1w ago

I tried transitions, is it safe to say I did everything I could and now it's time to say goodbye

::: Cw suicide

I’ve known since I was 14 I was trans, ended up just having to suffer till I was 20, finally started estrogen, but ever since than it’s just be disgust and disappointment, I realize my body is just gross and repulsive regardless, like my genetics are just cursed. On top of that I have to same usual dead end job, I’m consider the goofy, unattractive person in every single group. I hate it. Outside of people who feel bad for me everyone avoids me cause I’m socially awkward. On top of not even being able to afford my bills I’ve never had an actual relationship. I’m an ugly degenerate loser by every single metric. I think at 23 my best bet is to pull out my credit card, do some research into a common pistol and its uses, walk into an academy, an tell them which gun I want and for common use etc, than go that parking lot I picked outside of town and pull the trigger. I picked it specifically cause it’s empty, no one but first responders will find me. I just feel so horrible but I’ve been in pain so long I honestly feel :::

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22 comments

Don't kill yourself with a gun, there are better methods.
Also you must be cooler than you think, with you being on lemmy and all.
Also also, depression is real and makes people (you) kill themselves. Try out the drugs before hurting yourself, they work and you will feel better. Don't be so arrogant to think you're the only ugly fucker out there :)
Love you anon
- Guns just seem easier and higher success rate
  
  Maybe easier to try. But flinch or move at the last moment, and you could wind up a vegetable instead of dead. At which point you won't be able to try again, and you'll be stuck living like that.
  
  Wouldn’t the margin of error kinda depend on the size of the bullet, and the speed of medical treatment. Like if I delayed thing a half hour, wouldn’t I just die a painful death rather than instant one. And if the bullet was large enough wouldn’t it do enough damage to kill me regardless
  
  Not really. There are a lot of variables, and it's not as cut and dry as many people think.
  Bullet ballistics are complicated. A bullet's size, weight, speed, shape, and composition are all factors, as are barrel length, rifling twist ratio, gas pressure, and probably a bunch of other stuff I'm forgetting.
  And then, shot placement is another huge factor in lethality. A small bullet in the "right" place can kill, a big bullet in the "wrong" place can leave you alive.
  Then you add to that the funny dichotomy of the human body being both really fragile and extremely resilient at the same time, and you get people surviving all sorts of things that for all intents and purposes should have killed them.
  Look... I can't say that I know what you're going through, because there's no way that I really can - your experiences are your own.
  But I can tell you this - I know about the darkness and hopelessness. I've been led to it by my own experiences, and have been consumed by it to the point I thought suicide was the only means of escape.
  But I was wrong. There were other ways out, and I did escape. And you can, too. If you want to.

22 comments