Lying to yourself isn’t really lying is it?

I have major depression. I've learned to hack it in various ways by, not exactly lying, but by making logical arguments that appeal to it.

I do 4 high intensity, 2 hour workouts a week like clockwork, just by reminding myself that I have a significant family history of sudden cardiac deaths, and that my greatest hope for escape from the pain of life, because I'm too much of a coward to do it directly, is to simply make my heart go boom.

Every workout is a lottery ticket to my problems being over! And bonus points, if I die doing cardio, my death wasn't embarrassing! "Look at him, dying on the stair machine, what a go getter!"