1y ago

So, on pronouns.

I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

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166 comments

I don’t tell people my pronouns. I’m male. I look male. I act male.
I appreciate when people are questionable or want to use different pronouns tell.
I equally appreciate when people don’t ask mine.
- Can you explain what it means to look and act male? And why you don't like having people ask yours?
  
  In 6’2, 225 pounds with about 10% body fat. I look like a man. I act like a man. Nobody has confused me for anything but a man.
  It’s rude as it implies I don’t look or act like a man.
  It’s why women are drawn to me. As my gf says, I wanted you because you’re all man. My last gf said the same thing.
  
  How you look doesn't make you a man. You could literally have all those physical traits and be a woman or non-binary.
  Why is it rude to confirm how you self identify? Is it that horrible being trans or non-binary that people shouldn't even confirm that you're cis? How do you think trans people feel when someone assumes their gender based on how they look?
  
  I explained why troll and don’t use the term cis. It’s offensive. I don’t identify as cis.
  Shouldn’t you have asked if I identify as cis or did you just assume I used the term cis?
  See how quickly you just violated your own rules you tried to chastise me for?
  So go troll somewhere else with your fake concern.
  
  Ofc the whinging about cis comes out. You're cis by the literal definition of the word. Get over it loser.
  
  Thank you for validating that you are just a concern troll.
  Either people get to self-describe, or they do not. You really don't believe any of this, you just want to seem 'concerned'.
  
  I'm not concerned. I'm just calling you out for being a moron and a transphobe. Your time will come lib.
  
  I am neither, but you violated your own rules in your first reply. It just shows you're a concern troll. Why is it that so many people from Hexbear think people won't see their BS when it's so obvious? I am neither a moron nor a transphobe. I am consistent, which is something you are not. So you are only here to troll. I will be blocking you now as I can't be bothered with trolls.
  
  I explained why
  saying you're offended by people not assuming you are a man implies it's bad to be a different gender, or trans/nb. Idk why you are so scared of people confirming your gender. You are the biggest ❄ on the planet and i cannot wait until you melt.
  
  I don’t identify as cis.
  So you’re trans, then?
  
  I'm 6'3, 250lbs, 6% bf and non-binary. Also my xad could beat up your dad
  
  I'm sorry. You may be getting it all wrong because right now you just sound like and are acting like a big ol pussy.
  
  Gonna have to call out the misogyny of calling someone a "pussy".
  
  Thanks. You appear to have yourself confused with someone who matters.
- I can’t imagine asking someone, that feels so rude. I just use they/them for most people. I would worry that asking would set any transphobes off while also being a tiny kernel of “I don’t pass” to trans people.
  
  I hate guessing. Normally it’s obvious.
  If it’s questionable. Most will offer unless they’re looking for drama.
  I have a client who goes by they. I see I don’t do they. They asked me to use whatever I want they matches how they’re expressing. Perfect. They volunteered it when we met.
  I try to accommodate everyone. It’s just manners. I just can do they. I screw it up.

166 comments