Amazon Has Turned Into an Monopolistic Shithole Littered With Pay-to-Play Ads, FTC Lawsuit Solemnly Argues

I would slide them $5 for them to openly swear though

Exactly. The document simply states

“We're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat.”

Would be cooler if they did, tho

They should have, because that's what Amazon is these days. :P

And these guys call themselves professional journalists?

Totally agree. Let's leave the sensationalization for that other site.