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The tragedy of himbo death
The tragedy of himbo death
103 comments
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Perhaps we should consider that both things can be true: she intended the compliment of “I am sexually AND emotionally to you to such a great degree that I want nothing less than marriage”; and his reaction was valid because he perceived the meaning as “I’m settling for you”.
We don’t know how this miscommunication happened. She could have phrased it poorly or said it in a weird tone. He could have misheard. He could have a ton of pre-existing conditioning and pressures that led him to place her comment in a social context that she doesn’t share.
Neither of them have to be in the wrong here. Both of them should do the work and try to understand each other better.
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please, no reddit relationship advice posting. my brain is already severely permanently damaged
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But it lifts people self steem
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I swear, reading reddit life adivice on social interactions, sex, dating from an early age dealt immeasurable harm on my brain.
This is the only comment in this thread I 100% agree with
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But there's already like 50 comments, this thread is gonna be so much fun!
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You'd have to be incredibly obtuse to see such a thing as a compliment. It sounds backhanded and almost like she's negging him. Like you'd have to consider men as emotionless robots with no deeper feelings or thought to see this as compliment. Oh wait, that's how society sees men! And you'd have to know nothing about male gender roles and expectations to not see how this could be insulting. Imagine wanting to spend the rest of life with someone (in this case a man), and knowing this little about their gender identity. And I say this as someone that's dated men. I don't know, maybe this is all incredibly obvious to me as a man or something, because I cannot see how that would be a compliment.
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The way it could be interpreted as a comliment is that fwb or hookup is too shallow and she wouldn't be able to keep it at that level. But it is very badly worded if so. Just say "You're the kind of man I would like to marry" instead, adding in the fwb and hookup stuff before adds nothing to the compliment.
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How? She literally says he's worth more than a fwb and that's insulting to you lmao?
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She literally says he wouldn't be a FWB to her, the implication being that she's not attracted to him in that way. If this guy came back and said "I listened to that Jimmy Soul song and I realized that you could really make me happy for the rest of my life so let's go for it" would the expectation be that she's cool with that?
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Can't really judge neither of them based on this text alone, not enough information, we don't know the tone of how she said it, their relationship in the 2.5 years and their lives before, we don't know these people's faces or names or even if they broke up yet or got over it, if it's an insult or a compliment depends on their life. He could've been insecure about his looks and was bullied because of it throughout his life, or he could be a manipulative person with crocodile tears, and maybe this is all an AI reddit bot posting something controversial for Karma, we can't really judge much.
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There's a little undercurrent here of "Toughen up, men" you obviously misinterpreted this and you're a little baby for being upset. Sorry, but that's the same toxic masculinity bullshit that everyone decries in the abstract.
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I mean it's pretty much the cycle whenever men have legitimate issues about something in the cisgender heterosexual dynamic. (So glad I'm not a part of that). From my observations, it starts like this:
1- Someone asks men why they don't do X thing or why they think in a Y way. (In this case thinking that such a compliment is backhanded and insulting)
2- Men answer why. (Explaining why they view it this way)
3- Some women who don't like the answers, proceed to shame and try convincing the men into believing they're the ones wrong, or acknowledge that it's a legitimate issue but deflect the blame by saying "not all people do this".
4- Guys see no reason to do or think any different than before and their beliefs are often reinforced. (Gender polarisation increases between men and women).
5- Go back to number 1 and start over.
It's literally the same cycle over and over.
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Yeah as a (mostly) het man this is a toxic dynamic I've encountered. I had one partner straight up say to me (paraphrasing a bit) "well I experience emotions more intensely than you so you have more a responsibility to be sensitive to me than I to you".
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I want to clarify that I'm not like super offended by the comment itself. Even though it can be interpreted as rude, it clearly wasn't intended to be an insult, and I'm abso-fucking-lutely not interested in analyzing a relationship from a handful of sentences. It's moreso the idea that the guy is wrong for being upset by it.
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If they've been together almost 3 years and this is his response to something as innocuous as "I take this relationship seriously" she dodged a bullet.
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No wait, the joke is that he understood her phrase as "I'm not really sexually attracted to you, but you feel good enough to settledown"
When she actually meant: "I don't obly want to fuck you but also grow old with you, etc"
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A lot of hetero men do not value the last part above the first part. The "chad" who bangs "chicks" every night on his bedframe less bed, is still seen as aspirational, unlike the "beta" house-husband manwife who cooks for his wife, while she shacks up with her personal trainer or something.
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Beyond not being able to truly judge a situation based on so little information, this is the single post of a throwaway account which then made no edits to the post or replies to any of the comments. Maybe it's just me, but I always assume these cases are someone trying their writing skills or something of the sort.
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Lots of people teying their writing eh
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I don't like heterosexuality.
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lamest struggle session yet
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Locking this thread.
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124 comments / 58 upvotes
Lmao
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if only they got this engaged at something important like Five nights at Freddy's lore
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Everyone here is siding with who they self inserted themselves into
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Het moment
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How is this not a huge compliment? Dating men is literally the worst cause they are like this.
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It's very easy to read as "I don't find you super attractive but you seem like someone I could settle for once I'm done playing the field"
Her intent seems to be more "I don't think I could have hooked up with you and moved on because of how special you are to me" but she phrased it in an ambiguous way
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I think every one earth wants to be considered hot, smart, and funny. If your partner says something that comes off as suggesting you are not one of those things, it can be hurtful.
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It's a backhanded and insulting "compliment". It can easily be seen as if she's saying that she's settling down and he's not her first choice, or that she doesn't see him as physically attractive but wants to have a long term relationship with him because of the "security" he offers. Pretty much almost every man that's attracted to women in some way will see this as a backhanded compliment or negging. No one wants it to be implied or told that they're not sexy or fun.
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Yeah other people are pointing out ways that it could sound backhanded, but unless she said it in a pissed off voice it seems innocent and much more thoughtful than the more usual compliments you might think of.
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weirdly gender affirming to be with the women on this one thinking "wtf that's an incredible compliment what are you talking about"
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having the reverse experience being on the other side :yea:
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Like, I can see where the other side is coming from even if I don't personally agree with it. If a woman told me that, that would probably be the single most flattering thing anyone's ever said to me
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Literally half the thread is "I can't really understand what she's saying but, goddamnit, I am passionate about what I think it could mean."
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"You're so sexy, I want to marry you."
"Okay, wow, first of all, how dare you?"
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I read it as "you're not sexy at all, but I could tolerate marrying you."
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It's wild because to me saying you want to marry someone is way more a compliment than just lusting after them. It might be because I'm older too and getting married was like the big thing in your life.
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Literally this god damn how is it insulting to have someone say this to you, and where is the implication that she said it as an insult?
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This is a conversation these two need to have with a therapist.
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Maybe it's cause I'm an enby with the tizzy but I don't see how someone wanting to be with you long term is an insult? When did she ever say he wasn't attractive lol?
103 comments