So proud!

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As a man with adhd, I do this all the time to men and to women, and I've been accused of mansplaining. I'm working on it, but I promise it has nothing to do with sexism. I just think everybody needs to know all the details so rhey can reach the same conclusions as me.
And for what it's worth, I really appreciate when someone does the same for me on a topic I don't know about. But I understand how frustrating it is when someone does it on a subject I do know about, so I always try to gauge knowledge before info dumping. What catches me off guard is when someone isn't interested in learning. They don't know everything, and they are just OK with walking through life, knowing they don't know something.
Point is, I really do appreciate the grace presented in the post. I don't mind if you're being condescending if you forgive me for oversharing.
- This isn't a you problem. You haven't been mansplaining. This is gender war shenanigans and people being sexist towards men in the name of feminism. Gender in western society is honestly cooked at this point.
  
  Eh, it's a me problem of oversharing, and I can appreciate that my perspective isn't a universal perspective. How I'm perceived is as much my concern as my intention. I can't control what other people feel, but I can appreciate their perspective and respect their feelings without taking it personally.
  If someone feels like I'm mansplaining, I want to know about it and try not to do that again. That's not an indictment of gender relations in modern society, that's just courtesy.
  
  Quit being reasonable! Gender is cooked! Withdraw from society! It hates men!
  
  That wasn't my point at all. A lot you are good at jumping to conclusions based on not a lot of information instead of asking clarifying questions.
  I am saying gender roles are cooked for both men and women because they say a lot of shit that doesn't make sense. Like the idea that men are always more logical and women are always better parents. Even the thing about colours and skirts don't make sense. If anything skirts are better for male anatomy than trousers are. Gender norms and heteronormativity make no sense. They as concepts are cooked. It's lead to lots of dumb laws and injustice on all sides.
  
  If you had just said gender norms are cooked, I would have responded differently. You narrowed this to gender in western society is cooked. There is no other society where there aren't bullshit gender roles, and when gender is brought up in a west vs non-west context it is almost always done by people who conclude that gender is bad in the west, but not in other places where more "traditional" ideals about gender are still more highly enforced, like asia, russia, eastern europe, africa, etc.
  
  Sure there are many other societies where gender is also thoroughly and completely cooked to higher levels than it is in say UK, USA, or so on such as Saudi Arabia but it's a very broad generalisation to say it's cooked everywhere. There have been and are matriarchal societies even that have very different norms than we do. Not all societies are heteronormative either. I don't know all the societies in the world. I am pushing it to even say all western societies are cooked.
  
  I guess my point is, the idea of roles based on gender, in and of its self, is BS
  
  Hmm. I think there are some things where they are necessary for biological reasons. Like males having increased upper body strength, or females dealing with birth, period pains, etc where some things can only be done by one physical sex or one needs more understanding of certain things. Other than that though your pretty much spot on. Plus sex and gender aren't exactly the same thing anyway as I am sure someone will point out.
  
  I mean those are on a person by person basis as well. I know women who are physically stronger than most of the men I know, and would be more fit for harder labor than most of them. Women who don't have the ability to have children, or periods, etc. It is best we assess things based on individual capacity, or merit, or whatever, rather than write rules that are completely exclusive to an entire group of people based on broad statistics.
  
  No biological male can have periods or bear children. I think that's fairly straight forward. Strength is a spectrum though I agree.
  
  Maaaan. Why'd you have to go and do that? I was nodding my head at your words until you clarified it's the woman folks fault.
  You immediately made yourself a part of the gender war shenanigans with everything you said right after.
  Men do shitty things. Women do shitty things. That's it. There are always exceptions to the rule, there are always stereotypes that too many don't fall into. The bad apple stick out because they upset you and the memory sticks. We all come across asshole every day.
  I want to give you a hug honestly. And that's not being sarcastic or condescending. I just got off work and as much as I want to say what I want to say to this type of talk, I don't. It does no good.
  Having a good talk, sharing a drink or a smoke together and hugging/fist bumping/offering my jukebox credits is way better than man hating just because I deal with assholes all day. So I'm offering my last hug of the day to you because I'm sure you don't truly believe the woman here was speaking against you specifically or even every man she's ever encountered.
  Men aren't the devil incarnate. Neither are women, though.
  
  What made you think I blame women?
  
  That's not what I am saying. Gender roles in general are cooked and it hurts both sides. I never said this is the fault of women. It's not on them that they couldn't open a bank account for decades for example, or all the sexist things men have done over the centuries. You've taken one thing I said and twisted it to a completely different conclusion.
  It's things like men like blue and women like pink, or women wearing skirts but not men. None of these things are actually biological, just like the idea men and women do different jobs. We are cooked because we have invented daft roles for genders in the first place. Don't get me started on things like the idea women are better parents or that men are inherently violent. The idea that men are inherently better at certain jobs and tasks as well, especially ones that have nothing to do with physical strength.
- I will happily let someone go on about something that excites them because I get it. I feel like there are at least two different points being made here and each camp will not listen to the other.
  I will hide out in my studio sometimes to get peace from my boyfriend. It's not that I don't love him. I adore him!! He's treated me better than any other man I've been with.
  But we don't have conversations. It's a long standing issue with us that we are always working on. I listen to his monologues. Even if he has good intentions and asks about my day, most times I can't get even halfway through something I need to share off my chest before it distracts him and I'm listening to him for 3 hours. Sometimes he'll even ask, "you know what I mean?" "You get where I'm coming from?" And I'll take a breathe to speak aaaaand shut my mouth on it because he doesn't wait for a response.
  It can be overwhelming but we talk about it respectfully in the end. I lie, sometimes I get overwhelmed and exasperated. Then he will knock or text me to talk things out. Sometimes he gets upset when I need alone time and then I go to him and we talk. We ultimately apologize to each other. He's an amazing man and he calls me his goddess. We put up with each other's bullshit because we are both imperfect and still come back together in the end and absolutely adore each other.
  The difference in this particular post though, is my spouse wouldn't respond the way this dude did. Then again, I don't hinge my entire opinion on what woman on the internet says and what another man responds to it with. The warp and weft of gender, sexism, and neurodivergence, cannot be wrapped into one neat package of absolutes.
  Everyone has their opinions but they can also all be at least a little right.
- If the reason you are giving information to a woman is not that you are assuming their ignorance based on the fact that they're a woman, you're not mansplaining. Period.
  The sexist assumption is a core 'component' of the phenomenon.
  Also, said assumption can be sex-related, but also all sorts of other things. That's why I've adopted the term "splaining" as an umbrella term for it. "Mansplaining" unfairly creates the misandric perception that only men do it, and that the only motivating assumption is 'because she's female'. Both are inaccurate. I myself have experienced this based on several different assumptions throughout my life, based on my sex, age, even where I live.
  Is it 'splaining' to assume you know more than someone else on subject X because they're younger? Yes. Because they're white? Yes. Because they just started in an industry you've been working in for 10 years? No.
  And so on.
  I really hope this term catches on at some point, lol.
  P.S. Also, an assumption as described above is literally mandatory for it to count. If I'm explaining something to you after you've overtly demonstrated your ignorance on that subject, or I'm correcting a demonstrably false statement, that's not any kind of 'splaining', regardless of what either person's sex/race/age/etc. is.

664 comments