Eating shit is for alphas, am I rite guise

It's hard to tell these days. It's a miracle The Onion is still in business.

Having met a few nut jobs who are all about pseudoscience like homeopathy, crystal healing, and other forms of 'natural alternative medicines', this is exactly the type of shit I would expect them to say with a straight face.

Satire needs to be exaggerated to the point it is clear no one would actually say something so outlandish. This misses that mark.