10mo ago

Tipping culture npcs

You're viewing a single thread.

673 comments

Tipping is more than just a custom; there really is a culture to it. If you're tipping only because you know the server makes less than minimum wage from the restaurant (or that greedy restaurant owners are completely to blame for this injustice), I think you may be misunderstanding an aspect of this culture.
Working in a restaurant is as hard a retail job as there is, and working as a server is often the hardest job in the restaurant. Being a truly good server requires a rare mix of people skills, math skills, memory, and a thick skin. So why do people choose to take the hardest job there is in the whole restaurant, when it pays less than all the other jobs?
Most servers end up getting paid better than the people doing other jobs in the restaurant. In most restaurants, servers make more than minimum wage. At the end of their shifts, most servers in turn tip-out the front-of-the-house employees, such as hosts and bussers, who often do only make minimum wage.
A truly excellent server may be the highest-paid employee for an entire shift -- that certainly includes the manager and anyone else on salary, and it may even include the owner, when you add in labor and upkeep costs.
In order to make all that money, however, this server has to work at all the times that everyone else is out having fun -- Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday morning. This server must put up with drunks, picky eaters and other narcissists, as well as seating errors and kitchen mistakes, all with a smile, for six or eight or ten hours straight. This server, who earns more than anyone else on the shift, is working harder than anyone else on the shift.
This is the other aspect that I wanted to address. Tipping culture is what gives that excellent server the opportunity to earn a better wage, more appropriate to the effort and expertise they devote to the job.
I'm sure this all sounds very capitalist, because it is. This may not be the most capitalism-friendly forum, I know, but I'm not trying to make any larger argument here.
I'm just saying that to me, it seems like this should be a "don't hate the players" (owners, managers, servers, rich/drunk people who like to leave big tips) "hate the game" (tipping culture). And even if you do hate tipping culture, it couldn't hurt to consider how it works for the people who don't hate it.
- First, good servers are far and few between and yet the expectation is always there (even in Canada for some bizarre reason). And people's definition of good is also different. I don't care about service with a smile, or being periodically asked if the food is good. That's actually annoying to me. Just get my order right and get my bill within a reasonable time. Even if you are juggling 3-5 different tables, you have a notepad for a reason. That's not worth much to me, especially since those are requirements of many other min wage jobs (ffs EMT personnel salaries are not paid much more than min wage, you see them asking for tips?).
  Second, tipping culture goes easy beyond dining in. They ask for it whenever you pay, even takeout. That's just rude imo.
  Third, anecdotally, service quality is not correlated with tipping. The best servers I've experienced have been going to Japan where they don't do tips.
  And it may seem that this is punching down, but it is not because conceptually tipping is a mechanism to justify suppressing wages/value of labor by businesses. Instead, "hating The game" should be about raising min wage as a whole so businesses pay more, and if that means goods cost more, at least the consumers are more informed that way.
  
  We had "server wages" in Canada up until very recently, hence why tipping culture exists here too.
  
  "People's definition of good is also different." That's exactly what makes working as a server a difficult job.
  Take you, for example. It sounds like you don't like to be bothered when you're dining out. An excellent server might be likely to recognize that and leave you alone after the first or second visit -- as well as get your order right and bring your bill promptly. Even if not, there's nothing wrong with politely asking to be left alone, but you can't expect your server to read your mind. Some people do like to be bothered. Some people value the experience of being served while dining out to be as important as the food or the ambience. People have different definitions of good.
  In your "first" part, I hear you talking about resentment toward feeling obliged to tip servers when they give poor service. I understand and agree, to an extent. Paying servers minimum wage (or more) would not necessarily improve the service, however, and could possibly allow it to become worse. The amount you leave as a tip -- if anything at all -- is still completely up to you. That's a big part of tipping culture as well.
  As for your "second," and your "third," I'm talking about tipping culture at sit-down restaurants in the United States.
  Because you are able to conceptualize tipping as a "a mechanism to justify suppressing wages" does not mean that's the only way to conceptualize it. Do you really believe that raising server pay to minimum wage (or more) would end tipping culture in the U.S.? I do not believe that at all. Because there really is a culture to it, even it is merely a custom to folks like you.
  We can stop its spread -- we can refuse to tip at places that never expected a tip before. But tipping at fancy sit-down restaurants is ingrained in American culture. It would take generations of social engineering to breed it out. There are people who like to be able to tip for good service, wealthy American people who will seek it out. Even if it became the norm not to tip at restaurants, I bet tipping would been seen as a status symbol at the fancier ones.
  And what about the "excellent server" I talked about earlier, who makes more money in tips than anyone else on the shift? To you, maybe that person is akin to some sort of prostitute, to be asking for extra money in exchange for personal consideration, when already making almost as much as "ffs EMT personnel"? Seriously though, no matter how much you raise that server's wage, they're still not going to be making anywhere near as much as they did working those big-money shifts for big tips. All else being even, they're not going to choose to work those crappy hours anymore either, so the restaurant no longer has its best staff working its most demanding shifts.
  Anyway, it didn't really seem like you were punching down. It did sort of seem like you failed to address some of the points I tried to make about tipping culture in the US, and instead provided information about your personal preferences and bad experiences dining out at full-service restaurants. That, and pushing the single-problem-single-solution minimum-wage idea, again without really addressing any of the possible collateral consequences I tried to suggest in the original post.
  
  Tipping is never going to go away, but I'd sure like it if they stopped promoting it on the POS.
- I worked at a restaurant as a kid washing dishes and servers did fuck all, made bank, and complained about how it wasn't enough. I lost all respect for waiters at that job (but I saw the same behaviors repeated too later in life. In the bay you'd notice that as soon as you didn't order an overpriced cocktail with dinner, your waiter would peg you as a low spender and basically just never come back unless you flagged them down).
  Cooks... Good cooks are nuts to me. They'll be cooking 10 different things simultaneously with timers running in their heads. I had no idea how they managed it.
- I worked in this culture. It’s very toxic. Stop trying to romanticize it. The movie ‘waiting’ was super on point on how it actually is.
- In order to make all that money, however, this server has to work at all the times that everyone else is out having fun -- Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday morning.
  Only tip at weekends. Gotcha.

673 comments