I said something about my jerboa app gonna stop working soon because of dumb Android API rules and no one at my Mennonite furniture store knew what the fuck I was talking about
My ex husband showed me this trick years ago. I still miss him but we had to separate because his gynecologist convinced me to drink 8 gallons of knob softener and caused a sexual catastrophe. Now I sit around playing dragon quest 4 with earplugs and a blindfold on every Wednesday night in his honor.
The asbestos condoms keep your shlonger safe from all the gross stuff on the balogna when you stuff it into a toilet paper tube to bake a makeshift fleshlight.
He's gonna open up a KFC rip off chain called Nantucket fried hymen. The only thing they serve is deep fried fish hymens with some kind of cum based mayonnaise sauce. I can't wait to try it, I bet it'll be disgusting
Wowsers you still think I'm using an LLM and that I'm not just a complete moron with a boring desk job? Maybe you should go buy yourself some [insert adjective] ice cream.
My 18 year old cat has gone deaf over the past year and I still tell her I love her. I also tell her to fuck off when she gets on the table and tries to eat from our plates but she no can hear.
My neighbor's wife's dog's previous owner's dental assistant's husband somehow did the jump between timelines and told us about the timeline where Harambe didn't get murdered.
It's not at all what you'd expect, in the other timeline some Elvis impersonator from Vegas became president in the 2016 and his first order of business was to order ICE to detain all Beatles fans and deport them to England. The cost of the operation bankrupted the nation and for some reason everyone blamed Harambe. A crowd of 2500 people marched to the zoo and lynched Harambe. Doing so resulted in an economic boom but also released some sort of respiratory virus that spread worldwide and caused millions of deaths. A few years later that guy from the apprentice became president and the timelines converged into the same situation we have now.
In the end nothing changed except all the Beatles fans are in England now and they prevented Brexit so I guess that's pretty cool.
Dear monsieur Seth Rogen, please make my movie about the man who changes the label on his wife's rock tumbler to say "cock tumbler" which inadvertantly turns it into some kind of magic lamp type device like in Aladdin. The dick genie inside can grant you 3 wishes but they all have to be cock related. The genie smokes a dick shaped bong and laughs heheheheheheheheheheheh.
Steak and cheese