6mo ago

Mildred

Edit: alt-text: Reddit post in r/TrueOffMyChest

Title: my friend just transitioned but I found out she's naming herself Mildred. I wanna be supportive but, fucking Mildred?

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I say this as a trans woman. I will support, defend and love you no matter what sis.
But....
Fucking Mildred!?
- That's my great grandma's name. I think it's pretty nice. Lol.
  
  Oh sure, I bet your Great Grandma is a lovely person and I have nothing against her or her name.
  But, it is very much a GREAT GRANDMA sort of name that is super out of date. I would be exactly as critical as a parent naming their child Mildred.
  
  This generational. I've seen a number of names I thought of as grandma names come back into fashion. People who are young enough not to have experienced grandmas with those names pick them. Gertrude is a grandma name to me, BTW, not a great-grandma name. I actually had a grandma named Gertrude. Welcome to old. (Edit: my brain glitched from Mildred to Gertrude there. Looking forward to Alzheimers.)
  
  My partner's favorite name is Edith
  
  Edith Cranwinkle, chair person of the art crawl! Maybe you're not such a horrible, greasy, perverted, shabby, two - bit, filthy, disgusting pig, Bob!
  
  I low-key hope Agnes doesn’t come back.. that’s my middle name.. can’t stand it. I know it was my great grandmothers name, but I never met the woman.. and it just feels.. harsh. (Probs because I only heard it when I was in trouble, or when people were making fun of me)
  Plus side, my mom got talked out of naming me “Elsbeth”, which is a very very defunct precursor to Elizabeth (which she didn’t like)... Since frozen with Elsa, that probably would have been ok, but it didn’t come out until I was in my checks release very late 20s, by which point the damage would have been done.
  But hey I can’t complain too much on the naming lottery.. my sister has a fully 100% boys name. Her middle name is a French version of Patrick.
  
  I wish my middle name Shay (its the name i go by)would come back or be a thing for men. I've only ever met 2 other people in my age range with it, and both were women, and the one person outside of my age range was an old old old woman. I dislike my first name to such a large extent that I choose to go by Shay.
  
  I feel your pain. I wish I had a better first name or middle name to go by but I’m stuck between a shit place and a shitter place. And none of the nicknames I tried to get assigned actually worked out for me so.. I either get nicknames I hate as much as the name itself or nothing. Super fun!
  And if you want to change names, holy fuck, best of luck!
  At least you have something you can relate to? I have never met anyone, of any gender, named Shay. I know that doesn’t necessarily help… but.. it’s definitely not something I’d (as a solid middle age sort of person) consider a gendered name. Not more so than Aaron/Erin or any other neutral name..
  
  When you meet new people just tell them whatever name you prefer even if it's not your name. 2ish years ago, I started going by Shay by just telling people that. But there were people who have always known me by my other name, but I just told them I always hated that name, so call me Shay, and I gently corrected them every time they called me by my other name. The only people who still call me by me og name is my wife and my girlfriend(poly relationship not cheating), but they are working on it.
  
  There’s no name I actively want to go by, is the problem. I’ve tried with minor changes but nobody took them and they aren’t things I can just be like “this is me” because it… wouldn’t be actually? I’m envious of people who have the option to choose their own name, or how to apply it. Mine is so short there’s like 2 nickname options and I hate both. Passionately.
  Best I’ve ever come up with would take a full name change (first middle last) to be worth doing. And that’s not worth doing.
  I’m super glad it was effective for you, though, honestly that’s what matters. If it matters enough that you have a preference, it matters. My preference is just “anything else please” and that’s not a good option for most people, which.. legit.
  No judgement on your relationships, whatever works. I haven’t the energy to be weird about it :)
  
  Well, im sorry to hear that. I get how you feel, and I hope it can change for you if that's what you want. Ya polyamory is hard work and a lot of communication, but it can be super rewarding when it works.
  
  Im super glad it works for you, same with a self-directed name :)
  No need for sorrow, I think I'm just too old to see myself the way I’d have liked several decades back :)
  Either way, I hope you have a wonderful night friend! I hope to run into you again :)
  
  Women named Agnes should be required by law to marry a man named Abner
  
  Technically we know neither OOP's nor Mildred's age or generation
  
  Also my great grandmother's name... Cousin?
- I throw no shade on Mildred... As long as she's one of those girls who like dress in 1950's fashions and is way too into electroswing.
  Then it's only fitting.
- As a trans woman, fuck yeah Mildred. Take that awful name and make it your own. Sure you could’ve been a Megan or a Maria or even a McKenzie, but anyone could pull those off. You chose Mildred to flex on us plebs
  
  In contrary to my own comment, I entirely agree with this take.
  
  So many of us have a ridiculous name. I kept mine to my middle name, but so many don’t, so I can just fully embrace someone deciding she’s talking great grandma’s name and damn the consequences
  
  I actually sort of am the opposite! Growing up my deadname had an unusual spelling. It was literally immposible for someone to spell it correctly on their first attempt. So every form filled out on my behalf had to be corrected, everytime my name was called there would be a double checking moment who I am. It was just a huge giant pain in the ass and even as a kid I knew I would change it, even for non trans reasons. So my chosen name is much more basic, it's actually one of the most popular names for my birth year.
  I can't tell ya what a sigh of relief I give off when a cashier asks my name and just spells it correctly without giving it thought. that I can say who I am and people just... know that it's the person on the forum. So y'all are 10,000,000% valid and I love your damn the consequences vibes! But for me? I'm so happy with my basic simple unremarkable name.
  
  I get that, unfortunately my hard to spell name is my last name and I liked it too much to change it. I also didn’t realize that my common name has so many spellings, but by fuck do a lot of people insist on proving that. I also just like having a name that doesn’t instantly draw people’s attention, especially since my last name does.
  My middle name on the other hand is fucking ridiculous, but it’s easy to spell so there’s that.
- Do you accept Morgana or Gertrude better?
  
  Morgana rocks, like Morrigan
  
  Dragon Age Origins ftw
  
  Darkstalkers ftw.
  
  Morgana reminds me of LoL.
  
  Morgana
  Only if I can still decide when I go to sleep
- I had some friends that saved me from....Edith ugh.
  Then i did a juke and went with Eleanore lol
  
  Haaaa! I actually think Eleanore is a very pretty name, it has an elegant quality to me? Good pick! ♥
  
  cishet dude here so i dunno how much what I'm about to say matters but I've always liked the name Eleanor(e) because The Practice is my favorite procedural series and in that show Eleanor was a badass woman with strong convictions and morals.
  she also was in one of the coolest scenes in tv imo, having a very heated argument entirely in sign language. here's an unfortunately terrible recording of it: https://youtu.be/CwV9dHHQj-8
  anyway i think Eleanore is a cool name, but more than that, once people associate it with you that's what they will think about when they hear the name, the kind of person you are. not the other way around.
  
  Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
  Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
    But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
    And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Lenore?”
  This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Lenore!”—
         Merely this and nothing more.
  
  Lol, Edith and Mildred are literally my grandmothers' names. Edith is a badass and just turned 99.

176 comments