Hey

They had fair warning. No way they didn't pick up signals on the way here and still chose to land.
- This is my headcannon for why we’ll never have first contact. Because in a theoretical infinite universe, aliens 100% exist in some form, but they’re absolutely mortified by the signals we pump out into our nearspace from TV, radio, internet, etc
  The most curious aliens might take a peek or come down for scans, but actually getting out of the UAP is like jumping the fence at the Cincinnati Zoo.
  
  So the aliens that do come down are researchers or stupid kids?... Wow, that checks out. Explains a lot of crashes. Joy riding alien teenagers, daredevils and a handful who break down here.
  Now I find myself wondering if aliens have an equivalent to a Nissan Altima.
  
  Supposedly our 200-ish year old bubble of lightspeed radio signals now encompasses 75 star systems. Unfortunately the signal gets diminished over distance thanks to the inverse square rule, so they’d maybe receive a signal but not be able to distinguish it from the CMB.
  
  We are the Riggs (Lethal Weapon) of the universe. No one wants to get close to us, we are unpredictable.
  
  Aliens killed Harambe? Those dicks!
- who says the signals would be dicipherable by their tech? to them it might be some kind of deadly radiation that keeps them away
  
  If radio at the energies used for long distance communication is deadly to you and your spaceship isn't enough to protect you from it, good luck getting into space in the first place.
  
  So if it’s deadly radiation, why didn’t they keep away?

"But why did they vote him in the second time?" -Aliens
- "The first was the suicide note."
  
  Damn that's good. From something?
  
  Most of them didn't

"Ive watched you guys enough to literally learn how to speak an alien language. Do you really think I don't know about all the problems you have on your planet?"
- Nah, they're just using a Babel Fish.
  
  I just had flashbacks to Yahoo's "Babel Fish" and its lousy translations.
- "I think you don't know what I'm saying. I'm not jackin your ride; You're taking me with you, I want off Moron Mountain."
- And yet I’m surprised you’re not surprised.
- "I thought this disaster sitcom was filmed in front of a live studio audience... You're telling me this is all for real?"

I like this version more:
The implication that the interstellar traveler would be on a planet without knowing what a shitshow it is already is kind of insulting to them.
- When he made his travel plans, this was Dinosaur Planet. Imagine his disappointment.
  
  "How much could change in a couple hundred million years? Oh..."
  Explains his expression.

- Ha what's that from
  
  Season 4, Star Trek Enterprise, the Mirror Universe episode, showing a slightly different first contact with the Vulcans. ^^

I've always assumed that before aliens land here, they're gonna send some robotic probes.
- If they are so advanced, they perfected the AGI. At this point you can't differentiate a robot and will think them as silicon (maybe they use something else?) based lifeforms.
  
  What's the point of replicating life? If I want a mindless servant I don't want them to seem alive at all and just doing it to prove you can doesn't seem all that advanced to me. Also who knows what advanced species might have discovered that we haven't? Maybe there is more to life than matter after all and replicating the other aspects will forever remain impossible.