8mo ago

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"You can’t know if someone is a dipshit until after you interact with them, btw." That you said that is kinda at odds with what you are saying now.
If you are going to treat all members of a group as being the same as the worst members you have met then you are just choosing to be a bigot.
The issue isn't trans people as a whole. It's also not even close to half of trans people. There is something unique about your situation.
- This person is either lying, or had some karen at the coffee shop go off, and is now stretching that. I have family in Boston, Including a couple that live Jamaica Plains. That has been like LGBTQ central for a while. They, and no one they know, have ever been assaulted by people over privilege, pronouns, or for being white/straight/male/cis. They said the only place they have ever seen such eruptions of behavior is online, meaning it's just the rare karen.
  That, or they are bigot that goes out and agitates this type of behavior. Then frames it in a manner in which they are the victim.
  
  this was in Jamaica Plain at Espresso Love last new years day.
  And yes, everyone who i ever tell this too denies it happened to me. because I'm a big strong white guy... so nothing bad can ever happen to me. I'm clearly a bigoted POS and if i didn't put it on tiktok it doesn't exist.
  I'd rather just not deal with violence and crazy people whose insecurity is so rampant they need to assault others to feel powerful. I will just mind my peace and go to places not full of angry people who scream at being for getting coffee.
  
  And yes, everyone who i ever tell this too denies it happened to me
  Probably because it didn't. You were physically attacked for just standing in line to get coffee? Totally believable, definitely happens.
- no, it's basic survival instinct.
  if i eat the purple berries and they make me puke, i'm not going to eat them again. am i now bigoted against purple berries? or should i just keep eating them and getting sick and doing it over and over again?
  just like if i have a shitty meal at a restaurant, i won't go back to that place, or that chain if it's a chain. etc etc.
  
  The inherent traits of a species of berries is not comparable to the behavior of an entire demographic. If you treat all trans people as though they are unhinged or looking for the slightest excuse to be offended then that is as much bigoted behavior and stereotyping as treating all Mexicans as lazy or all black people as criminals or all Irish as angry drunks. People are not berries. Their treatment of you isn't coming from the genetic level.
  You may have had some legit crazy fringe case experiences and the shock and hurt that you would feel from that would be very valid but if you turn immediately from that to "if I'm gonna be treated like a bigot then I'll just be a bigot" then there are some worrisome seeds already planted. If things went as you described them then you had some unfair encounters but those handful of experiences are not close to enough to judge all trans people by. That's hard to grapple with if there is still that emotional sting from those experiences. I do understand the reaction of "fine I'll show you just much I can be the thing you wrongly accused me of being". I've been guilty of that in other contexts. But it's destructive and toxic. It makes the people treating you wrongly feel completely justified. It makes you act like a terrible person that you are not.
  
  I didn't until 2022 or so. I have been repeatedly assaulted the past few years, verbally and i have been physically assaulted by them. Some of them spread rumors about me. I'm done with them now. They treated me wrongly, and now I don't care about being friendly and welcoming to them anymore, justifiably.
  Keep moral grand standing all you want. If a group of people repeatedly harassed you I don't you'd be so high minded about it. You're arguing genetics, I'm protecting myself from mentally unwell people who have arbitrarily decided I'm the enemy because they are on tiktok too much and believe their violence is 100% justified as long as it's towards people who look are cishet and white.
  Truth is i'm not even what they think I am. I'm gender fluid, but I just look like a cis-hit white guy, so they go apeshit on me.
  
  I'm not trying to moral grand stand on you here. I'm saying that your reactions to your negative experiences are valid. But how far you take those reactions needs to be kept in check. Its not a high minded or aggressive stance to warn against letting the emotions of that trauma cause you to overreact. Try not to read it that way but rather as understanding and cautionary. You seem like you try to be decent and fair. You wouldn't let one bad person from other demographics/groups/whatever dictate how you treat all them. Don't let these handful of assholes control how you think of and treat all of trans people. Don't become the monster they accused you of being.
  
  I think you should also consider that they’re probably just lying and don’t actually have these negative experiences, since they also say they got kicked out of a community garden they helped fund because they were white and kicking out white people helped the garden get more grants.
  It’s just not likely that one person is a walking Fox News story, lol

478 comments