Freaks
Freaks
Comments
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Because it was taken from us. We used to divide labor, taking care of the home was considered a full time job for 1 adult.
Now here we are. Where it now takes 2 incomes, or frankly more, to raise a family and have a home. Now you have no time to do anything and purchase more expensive convince items to try to claw back time.
1 income should be enough if they want us to start having kids again
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Not even just one person. For most of history people mostly didn't live in a household with just 2 adults. That "dream" was an artificial setup as well. Now, if we had more community services, like common kitchens, child care etc, that might even be attainable but I'm not even sure it's preferable.
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I lost my job a few months ago and so I’ve had an inordinate amount of free time and it made me realize the same thing. Even with essentially infinite time I can’t get everything that needs to be done, done.
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Your time may be endless but your fatigue level won't care.
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great quote!
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"Things that need to be done" is a gas-state that grows to fill the volume of time that you have.
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High pressure gas state
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That's the neat part, I don't!
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Yeah the secret is not staying on top of all of these at once but finding a good balance
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It's impossible because we are social animals. We are evolved to live in tribes and extended families. We are trying to achieve things alone that our ancestors achieved in groups of up to 100 people. Rugged individualism is killing all of us.
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The best way to manage life is to just rub one out to extreme German pornography every time you complete a task.
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That's just more cleanup!
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I just lick it off. I call it recycling.
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Who says people do? My house is clean and I spend a lot of time with my friends. But I still don't have the time to work out and I haven't worked for 4 months.
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When I was in my last relationship, it was always a struggle between spending time together or going to the gym.
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Split the house chores between a partner, meme and doom scroll social media while at work, exercise at home or nearby. Don't have the energy to keep in contact with most people all that often though. Get what sleep I can.
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We dont but if you spend your life energy at a company, they are very grateful and you may get a watch after 30 years of service.
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"Here's all the time you'll never get back. Now shoo so we can pay someone younger less money to do your job."
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It's even worse when you have one or more small children. When they're awake they need most of your attention and when they're asleep you can finally try to undo all the chaos they wrought.
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We aren't.
I cook, my husband cleans. So we both eat. Cooking for everyone else so I do remember to eat too.
I work out because I prioritize it. Same with sleep. Let other things slide if you have to, I promise they won't slide as bad as if you don't work out and sleep.
We have someone come and clean every other week so it doesn't get too far out of control.
And not good at keeping up with people, oh well. I'm not really someone who collects people like that, though I have some friends who do, so got collected, lol. But we have parties once in awhile and catch up at those, or at least hang out.
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What you describe is accurate for non-wealthy, mid-class and above.
It's working as designed.
It's hard. And it's an ultra-nightmare setting playing irl with ADHD on.
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Do at least two at once
Have enough space
Use company time to do all of them
Nothing about the American lifestyle helps with any of this.
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I like cooking a hands-off kind of dinner that takes a while, so I have time to clean or whatever while I wait. If I have to schedule appointments, that happens while I'm on the clock. I wish exercise wasn't such a focused task. Feels like forever just doing one tedious thing.
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Exercise should happen during commute, social time, any time you're sitting and not doing anything important, a real job that requires you actually do things.
Social also overlaps nicely with food.
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Now imaging having children on top
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I think most people don't. I live in a small house with my wife, no kids, and even that gets overwhelming somehow. Some days are just lost to work, cleaning, and maintenance.
We do aim to have at least a couple of days a week where we don't have to do anything at all. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, it doesnt take long for burnout to set in.
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We don't. For a couple of years I am working in organizing my life much better, but it is still not possible to do everything.
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Actually it's because there are days I do absolutely absolutely nothing. That is how I recharge to prepare for the next set of active days.
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Literally every week, at least one of these things gets sacrificed and then I try to make up for it next week.
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Apart from what @hayvan@feddit.nl said, it's also important to understand how a human brain works.
Massively oversimplifying, you have a "primate" brain, good at complex and novel things like logic, casuality, motivation etc; and a "reptile" brain, good at just keeping you alive by repeating the same thing over and over. Crucially, the primate brain takes up a lot of energy and other resources when it works, so your reptile brain will shut it down wherever possible. The trick is to use your primate brain to form habits by repetition, which the reptile brain will pick up, because that's literally the only thing it's good at.
To form a (good) habit, you need three things: first, motivation. You need to understand why doing some action is good for you. Second, a trigger - some concrete event that "breaks the flow" of your life, e.g waking up, coming home from work, or just a loud alarm you set on your phone; this is needed for your reptile brain to wake up your primate brain so that it could use the motivation you have to force your body to do something. Third (and this is the hard part) repetition. If you force yourself to do the action every time a trigger occurs, your reptile brain will eventually start catching on. Remember, it is wired to simply repeat what you have been doing before, because you've survived up until now so it must be a good thing to do. This can take different amounts of repititions depending on various facrors, somewhere between dozens and hundreds. After that, you will start doing the action almost automatically when the trigger happens.
E.g. I exercise when I take a break from work in the middle of the day. To do that, I forced myself to do exercise whenever I took a break for like a month. Now I get this natural urge to do push-ups when I stand up from my table :)
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Yeah, the “reptile brain” vs “primate brain” is 1960’s science. And disproven. I wish people would stop saying it.
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Not only that but difficulty building habits is literally a symptom of ADHD.
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I stand corrected.
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Call it what you want, the man has now a craving for push-ups
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I don't. I don't take showers. And stopped going to the gym cuz no time.
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Fuck them normies! One task per day only gang for life!
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Most people don't. Social media makes it seem like they do, but most people's lives are at least somewhat messy.
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Don't watch tv or play video games. Shit post online while "at work."
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Just don’t be lazy, obviously
/s
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It's simple, I'm not.
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Easy just cut out exercising, cleaning and sleep ymmv
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I exercise at work during lunch. It's really hard to get motivated every single time, but always worth it.
Cook with the kids as soon as we get home. Multitasking is actually good decompression for me.
Have to shower before bed or I can't sleep.
Cleaning the house is a constant unfulfilling battle that I haven't figures out yet.
Friends visit often, but also disc golf has been a great way to goof off in the woods regularly.
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You don't have to do all these things. Just pretend on social media that you do.
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I do all those things on my own. I make a list of tasks I need to do every day or so and I cross them off as I complete them. Lift weights 4 times a week. Prepare meals on the off days and eat the leftovers on workout days. Groceries, laundry, clean, on the weekends. When everything's done or I have downtime in between tasks I play video games or whatever sounds fun. Go to bed at 10, read for an hour or so, sleep until 5-7am and do it all again. I talk to my friends on discord and in our group chat throughout the day and every week or two we get together at a bar or someones house. Overall pretty manageable other than when my job stresses me out so bad my mental health goes to shit but that's only a day or two every few weeks.
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Eh, it's not so bad. I build walking time into my commute everyday, and most of my meals are quick, easy, and cheap with minimal time required for preparation and cleanup. I do my more time-intense cooking, grilling, and smoking for fun meals on the weekends.
I stay relatively tidy anyway, so most cleaning tasks aren't too arduous, and I keep a few evenings available during the week to hang out with friends, play vidya, or watch movies.
I'm sure all of this will go out the window when we have our first kid in six months or so, but at the moment I'm feeling like my life is pretty balanced, all things considered.
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Enjoy this balance, in 6 months it will be gone immediately. (Also congrats)
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Thanks! :)
It never fails that once I finally start feeling like I've gotten control over my life, the universe finds a way to throw me a curve that starts me over at the beginning again.
I suppose that's what keeps life interesting and keeps me growing as a person.
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im not
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Cook enough food for the week in one go.
I work out for an hour at the gym where I work.
Wash up right before going to bed.
Vacuum the house once a week on Saturday morning.
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What the hell are you spending your time on?
Even my anxiety, ADHD, depressed ass manages to find time to socialize a bit. That's accounting for several hours a day of being stuck before acting.
Wait if I assume you are Americans, do you have limited work hours per day over there?
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Wait if I assume you are Americans, do you have limited work hours per day over there?
Yes and no. Depends wildly based on industry, job type, and income level. Generally we stick to a 40-hour a week at your place of work, unless you're a wage earner (which could be much more or less). That said, it doesn't always work that way.
The worst case is a suburban or rural lifestyle that is one hour (or more!) from the office, where logistics (e.g. groceries, auto maintenance, healthcare) and friends are almost as far away from home. That adds up to a ton of time in transit, with a handful of hours to yourself each working day for the rest, if you want to sleep a healthy amount. Then you add kids, daycare, after-school activities, and there's literally no free time left.
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You people can't do anything
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Are you just learning what executive dysfunction is?
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I'm on this subreddit after all
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Not who you replied to but I never knew that term. I haven't bothered to read up much on ADHD oddly (over the years) but once I realized I had it the medication helped immensely. Mean I did read a bit but that was like 15 years ago and all now.
Least this area helps me understand that much of my usual stuff may be from ADHD and all. Like sometimes I read stuff and go huh I didn't think that may be why. Mean probably not always but still it helps knowing similar people have those issues.
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I can post.
bet yeah, thats kind of it.
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The trick is to live in a big public space together with all your friends and share the labor, the rewards, and the love. Then reap genuine enjoyment and physical/emotional growth from the work you're doing while you support others doing the same.
The problem is when you forced to compartmentalize the tasks, with the expectation that "exercising" and "working" and "socializing" and "eating" and "cleaning" are all distinct activities you micromanage. Living together with people you enjoy spending time around goes a long, long way towards killing many birds with few stones. Then making and eating and cleaning up food isn't something you do distinct from hanging out and relaxing. Biking around gets you energized and sends you where you need to go. Many hands make light work of seemingly onerous tasks. Hell, sharing a shower with your partner(s) can be as intimate as it is efficient.
But all of this is predicated on a foundation - social roots you build up over years/decades. Every time you change schools or look for a new job on the other side of the country or having a falling out with family/friends or switch housing leases because the rent went up or chase a new zip code because the school your kid goes to sucks or watch a close friend or old neighbor do the same, it fucks everything back up to square one.
People who have this close-knit, long-term social circle and don't need to constantly uproot themselves can "do it all" easier than the folks who are told to endlessly hustle in search of that next nut.
Translation: people that aren't forced to live in isolated boxes and work in isolated boxes have better lives
Little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky tacky
https://youtu.be/XUwUp-D_VV0
Too bad the only way to achieve this currently is joining a fucking cult
Not a bad idea actually. "Join my cult, it's just a social club I swear 😅"
A fucking cult you say? 👉😏👈
Look into co-housing communities or eco-villages. There are ways to do this even within our overly bureaucratic system.
It doesn't help that I don't particularly like most people I meet and living with or close to anyone other than my own family has been hell everywhere I went.
The "exercise" part for most of the world just comes from the fact that every trip isn't just a walk to your mobile couch that takes you to another place with static couches.
I swear to god though. I'm not "weak" everywhere. The small muscles I use to move the mouse on my computer, shake my leg all day sitting because I don't want to sit, move my foot to drive, they are all MASSIVE for their size.
I'm so exhausted from trying to NOT move my body all day that I'm way too tired to do actual healthy exercise. Yoga, helps but it's just a means of keeping things from getting worse. If I could avoid all those awful things I'm sure yoga would improve things over time. But 90% of waking hours are forcing me to hurt my body.
For every 1 time I remember to squat instead of bend my back there are 100 times I'm too focused to get distracted for 30 minutes at how I need to do better.