Thanks I hate it

Ernie is committing a mercy killing. The hate crime is mustard on watermelon.
- Maybe Ernie's hate crime is unrelated to the top part
  
  Ernie got some demons

Everyday we tokyo drift further from god
- Shit like this wants me to Paul Walker outta here
  
  Look at you just Roman around like this isn't Ludacris. We need to run outta here.

If you see a news article saying "X Sensational Thing has become a trend", odds are is a gross exaggeration to the point of complete fabrication, and you fell for it.

Also whats that nickname of yours OP?
- One of my Valheim characters. A bit caveman-like.
  
  Fair enough, have a good time playing!

But seriously, melon mixed with feta, mint leaves and seasoned with chili is really nice.

I could believe it’s not horrible flavor-wise, but the very act in and of itself is irreparably sinful

That looks like an article - did 9gag morph from a cesspool into a curated cesspool like buzzfeed?

I think you could make a sour sauce that would be good with watermelon. Maybe something similar to lemon curd.
- Sriracha isn't exactly sour but it pairs really well with other sweet stuff.
  One of my favourite snacks is some sour jam (lemon, berries, rhubarb, etc) with a healthy dollop of sriracha on bread.
  The mix between fruits and garlic kinda feel like Durian if it had no smell.

I actually think this might work with some kinds of mustard. But definitely not with 'Murican mustard, as that's vile no matter what.
- I agree, putting salt on watermelon is a big thing in the south. I think using a flavorful mustard wouldn’t be much different than using a salad dressing.
  
  Salt on watermelon is delicious!
  Last year, a friend made me a watermelon salad that was basically just watermelon with balsamic vinegar and some mixed greens, and it was fantastic.

Lol, dude’s trying not to vomit.
(Only a trend like the cinnamon challenge, something awful with the taste of regret)

and there i was thinking i'm committing hate crimes against italy by putting ketchup on a panini whilst there're people out there committing hate crimes against the very idea of flavour!
- I expect most of my pizza and pasta recipes are a hate crime in Italy and I refuse to stop.

I don't care about the mustard. The way he's holding your melon makes me want to end him.

"Food trends" kill me.
Mmmm! Know what goes really good on your bowl of steaming rat assholes? Cobwebs. Have you had your bowl of steaming rat assholes and cobwebs today?