How can I decide on who and how to love?

I think I loved about a dozen women relatively recently tho I haven’t even kissed them

Romantic love is always both ways. Crushes are normal and healthy, but no matter how strongly you feel, it ain't nothing like when they wanna kiss you back.

When I was young I had anxiety about getting betrayed or abandoned. Well, all that came to pass, but what I didn't know then was that I am perfectly capable of hurting people who care about me. These days, I regret the harm I did way more than what I suffered.