10mo ago

Why are people so antsy to see others in person?

I WFH, every year one of the goals that the rest of the team decides is that it's "so great" to see each other in person. The past few years haven't worked out but one did. I spent hours in a couple of airports, the huge expense for the company, I spent days away from my family, and for what? So you could look me in my same face you would see if we turned cameras on every once in a while? My husband says I'm being weird, but I legitimately want to know, what is the benefit? I hate being there and have to play nice so you can.....look me even closer in the face?

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look me in my same face you would see if we turned cameras on every once in a while?
Not the same as interpersonal interaction, misses much of the communication we evolved to express and understand.
OTOH, I've had a few Zoom-only relationships where we're pretty tight, but that's rare.
LOL, one of those is my Zoom rep. We email occasionally, trade pics and jokes. Every few months we Zoom and shoot the bullshit about our lives. She gets me the skinny on upcoming stuff, where my account's at, what I might need or not need. Because we're tight like that, she jumps when I need a thing, and in turn, I read all her correspondence carefully.
Another is a coworker, nearly my best friend at the company. When we finally met in person at a team meeting, we were tight. Boss was like, "Had you guys met before today?!"
Again, pretty rare relationships. Know who I'm really close to? The guy who lives here who I used to work in the office with. Man came to my wedding. None of those remote people did. When he needs my help, I jump.
And if anyone wants to poo-poo interpersonal work relationships, I will ask that person what they think of long-distance relationships. The conventional wisdom is that they don't work out. (Yes, I know those are different. But how different and why? Think on that.)
Great post and question! Much food for thought as we navigate this new world.
Anyway, I had some thoughts earlier tonight, both pro and con.
https://old.lemmy.world/comment/8056815
- I'm sure you have friends outside of work right?
  That's the part I never understand about people who connect working in office and with the fun of seeing others is person.
  Why are you so willing to put up with commuting, office quality furniture, public restroom facilities, sick people who realllllly should have leverage optional work from home days or just regular old sick time... When you could just have more time for friends outside of the workplace.
  I see my friends on weekends or they come over and we have game nights spending quality time with each other rather than infrequent unplanned interactions when we both should be doing something else.
  My personal life friends are the people I "jump" for. Not coworkers. Having to "jump" for a coworker is and should be an inconvenience in the workplace because it means a failure of planning occurred somewhere. You can still have friendly camaraderie in the face of inconvenient circumstances but I don't think you need to have some deep relationship to help out a colleague. That comes with the job to some extent.
  When I've become friends with people from work, I invite them into my entirely separate personal life and in fact that is the case for one of my closest friends.
  I just feel like If you wanna hang out with people from the office invite them to something outside of the office. The whole captive audience thing is such a demoralizing foundation to start a friendship with.
  
  Honestly, our office has quality furniture and nice restrooms which are frequently cleaned and restocked throughout the day.
  
  It seems like the difference in this thread is people that like their work vs people that hate it. It seems like the latter is in the majority.
  
  I like my work but I see my coworkers similar to the people I see on public transportation. Limited, friendly interaction when needed. Never consider your work colleagues as more than that. It's creepy.
  
  Yep, I really enjoy my job too and I even work with some really good people but I keep my personal life... personal. It's not like I hide my personality and life from my colleagues but I've got enough friends that I don't feel like I need to add any more to my inner circle.
  
  Depends on where you work. My colleagues are brilliant, I've made lifelong friends at my work place but then it's quite a radical work environment so attracts interesting people. I'd be gutted if I couldn't see them every week.
  
  A "radical" work environment? What do you work for, the Red Army?
  
  Not far off, it's a worker co-op 😆
  
  It’s not as cool as you might think it is. You’re still operating in capitalism
  
  Yeah we all are mate, neither of us have much choice in that 😆 Doesn't mean it doesn't attract wonderful people.
  
  Not important
  
  So why not hang out with them outside of the workplace?
  
  Obviously I do, some of them are close friends now. But being around 100 people I really like for 27 hours a week is really good for me. During the pandemic I only went into the physical office once a week and it made me realise how much I appreciate that kind of socialisation.
  
  Or people may like the technical side of their work but hate everything else.
  I've seen people in technical roles that love to do technical design work, but they are middling at it because they don't cross-learn from others nor do they choose to do the bare minimum in coordination before turning in a submission.
  And we have written in the job description that the role includes cross-discipline coordination and direction of less knowledgeable staff, so it isn't like it isn't part of their job like they claim.
  
  I don't mean to say that the place can't be nice but I would hope your home is of greater comfort than your workplace in most cases.
  
  All of my adult friends I met at work. We all live hundred of km away from each other but go to our respective office 2 days a week. And on those days, we have lunch and drinks, they are my children godparents and we talk everyday. As a grown up if you move long distance, it is a lot harder to make friends and keep up with the older ones. You may not have a lot of time because of children especially is they are on the younger side. So your pool to get local mates becomes the school parents and work. It’s a lot easier to determine who you’d like to hang out with with people you spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week that the other mums you only see a few times a week as you all rush off your bicycle to drop you kid at school and have a very superficial relationship with.
  
  Obviously some different life circumstances influence your options of making new friends as an adult. I can certainly understand your perspective there but perhaps it's hard for me to relate since my significant other and I have no children nor do our friend and none of us desire to ever have them either.
  I'm sure they consume a great deal of time and energy that probably drives a person to crave social experiences away from them. If work is the only place they can get away from them I can understand that too but hobbies can still be an option.
  World feels overcrowded as it is. Getting a shit deal because so many others choose to have kids and then want to force people to spend time trapped in a box with them... It's like a whole population of people having their cake and eating it too... Or whatever expression fits best here for an unfair, double-dipping advantage...
  And actually now that I think of it, two of our friend group did have kids and we all drifted apart because they were no longer able to commit time and weekends like we did to each other.
  They used to often say "we should all hang out again!" and such but then either we're never available or had to leave early or host events at their place which required interacting with their kids and I gotta say toddlers are not skillful conversationalists.
  I don't have a solution for people with kids trying to find friends at work. I can understand why it might seem appealing to them but speaking from the other side, it feels like a burden I shouldn't have to carry.
  
  All of my adult friends I met at work.
  That's crazy.
  
  That's not crazy. That's life. Just shows how immature you are.
  
  Or does it…?
- I've worked retail, office jobs, call center jobs and warehouse jobs. I made an office 'friend' in two of those jobs. One who id grab drinks with outside of work and another who id chat to via text occasionally. But as our jobs changed and lives moved on. So did we.
  I don't feel the need to be forced into social situations, people are tiring and there's better things I could spend my time on that being shoved into a room with co-works who I have no interest in talking to and have no interest in talking to me.
  Both my best friends are long distance friends. I've known one for 13 years, we've met up once. And one for 9 years who I've never met in person. And they're the best friends I've ever had. If they have issues, I'm right there via text or call to help. Same if I have issues. We send eachother gifts for birthdays/ Christmas, or just because. The 9 year friend and I do a book trade and recommend eachother things we think the other would like (not just book recommendations).
  My partner and I have been together for almost 2 years now, we live in different countries. And it's honestly the best relationship I've ever had. Not because of the distance, we visit eachother multiple times a year. But the distance also isn't an issue.
  So long distance friendships/ relationships can work.
  Just because some people need that face to face interaction, doesn't mean everyone else does. Especially when it's forced by a workplace. If it was to meet up with a friend, I'm sure it would be more welcomed. But being made to meet up with co-workers who aren't friends/ close with, that sounds miserable. Being made to do something you don't want to do/ aren't interested in is never fun. Ever try get a teenager to clean their room? Often not very high on their list because it's something they don't want to do. The same can be said for social events with co-workers for a lot of people.

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