To give perspective on the 48k monthly active users on Lemmy, and the 4.5k on kbin+mbin, Discuit has 6787 registered users

I completely agree.

Reddit is worse because of its size, resulting in problems with spam/low effort posts and comments.

This smaller size is a bit of a double-edged sword though. If I want to discuss cooking/chef knives with people, for example, there isn't a niche community specifically for that topic. Maybe in this way it's best for people to head outside of Lemmy to other forums for more specific interests, and Lemmy can be more tech/general discussion oriented.

I haven't quite figured that out yet.

if you took the world and seperated its humans by intelligence, the “idiot” group is going to be much bigger than the “PhD” group. Like…by a lot.

No.... you'd have a bell curve. But even that assumes you have a single good measure of intelligence.

I kind of agree with the rest of your post, but I would have worded it a bit differently, emphasizing that people who found it difficult to start using Lemmy might still be worth having around. Also, I don't think "as large as Reddit" or "small niche unknown" are our only options.

People trend towards your expectations. You'll still have a bell curve, it's just a matter of where it's centered.

I would rather, instead of dividing between have vs. lack smartyness, focus on have vs. lack kindness, consideration, empathy, etc. Remember Reddit? (A half-joke bc although you just came from there more recently, some of us haven't been for a year or more and are legit starting to forget, almost blissfully!:-)

I don't mind talking to people all along the intelligence scale, but I do mind talking with people who engage in trolling behaviors. I will hang out with the humble uneducated plebes but I refuse to with their opposites. I am not phrasing it well but somewhere in here it gets complicated bc those scales overlap, as often the least intelligent behave as if they were somehow entitled to be treated as the most - e.g. Dr. Fauci gave the entire world a vaccine, but it was people who flunked or never took biology in the first place who are trying to block access to not only it but to simple masks. One side works to earn respect, the other does not yet not only demands equal treatment but somehow more than equal, and sometimes at the point of a literal gun. One side actually reads the Constitution of the United States, while the other side does not yet attempts to overthrow it regardless, bc they apparently know "better" how the country should be run than those who founded it.

So while I think that fascists should have a place they can talk - that's just humane - I also do not want to be in that place. Their rights end where mine begin. So if (like I/we did to Reddit) that means that they win and therefore I have to leave, so be it - I will leave social media entirely if need be, before I compromise and enjoy watching people "dunk on" others. If it is X or bust, then I choose bust.

Or the less hostile but just as damaging form of this where people treat social media as a place for emotional venting rather than real conversations with real people. Those two are related bc just bc you can get away with doing something, bc you have that power/ability, does not mean that you should do it. e.g. one or maybe three comments like "^This" or "I also choose this guy's wife" or "And my bow" etc. is fine but a hundred of them!? in a row, or even like twenty, is just too much. They speak, and therefore people cannot even listen anymore bc of the crowded noise from everyone else speaking.

Who sees the last ten posts to a community being "which android phone is the best these days" (no other details provided) and decides to add an eleventh to the group? Answer: people who are lonely and need someone to talk to, but don't care about the rules of politeness, and are so self-centered that they want another post devoted entirely to themselves. Never mind the fact that there being so many of those drives people away who would have actually answered their question. They not only whisper but SHOUT into the void, and if the only way for me to have peace is to mute them, or not go to where people do that, then so be it. Their right to post such runs up against my right to not have to listen to it.

And maybe, for some anyway, their lack of etiquette is merely bc they are young? But whoever they are, their presence foretells the absence of the people that they will drive away. So you cannot simply increase tolerance infinitely in order to grow the size of the Fediverse, bc that works in opposition to people who refuse to tolerate the intolerant and inconsiderate. We cannot have it all there - one or the other is the best that could be achieved even in purely theoretical terms, much less making it happen irl.