The tragedy of himbo death

but also

Lots of people in here just acting like Men aren't ever insecure about their bodies.

Male, not insecure much to my knowledge; I think the split here is "I wouldn't just fuck you". As far as I understand the world attraction for women to men is much less based on "beauty standards" and more other factors.

Everytime I said to the women in my life "That guy's hot, isn't he?" on the basis of what I think would be an attractive man I get back "God, no". Think like, I don't know, Ryan Gosling or Alan Ritcherson or and then Jack Black comes up and their heart beats ouf of their chest, their eyes get comically large and they go "AWOOOOOOOOOOOOGA". I've since learned I have no idea what hetero women find hot and that people like Ryan Gosling or Alan Ritcherson are, going by looks, more like a male fantasy of how and what to look like.

So coming from the womens POV that sounds like a compliment, but to the guy it sounds like "I don't think you're physically that hot.", because he's Jack Black and not Ryan Gosling if that makes sense. I think the ire here is in large part that women are often complimented on their looks, rarely on their skills and it's vice versa for men, which is why he probably wants to hear he's Ryan Gosling and not Jack Black.

All very much generalized and such, but that's what I figured. Given her version of the story I think storming out is a bit much, though.

When did she say he wasn't attractive lmao? I am so confused at people drawing this conclusion

I am both male and insecure about my body, but if my partner said this to me I would take it to mean “I wouldn’t just fuck you once, I’d spend my life with you and fuck you many times”

Finally some common sense.

But it lifts people self steem

You have a brain injury? Your brain is injured? Ow.

I swear, reading reddit life adivice on social interactions, sex, dating from an early age dealt immeasurable harm on my brain.

This is the only comment in this thread I 100% agree with

But there's already like 50 comments, this thread is gonna be so much fun!

The way it could be interpreted as a comliment is that fwb or hookup is too shallow and she wouldn't be able to keep it at that level. But it is very badly worded if so. Just say "You're the kind of man I would like to marry" instead, adding in the fwb and hookup stuff before adds nothing to the compliment.

How? She literally says he's worth more than a fwb and that's insulting to you lmao?

I mean it's pretty much the cycle whenever men have legitimate issues about something in the cisgender heterosexual dynamic. (So glad I'm not a part of that). From my observations, it starts like this:

1- Someone asks men why they don't do X thing or why they think in a Y way. (In this case thinking that such a compliment is backhanded and insulting)

2- Men answer why. (Explaining why they view it this way)

3- Some women who don't like the answers, proceed to shame and try convincing the men into believing they're the ones wrong, or acknowledge that it's a legitimate issue but deflect the blame by saying "not all people do this".

4- Guys see no reason to do or think any different than before and their beliefs are often reinforced. (Gender polarisation increases between men and women).

5- Go back to number 1 and start over.

It's literally the same cycle over and over.

Yeah, it’s easy to feel like the answer is to toughen up when that’s historically been the answer to everything. I fully believe that deconstructing patriarchal masculinity happens through healing of the emotional wounds that patriarchy inflicts on us through understanding and kindness. I also believe that everyone deserves to have their feelings validated. I don’t know if this space is the ideal place for all of that to happen, but if people are trying to use it that way I’m happy to participate.

I want to clarify that I'm not like super offended by the comment itself. Even though it can be interpreted as rude, it clearly wasn't intended to be an insult, and I'm abso-fucking-lutely not interested in analyzing a relationship from a handful of sentences. It's moreso the idea that the guy is wrong for being upset by it.

No wait, the joke is that he understood her phrase as "I'm not really sexually attracted to you, but you feel good enough to settledown"

When she actually meant: "I don't obly want to fuck you but also grow old with you, etc"

Lots of people teying their writing eh

I don’t understand how that’s what what she said means

if only they got this engaged at something important like Five nights at Freddy's lore

It's very easy to read as "I don't find you super attractive but you seem like someone I could settle for once I'm done playing the field"

Her intent seems to be more "I don't think I could have hooked up with you and moved on because of how special you are to me" but she phrased it in an ambiguous way

I think every one earth wants to be considered hot, smart, and funny. If your partner says something that comes off as suggesting you are not one of those things, it can be hurtful.

It's a backhanded and insulting "compliment". It can easily be seen as if she's saying that she's settling down and he's not her first choice, or that she doesn't see him as physically attractive but wants to have a long term relationship with him because of the "security" he offers. Pretty much almost every man that's attracted to women in some way will see this as a backhanded compliment or negging. No one wants it to be implied or told that they're not sexy or fun.

Yeah other people are pointing out ways that it could sound backhanded, but unless she said it in a pissed off voice it seems innocent and much more thoughtful than the more usual compliments you might think of.

This was an insult because there's several causes:

1. Lady is a redditor telling her side, which means that she said it in the worst way possible and changed it a bit.
2. Lady thinks she ought to post what happened to online, and not just anywhere but reddit.com/r/offmychest because I dunno reasons.
3. Again this lady posted this to reddit and doesn't even really own up to it even though all her friends, who she probably told the actual story to, told her she fucked up.

No critical support for redditors, if this story wasn't made up for karma then what she actually said differs from what she wrote there.

i sort of 'get' hookups being lesser because of the presumed temporaryness but where's fwb catching the flak from? isn't it just like less formalized open sort of deal with the special provision of preexisting friendship?

I guess it only works as an intended compliment

wouldn't it be really funny if the op boyfriend was upset because they don't agree other kinds of relationship are lesser? still a baby for not listening tho lol

having the reverse experience being on the other side :yea:

I read it as "you're not sexy at all, but I could tolerate marrying you."

Literally this god damn how is it insulting to have someone say this to you, and where is the implication that she said it as an insult?