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Humans, apparently, throw like gods
Humans, apparently, throw like gods
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111 comments
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We invented the flame thrower. I know George Carlin did the bit best but... Imagine explaining that to a group of aliens.
"You... you throw what now?"
"Flames, bro."
"For what purpose...?"
"Well, We had these people called Nazis and they liked to hide in concrete fortifications so we figured the best way to make them not be in there would be to fill it with fire."
"Does that not harm these 'nazis'?"
"Oh yeah, it harms them. That was like, a bonus."
"Well, It was nice meeting you. Goodbye forever."
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But wait! Let us tell you about the mustard gas!
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Or white phosphorus! Wait, wait... how about the inquisition? Or the rape of south america or the roman catholic church...
Damn, why does everybody leave?
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King Leopold and the Belgian Congo.
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"So we created these chemicals for wars..."
"Ah, killing the enemy efficiently!"
"Well, no."
"So they knock them out temporarily?"
"Haha, not exactly..."
"Then they're useless?"
"No. They just really mess them up. It goes into their body really easily and it's super carcinogenic, permanently fucks their DNA up, basically eats their skin, probably causes them to go blind, and will make them mentally fucked up. But it takes hours for them to notice the effect."
"...What the hell is wrong with you guys?"
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And remember, somebody thought that wasn't good enough. As evidence I present the existence of Sarin Gas
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... however, flamethrowers were fielded by the Germans first, and already in the previous World War.
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Uh, you ought to read about what the British did in that war. They hid a bunch of massive, buried pop-up flame throwers in no-man's land and used them to cook a bunch of Germans.
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"Laughs in greek fire" - Greek sailors in 1200s
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That's so metal.
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111 comments