Skip Navigation

InitialsDiceBearhttps://github.com/dicebear/dicebearhttps://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/„Initials” (https://github.com/dicebear/dicebear) by „DiceBear”, licensed under „CC0 1.0” (https://creativecommons.org/publicdomain/zero/1.0/)T
Posts
3
Comments
245
Joined
1 yr. ago

Certified person, 100% someone.

  • The thing about this meme that's actually completely unrelated is that eating grapes really makes me feel like a raccoon. A raccoon munching is all I can picture when I eat a grape and I close my eyes and crunch it.

  • The strait of Hormuz is a McDonald's ice cream machine.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump
  • If this narcissist really wants to be remembered for all eternity he should hold a press conference where he just stares into the camera and goes "I'm Donald Trump and this is jackass" then he swallows a shotgun.

  • This is kind of like the sound my dearly departed uncle used to make when he would use his all natural boner trampoline while banging the grocery store clerk. He thought it was a better idea than boner pills until he crunched his shlong the first time he used it. Damaged it so bad he needed boner pills just to use his custom fleshlight made of trampoline springs and fabric. Rest in peace uncle giblets, I'll always remember that time we went to the trampoline park and you got arrested.

  • Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit

  • Man I wish this was me, I'm out here working a job living a decent life.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump
  • Wait until you hear the story of the woman with the monsoon poon. She'll chew your knob right off.

  • My dad's grade 4 teacher used to clobber him real good with a Bible whenever he did normal kid stuff, the Bible can definitely make you cry.

  • Deleted

    Permanently Deleted

    Jump
  • My son's bus driver named Mohammed McGillicuddy always talks about all the fun he had in his 20s and 30s trapping small elephants in his yard and tagging them like common train cars. He moved to the city in his 40s and he's still having a blast but now his thing is growing Kentucky onions for his daughters wedding in 6 years.

  • Regardless, he sure knows how to lick that ice cream

  • The driver of this van is an old German guy by the name of Rudolph, although it's not an ice cream van he used to go Häagen Dazs on my asshole every 2-3 days last summer.

  • H2O

    Jump
  • Exactly 4h12m each time. I bring timers everywhere I go on account of my neurology.

  • H2O

    Jump
  • My favorite use for water is those 3 times I went to a bondage club in Japanese occupied Uruguay in 1983 and they tied my boner up and used a water flosser as a sounding rod on me for 4 hours and 12 minutes.

  • Rule

    Jump
  • I think I'm too old to understand this

  • Zen

    Jump
  • Cowabunga gozaimasu

  • Rule

    Jump
  • My barber named Greg told me he started micro dosing Viagra 3x a day so that he is always risen. I told him that's probably not good for his heart but he says having a constant boner gives him the self confidence to be a professional beatboxer.

  • They aren't like killer zombies though, literally just people with jenkem balls and smegma tits. You wouldn't be able to tell them apart from other people unless you had sex with them.

  • If you play the triangle in the Bermuda triangle everyone who's ever died there comes back to life, but with a catch. All the men have Jenkem filled balls and all the women have smegma filled tits. That's why no one has ever done it, no one wants hundreds of disgusting abominations risen from the dead.

    There's one exception to this though, a weird Christian cult in the 1970s believe that when Jesus resurrected and escaped from his tomb he actually walked on water all the way to the Bermuda triangle where he died for realsies. The cult members all made a pilgrimage there to play the triangle to resurrect him again but they all died.

  • 360

    Jump
  • Fun fact: Jackie Chan's parents named him that because his dad ran a porn website similar to 4chan called Jacky Chan in the 1950s before anyone even knew the Internet was possible. Truly a family ahead of the times. It's a shame he went on to be a successful movie star.