Does one have to be an iconoclast or revolutionary these days to be validly left? I consider myself to be left of center, and very much in favor of progressive policies.

I honestly didn't notice the .ml until now, but I've recognized your name around as well and aren't very abrasive with people either.

Different people have different strategies for engaging with people. Many older Anarchists and Marxists have become more jaded with Liberals and supporters of Liberalism, as they have had to support their own views countless times. I myself have found that every once in a while I can make people reconsider their positions, and that makes it more worth it to me. I don't fault the abrasiveness of more jaded Comrades.

It's just the constant "(insert violent ideas) to libs!" and not exactly being a full fledged leftist myself, I can't help but feel loathed by them especially when you get replies saying you're "the worst kind of person ever" etc..

Radicals tend to feel very strongly about their views, depending on what you have said I can see extreme pushback. That's why I suggest engaging with Leftist communities like Hexbear through their less-political communities, like !Games@Hexbear.net if you play video games.

As for the theory, it's been a very very long time so I'm sure I'm overdue to refresh my memory. I don't remember my specific issues with what I read, but I just know I wasn't convinced lol

Let's start with what you have engaged with, maybe that would be more productive. I can make general recommendations, but if you have specific works you disagreed with then it might help guide recommendations or discussion.