You're the best kind of correct - technically correct.
And yet, if you happened to be a speaker of Navajo, Sioux or Algonquin, you'd say just that. You wouldn't say "I speak American", just like a speaker of Flemish, Albanian or Finnish would not say "I speak (Indo-)European". It's a description of the geographic origin or the broader language family, but not a category useful to indicate any specific language like Drunk Pete is trying to do here.
The problem is: you're assuming they're arguing in good faith when they say it's about pRoTeCtInG tHe ChIlDrEn. It's not. It's a pretext for the data grab and mass surveillance of everyone. They will gladly take your argument, claim age verification is compatible with privacy and anonymity, and then introduce age verification systems that do implement mass surveillance. Don't give them an inch.
Discovered and got psittsa up and running, a cool little project that combines Piper (TTS engine) with a web frontent that allows users to copy-paste text or URLs and to either stream the audio from the browser or download it as mp3. Apparently it even does clean-up of old files behind the scenes.
You could keep the Pixel - you've already bought it, so that money has already found its way into Google's coffers. If it works for you, you could flash a degoogled custom ROM, such as GrapheneOS, /e/OS or iodéOS. Pixels are excellent for this.
Since you're mentioning Bezos: why not leverage the fact that he and Musk are building rockets? Let them realise their aspirations of colonising the Moon or Mars. But let them do it themselves.
Yes. Because this is not about verifying your age; that's just the pretext. This is about identifying you and remotely being able to lock you out of the devices you longer own and control.
But then again, if you use YouTube and Steam, you're not in control or own anything, so...
Tbh, I very much doubt that the bottom lines of, say, Dassault, BMW, Metro, or UBS would even budge if Twitter were to self-ignite over night, and their Twitter accounts with it. They're (still) on this dumpster fire of a platform because "everybody is" and some bellend in marketing thinks it impossible not to do what all the others are doing. I'd argue no consumer cares what the Twitter account of Tesco's has or hasn't been posting this week, and it has zero effect on their purchasing decisions there.
"Self-employed creators", aka influencers, aka people shilling products while pretending to be your friend, might be affected more because they lack any non-virtual connection to their "customers" But then again, we could ask ourselves if these provide any real-world value and should exist in the first place.