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The way it is playing out in my family has led me to have to totally reevaluate my perception of my own father.
He is a generally kind man. He stayed with my mom for two decades as she declined with Parkinson’s. He took good care of her when so many people might have ghosted.
But based on his inability to see the danger here to things he himself values, I can no longer think of him as a good man. He has always valued knowledge and reason yet he swallowed the cat-eating crap out of Ohio in spite of the clear bullshit of it.
He is Mormon and very faithful. So I don’t know what he gets out of this all, except that it has required me to grieve him before his passing.
He is not actually a good person I am afraid, but he is very obedient. Learning that distinction is very painful. He does not possess the moral clarity to know the difference between what is legal/popular and what is right.
I always idolized my dad as a child because he was in so many ways a good father. We will probably never speak again.
“ He is not actually a good person I am afraid, but he is very obedient.”
Sadly this is the legacy of the LDS faith.
Don't forget the cliqueiness. I've been the victim of the mormon cliques more than once.
The first LDS family I knew were all rabid aggressive assholes. It's funny that in hindsight these might be the most real and honest LDS followers I have met.
You guys should watch Heretic.
Which one? I see three in the last 12 years. I'm guessing it's the 2024 one?
Yeah that's the new one. Hugh Grant's best performance.
Sorry for your loss.
Religion sucks so much, especially the more dogmatic ones. Mormonism is gross.
One insight I would offer is that categorising people as "good" or "not good" may not be helpful. I suspect that your dad probably invests a lot of effort in being a good man, he's just unable to acknowledge that his perspective has been corrupted.
We judge ourselves by our intentions but others by their actions.
It's not wrong to never speak to him again, but maybe this will make the mourning easier.
Thank you.
Yes, I agree black and white categories aren’t the ideal way to describe people.
But there comes a time when nuance is used against the compassionate to normalize reprehensible actions. We are in that time now.
It is for these reasons that I cannot stand listening to NPR anymore. The ineffectual hand wringing and disingenuous ’liberal self-reflection’ is tiresome and we are well past the time for thoughtful think-pieces.
I shared with my mother, only yesterday, that I consider her somewhat of a bad person for voting for orange for a second term. I said that she could be forgiven for not perceiving what he is the first time (though it was obvious to anyone with limited understanding of the world), but after seeing him in action and voting for him again, she should be ashamed of herself. I don't expect the relationship to ever fully recover, as I will not forgive her for endangering my loved ones and all of us collectively.
I'm very grateful that my parents have never lived in the Utah bubble; they saw right through Trump in 2016, and, for the first time in their lives, voted for someone other than a Republican.
Keep in mind that Benson was hard right; he would have thought that John Birchers were leftists. He and his faction may not have led the church for very long, but they had a profound influence on it.
It can hard to see good people do bad things. To learn all that love came with limits
I have a brother who leans conservative, but not part of the cult. He is generally a good guy but a combination of being surrounded by conservatives and believing too much of what he reads online.
He’s an engineer at an old time manufacturer and especially condemns DEI hires. I have no way of judging whether they really do hire primarily for reasons other than merit, or if he has a limited perspective informed mostly by his peers, or if it’s really a generational problem as he’s part of the old timers being replaced by upstarts.
It’s probably partly generational. I mean the old guard got pensions and we get wtevs.
People who aren’t in leadership often have no idea how to judge actual merit anyway. Especially among engineers who often develop very myopic views informed by their tech specialties. I am often gob-smacked by the incredibly stupid ideas otherwise brilliant engineers have about how the world works.
So sadly folks like your brother are probably feeling validated for their racist feelings right now.