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  • A bidet, an ebike, a tongue scraper.

    The first means no more clogged toilets, no toilet paper needed, and a fantastically clean ass always.

    Also comes with side benefits like being able to eat the hottest foods imaginable, not getting hemorroids or healing those ones you may already have, being able to wipe your ass with two broken wrists (if you mountain bike or are old), not getting forever chemicals on your asshole, and having an ass that your SO won't think is disgusting.

    A commuter ebike, because it allows you to travel 1-45 miles stupidly easy, which saves a staggering amount of money on gas (uses pennies of electricity), parking fees, and wear and tear on your car. Side benefits include not being absolutely enraged in traffic, occasionally beating your own drive times in a car, and not having parking anxiety at popular destinations such as beaches, parks, downtown shopping, or ferries. Provides a decent amount of exercise as it basically becomes an exercise bike when the assist is turned off.

    It also will allow you to get up hills without getting sweaty.

    Tongue scraper- removes plaque from your tongue in cakes. Way better than mouthwash. Leaves your breath much fresher after meals. Works best at night, but also can remove bad morning breath. Get a small metal one. Dramatically changes your breath quality and makes your mouth feel cleaner. Great if you plan on doing some kissing.

196 comments