and it’s made easier with prior consent.
- Probably depends on your state. CA (and IIRC all the west coast states plus some others) has euthanasia/assisted suicide options/laws in place.
  
  To specifically answer their question: No. There is no state that will allow your family to euthanize someone who currently objects, just because that person, while younger, signed a will stating that was their wish.
  
  And it also should be mentioned that any current “no” voids any earlier signed paperwork about a wish for euthanasia.
- In Colorado we voted in a law the allows for physician-assisted suicide in the event of bad health scenarios with no hope of a good life.
  I’m not sure if your situation would apply, but there may be some way of declaring Alzheimers to be in that category for you, in a way that would provide the consent for the euthanasia.
  But if you with alzheimers is there claiming you don’t want to die, it’s hard to imagine a doctor assisting in your death under those circumstances.
  If you wanted to address this problem directly you might be able to rig up some kind of neurotoxin that kills you unless you enter a code whose value is determined by applying an algorithm based on the date. It would be a “forgetful man’s switch” instead of a dead man’s switch. Basically your intact memory would be necessary for your life to continue.
  But that would require you to commit to correctly running that algorithm in your head each day and entering the code without error in order to stay alive.

25 comments