9mo ago

Mansplaining vs ND Over-clarifying

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As the goto "Tech Support person" in my friend group, this really strikes a nerve. I really hope I haven't come off as a know-it-all. Trying to explain any kind of broad subject feels like playing pinball with all the thoughts in my brain while trying not to let the conversation flow sink into the gutter.
- I think if your friends are coming to you and asking for help, then you're in the clear. Part of being a know-it-all/mansplaining, is that nobody asked and they decided they needed to bestow that information onto others.
  
  As an over-explainer I never got the mindset of being mad at more information. Regardless of whether I know something or not I would never get upset that someone shared knowledge with me. The more information the better. If I already knew, what's the big deal? If I didn't, great learned something new. If I disagree, I'll say why and try to understand their point of view and maybe end up with a better understanding based on their knowledge/perspective.
  Genuinely curious why it is so upsetting? Why would we not want to encourage knowledge sharing? Seems like the person thinks you are calling them dumb by telling them things, but how are you supposed to know what other people know? Personally I think it says more about the person getting mad than the person sharing information, but I know I'm in the minority for that.
- I get it from my father. He was one of the smartest people I've ever known, but if you asked him anything, you better have a lot of free time cause it is going back to first principles.
  I know his reasoning was that he wanted me to learn how to understand and find the answer, not just be given it, and now I'm guilty of the same thing.
  I don't do it at work, or at least I try not to, as they are paying me for the solution not a dissertation, but if friends or family ask for tech support, they are getting the whole explanation while I solve the problem.
  I guess another part of it is that like me, he really didn't have anyone to talk tech to other than his family, and really just enjoyed the time being able to share things he was knowledgeable about.

95 comments