7mo ago

"How am I supposed to explain this to my children?!"

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I have the greatest friend whom I ADORE who is a gay guy whose family is religious. I asked him how he got along with his mom, and he said he loves her very much and they have great laughs together, but she also tells him that gay people are going to hell on a routine basis. He and I agreed that I would be his adopted mom going forward and that he didn't need to ever feel like she was right for one moment.
Imagine saying something like this to your own kid. Imagine letting your religion be more important than your relationship with your kid. Whatever you might feel about your faith, you should have the brains God gave you that tell you you can't change anybody and that you should love them as is, and keep your damn delusions to yourself at very least. Why would you ruin your relationship with your beloved child over them loving someone?
I grew up with a gay sibling in totally the opposite environment yet in the end just as toxic; we were raised to be extremely progressive, accept LGBT people as is and love them (and I am 50 so the fact we even discussed trans people back then is nothing short of miraculous because it was so taboo), and despite being Catholic we were also super pro choice. Yet my mother literally became psychotic because of my brother being gay, despite family members kindly and gently telling her all along to accept it, when it came to HER child it was unacceptable because she thought it reflected badly on her, and she was so obsessed with us being perfect that she did everything she could to force him to conceal it, including making him bring a beard to my wedding. Finally he grew a bit of a spine and got into a relationship with a guy, and despite her histrionics has continued. Now she's obsessed with trying to make them get married, because she wants her friends to give them gifts to pay her back for all the wedding gifts she has given.
Not to trauma dump, but just wanted to point out that it can be difficult even for supposedly accepting families to really honestly support their LGBT children.
Anyway, do your part for LGBT folks. I myself just joined Stand In Pride, which is an organization where allies befriend LGBT people whose family has rejected them, and are available to be chosen family for weddings or whatever. Go to Pride, give out free mom hugs, step in as chosen family for them, whatever you can do. This world is really terrible to gay people no matter what progress we've made.
- If, according to their own rules, that god created everything, it created LGTB+ people too. Are they saying their perfect imaginary being made a mistake? And if "it's the devil's work", is it so weak that it can't prevent it?
  
  It's so stupid. A local church which was kind of a hip young church recently announced they were not LGBT affirming and were really nasty about it,, and like two thirds of their congregation left as a result. Even modern Christians don't approve of this anymore.
  
  Ehhh, that greatly depends on the church. There are still a lot of churches out there that are totally on board with hating anyone who isn't perfectly straight. You know, that kind of hate that Jesus preached about all the time! People wouldn't have as many issues with Christians if they actually followed Jesus's teachings, but here we are.
  
  Well some of them definitely aren't. My friend I mentioned and I go to a very affirming church and he is beloved as well as our other gay and trans congregation. Nobody would dream of being anything else.
  
  Are they saying their perfect imaginary being made a mistake? And if “it’s the devil’s work”, is it so weak that it can’t prevent it?
  The usual answer to this is that God gave man free will, and he can use that free will to act against God (or else the garden of Eden myth would be impossible) and if you choose to be gay, that's on you. That being LGBTQ+ is a choice is pretty fundamental to it, and also why they tend to believe in things like conversion therapy - if it's a choice, you can be taught to choose differently.
  
  things like conversion therapy - if it’s a choice, you can be taught to choose differently.
  Oh, fuck!
  I mixed that term up with "gender-affirming care".
  That explains the negativity around "conversion therapy" xD
  
  "When did you choose to be heterosexual? And can you be gay for a week?" 🤷‍♂️
  
  Also, according to their rules, "love one another" is the single most important one. "Don't be gay" is in an ancient book that also includes "woman in their period must sleep in a separate tent", but we don't see them applying that one, do we?
  So going by what's actually in the bible, hating gays is a bigger sin than being gay. Who's going to hell now?
- Your mom sounds like something the experts refer to as a "Cunt"
  i wonder how much of the pro-LGBT stuff was just badges she could pin on her chest for clout, instead of actual belief.
  
  She has BPD so yes. And no I think she genuinely believes it, I really do, just not for her child. She's not one to fake that to her small credit
- I noticed something similar with my in-laws, as far as ruining your family relationship by not accepting people. The grandma goes on rants to her daughter about anti-trans and the pronoun (they/them). She has so much energy for this hate she preaches to her daughters (she has 2) all the time they talk. Always grabbing those talking points.
  One daughter has 4 kids and they are all under 18. Some of them experimented with gender fluid stuff. I'm not well versed enough to explain. I know one goes by they/them and the grandmother won't make an effort, or when she messes up the gender she makes a big scene of "I'm old, it wasn't like this. Blah blah."
  The really weird thing is after all this hate and after the grandma started putting up walls to her grandchildren (because of the hate she preaches about their siblings). Now she complains that no one wants to talk to her or hang out with her when she visits. Does she not know she was talking about her family during those rants?
  She got hooked on some alt right news bs. Started saying she was a tradwife, making butter, and looking for raw milk. Idk what happened, especially since I saw her when she was "strong woman" and gay friendly when she was raising her kids.
  
  That's so sad. Facebook and the like are the devil for creating those echo chambers.
  Imagine hurting someone for living their life. How do they lives with themselves?
  
  It's weird watching people drop down those rabbit holes in real time.
  Like they have to be all in on the crazy in order to be accepted by a new group that doesn't even care if they exist.
  "Oh, this site said something I agreed with about Covid, maybe white people really are genetically superior..."
  Before you know it, they're posting Facebook articles from sites only one step removed from Stormfront.
- I don't know the Lemmy equivalent, but /r/raisedbynarcissists...
  
  BPD actually. They're just as difficult.

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