Straight men, what's the weirdest thing you've been told you can't do because it's gay?

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I went roller blading on the boardwalk along the beach during the pandemic and got called gay
- It wasn't your skates that did it; it was your crop top and hotpants. ^j/k
- Well are you? I don’t see any proof you’re trying to deny it.
  
  Roller blading is less gay than roller skates.
  
  🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let's get to together and touch together our peepees🎶
  
  I think the outfit determines how homosexual either appears, or if you are actively penetrating a man or being penetrated by a man.
  
  In some cough* *cough cultures, penetrating a man is a demonstration of masculinity and dominance and somehow doesn't make you gay.
  
  There is nothing more masculine than gay sex
  
  Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles
  
  Agreed. Rollerblading is very 90s.
- I haven't thought about this in like 20 years but when I was in middle school late 90s some kid had an album where one of the songs was titled "You Rollerblading (f-slur)" and I remember thinking it was the worst music I had heard in my life. 90% sure it was grindcore music, I didn't know what grindcore was at the time but my memory of the sound kind of fits that mold and the album had like fifty tracks and every single one of them was like 10-15 seconds long.
  
  I suspected this was an Anal Cunt track by the title and looking it up proved my suspicions correct.
  
  Looking at this now, you are correct, and while I wasn't proud of myself for having thought the song titles were funny, I feel a bit more embarrassed now than I did two minutes ago before looking it up. Edgy teenagers were clearly this band's target audience.
  
  I found out about them during the Napster/Kazaa era looking for 311 songs and their song “311 sucks” came up. I thought it was funny, then again, I was an edgy teenager at that time.
- There was a show, Human Giant I think it was called, which was like skit comedy. Aziz Ansari (spelling?) was in it. In the skit, he was talking about rollerblading and I lost it when, with a straight face, he said, "the hardest thing about rollerblading is telling your parents' you're gay."

391 comments