Does everyone have an opposite gender name they would use?
Say if someone came up to you and asked "If you were a boy/girl what would your name be?" could you answer them without needing think or is that not something most people give a thought to?
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I'm trans so I would have to decline answering, as any other name than my current one would just be asked and used in attempts to hurt me. But I do know exactly what names I would have
Same, but I was thinking that no way I'd go back to the old one. But my current name doesn't have an obvious gender flip, so I'd have to come up with an entirely new name again.
Totally fair. I also have a gender neutral name these days, but since my parents thought names for both a girl and a boy before I was born I'd consider those my woman/man -names. But yeah the reality of being trans is that you can't ever tell any other names, unless you're lying for safety. It's always weaponized
Can you expand on that? Not asking for more personal Info than you want to share but how do people weaponize that? How shitty our our fellow human beings?
I feel a bit out of the loop standing here on my white CIS (is that even the right term?) privilege thinking people are getting better over time because I wouldn’t experience or even notice such things
It's basically because the name you used to have doesn't really matter, it tells nothing about who you are. Some ask it out of curiosity, which is invasive even if it's innocent (often that name reminds you about things you'd rather not remember), but some ask it just so they can use it to misgender you, and you can basically never know for sure is it malicious or not. Even people you thought were your friends might use the name later to hurt you if they get angry or some shit. So the best course of action is to never reveal your deadname to new people you meet. It's gone, it's past, it doesn't matter and nobody should care.
Even if you are cis-passing (nobody can tell you're trans just by looking), being trans means you have to either hide parts of you, or you are kind of fighting a constant battle of people reacting to you being trans. Even if you're in a position good enough for it to not be that malicious, it will wear you down eventually. You might think you're strong enough, that you can casually talk about your past and the name you had, you can take it! You're not a victim! And sure, maybe you can keep that up for couple years if you're lucky, but it gets old fast, and it will wear you down. Telling your deadname is just giving more free ammo to people who are more likely to shoot at you than you'd like
Ok thanks. I think I mainly misunderstood the premise
Yeah, it's not really complicated. The worst version is if someone tells your deadname to others to out you as trans, which makes it impossible for you to control the information. And if you're known there's always the risk of physical violence, especially if you're transwoman and living in less liberal places
I can’t pretend to know such fear but it’s horrifying there are people like that