1y ago

What fruit is better than mangoes?

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Durian you fools! King of fruit, a divine and complex flavour.
Toffee and onion and sour cream and mango and banana and custard and pineapple all dance together. Ah durian, the only fruit worth travelling for to eat fresh off the tree.
Durian my beloved.
- Durian: tastes like Heaven; smells like Hell.
  One time, I had a box of durian-flavored cookies. (Think Oreos, but with durian filling). I brought them to work to share with my coworkers (because I can't eat a whole box by myself and I didn't plan to leave a partially-eaten and open box to linger in my house).
  I knew I was in trouble when I opened the box and realized that each cookie was individually sealed. As soon as I broke the seal on the first cookie the, err, unmistakeable durian scent began to waft through the office.
  I'd only managed to convince a single coworker to join my cookie break, but even having opened only two cookies, it wasn't long before someone walking twenty feet distant sniffed the air and asked in a worried tone, "Does anyone smell gas?"
  "It's these cookies!"
  "Cookies?! No - I smell natural gas, man! Like sulphur!"
  "Yeah. It's these cookies. Want one? They're durian flavored!"
  "Uh, no."
  "They taste better than they smell!"
  "...low bar. Still gonna pass on that."
  ...after the third person worrying about gas leaks, I had to throw away the rest of the cookies. Outside.
  
  They smell amazing idk what's wrong with people. Yes there are some chemicals in there commonly associated with noxious stuff, but that's also true of like garlic and onions.
  
  Someone baked durian on a ski trip, and people thought there was a gas leak in the house. Their house smelled terrible for days, lmao. Thank god I wasn't in that unit.
- I don't count durian among fruit. In my head it clusters with creamy ripening cheeses.
  
  ah but it is which is the delightful magic. A fruit with all the complexity of a good cheese and none of the horror. Woven from air with sunlight and gifted freely.
  What a generous thing the durian! Mana from heaven.
  
  Yes, I meant it as a compliment, of course. Durian is cheese in the same way an avocado is butter and some pawpaw cultivars are caramel pudding. Just as Douglas Adams said, everything grows somewhere.

185 comments