How much of an asshole is your washing machine/dryer?

It's hard to characterize in a single sentence, so I'll just break it down into its constituent parts.

The Beep

When the laundry cycle finishes it does the following:

• It beeps super loudly for 5 seconds
• If you don't run to switch it off, it will wait 30 more seconds and then continue to beep super loudly for 5 seconds
• If you switch it off whilst it's beeping, it will continue to finish its beeping
• There is no volume setting nor any way to switch this off.

The Door

When it's finished. It does not release. That beeping sound from earlier to tell you to come get your laundry? No no no, that was just the "come and watch me drain" alarm.

• Switching it off has no effect on the door release.
• It releases whenever it wants. It could be 5 minutes, it could be 20.
• When it does release, all you will get is a <clunk> sound, so you better be around to hear it.
• If you miss this sound, it will lock itself again 10-15 minutes later and rotate your clothes.
• It will then repeat the release process.

HELP ME. HE-ELP ME.