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150 comments
I got yelled at by some angry little man today. I went to sainsburys in the car with my landlady. I usually get a cooked chicken and then portion it up to last for a few days. Today I was there at 11am, when they come out of the oven, to get a fresh one and they were all cooked and ready to come out of the oven but there were no staff members around. I waited for about 10 minutes and no-one came. So I stepped in to where the staff members are supposed to be, literally just at the edge of the counter, and looked in, to see if there were any staff members behind the oven. There was no-one there so I left and went to a different part of the shop to get something else. While I was looking at the food on the shelf a very hostile young male staff member came over to me and started really aggressively scolding me in front of everyone. He said he'd seen me step behind the counter, and I shouldn't be back there. I apologised but it wasn't good enough. He ranted and raved about it and I said I wouldn't go back there again, but he kept on and on. He finished by rudely saying, "I don't want to have to tell you this again," and as he walked off he was still angrily talking about it. He was so vicious about it, and I've been the victim of random male violence before, and it's just the icing on the cake with everything thats going on already, so I know it probably sounds pathetic but it really scared and upset me. Like sorry I stepped into the staff area for literally one second but there was no-one around to ask, seems inappropriate to take whatever frustrations he's having in life out on a random customer. Couldn't he just quietly and politely say "I saw you go behind the counter, please don't go back there?" So yeah I got screeched at in front of a shop full of people on top of everything else and now I'm even more stressed.
And my left side is really flaring up again, not just the tendon but the knee, foot, everything. My landlady is going away for xmas and while it will be nice to have the house to myself I'm in no fit state to walk more than a short distance again and I'll have no-one to drive me anywhere if I need to go somewhere. I managed to get a sainsburys delivery slot for xmas eve but that's obviously more expensive than if I was able to use my free bus pass to go myself. But I don't have a chance in hell of lugging shopping home half a mile from the bus stop. Having to order for delivery because you're too crippled to carry shopping home is one of the many ways it's more expensive to be disabled. There have been times where my left side has flared up so badly I've been completely unable to walk and sainsburys has mobility scooters you can use to get around the shop if you're disabled. It's embarrassing but I have used them before. One time my achilles tendon flared up so badly I was put in a plaster cast on crutches for 10 days and I had to do my shopping in the mobility scooter during that time. But they're only for use in the shop, you can't drive yourself home in it so even if my mobility issues get bad enough to need the scooter again it won't help me with getting to and from the shop. This lack of independence is so hard, always needing someone to drive me around, or deliver, and relying on the generosity of donations to even buy food in the first place. Even the simplest things in life become overwhelmingly difficult and expensive when you're disabled. I hate being disabled, I wish I was able bodied again.
That guy was unnecessarily rude, sorry you had to deal with that. I wish it weren't so difficult to exist
Thank you.
It makes me anxious about going back in there.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! It's perfectly reasonable to be afraid after that, I know I would be pretty freaked out and in shock if some asshole did that to me.
And I feel you about losing independence. I'm slowly losing the ability to drive my motor wheelchair so I mostly stay indoors and some days the sensation of feeling trapped gets so severe that I just sit there thinking of all the things I wish I could do but really can't easily.
Anyways I hope there is some music or movie you could put on that can help you clear your mind and take your mind off your pain for a bit. Take care comrade!
It makes me not want to go back in that supermarket but I need to because it's the only really close, disabled-accessible one. I'm worried about seeing him again.
Sorry that you're trapped indoors too. I know what you mean about the trapped sensation getting so severe, earlier this year I was virtually housebound for months and that was bad enough, I felt I was actually in prison and it really affected my mental health. I'm worried I'll go back to that soon as my mobility issues are worsening again.
As music goes, I can always objectively judge how good or bad my mood is by what music I want to listen to. When my mood is better I prefer trance or new retro wave. When it's bad I go towards metal, and the worse the mood the harder and more aggressive the metal. Right now I'm back on the aggressive metal. And it sucks having to listen to it low-quality on youtube as I had to sell the majority of my CDs due to poverty.
Sorry for the late reply I got hyper focused on a computer project and have been working on it nonstop for 4 days.
Damn it sucks you now feel unsafe going to the only accessible store near you. There are so few places we can go to that losing one is kinda devastating. Trust me I haven't been in a Mexican store in years! I used to be able to go to one right in front of my apartments to get decent tacos and junk food but I haven't found another store as spacious as that one since.
Thanks for your condolences. It feels less isolating knowing that others are going through similar things. I hope those NHS assholes can finally start helping you with your pain and mobility problems. I can't wait for Medicaid to start with their austerity bullshit lol
Oh funny I'm the same when it comes to my mood and what music I'm feeling like. A couple weeks ago I was doing pretty good and was on a Blues and zydeco binge but lately I'm back to punk and sad indie rock. The bright side is that I found some cool new artist like MUDRAT!
Fuck, you actually had to sell your collection? Do you still have your sound setup at least? How long were you collecting for?
Take care and please don't stop posting on here. I actually read most of your post whenever I login even if I don't leave a comment.
Sorry to hear you can't get Mexican food any more.
I have a few CDs left, not many. I've got a CD walkman, but I sold about 90% of my CDs, and my stereo. I would love to build it back up, the sound quality just isn't good listening on youtube and I always have to be mindful of the volume. I'd like to put headphones in and just rock out full volume but then I'm limited as to choice having so few CDs left.
I've never heard of zydeco before, I'll give it a listen.
Thanks, I always have a lot more I want to say on here but I'm just struggling to find the energy and cognitive effort to say as much as I want to.
Oh no don't worry I still get plenty of Mexican food that my family orders for takeaway, just not fresh at the shop. Takeaway is the UK term for takeout right? Besides I would literally die if I didn't eat any of my mom’s cooking lol
A CD walkman! That's actually really cool. But you're right physical media just has no competition when it comes to quality. I actually wait for the Blu-ray to release and don't bother with streaming if a movie looks really interesting. My brother thinks it's and just wants to watch the movie lol
Zydeco is very interesting. It's a really cool blend of cultures. I don't understand what they're singing about most of the time but it's great and so lively. It's very accordion heavy but I've been listening to Mexicans tear it up with an accordion all my life so I got a built in affinity already. Let me know what you think.
I know what you mean about not having the mental energy sometimes. I usually go weeks without texting my friend and just throw myself into my projects or zone out to movies or TV.
Yeah I have a CD walkman from the early 00s which sounds quite good. I also have a more recent one which doesn't sound good, although they still make them the quality is poor now. If my 00s one every gets damaged I'll be stuck with the crappy recent one. I think CDs and blu rays/DVDs are important because they can't be taken away whereas digital media can just vanish if they decide to wipe it.
My mental energy is almost non existent. I struggle even to write posts here. I have a lot of books I want to read but can't summon up the energy to do it.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
He finished by rudely saying, "I don't want to have to tell you this again," and as he walked off he was still angrily talking about it
one thing helps me when people say something mean is imagining they used a specific phrase because it hurt them once. someone said that to him ages ago, he worked it into his rant not because it fit the situation but because he's still pissed at the phrase that hurt him way back then
He did seem generally angry and bad tempered, and what an odd thing to get so angry at a stranger about. I guess he has issues of his own.
I don't have mobility issues like you do, so I have no idea how taxing this is for you. I wish the flare ups you have would go away with a good night's sleep, and that your thyroid wouldn't need all the medication, and that you could just walk to the beach and enjoy the weather. I'm watching the sunset out a window right now, painridden as I am myself, and I empathize so much with this struggle of yours. I wish there was a magical way to make all your pain go away and get you out hiking, walking, shopping on your own with not a care in the world. You deserve so much better
Thanks.
Unfortunately the flare-ups are getting worse each time, and it's affecting more and more of my leg especially. For the past few days the knee has been awful and is now even worse than the achilles. I don't even know why since I can't see the physio until Jan 12th. It's like I'm just deteriorating more and more all the time. I guess it's a vicious circle - the weakness in my left side makes me get injured when I do something. That weakens the tendons and ligaments even more. It makes me less able to exercise so they get even weaker and the next time I do anything they get even more damaged. I can't walk at all now unless I rub a load of ibuprofen gel on my knee and achilles and take paracetamol tablets.
Sorry that you're still in pain too. Sometimes I hope this is just a virtual reality world and we chose to come here to experience pain and disability so that when we take our headsets off and enter the real world again we'll appreciate being pain free and able bodied more than ever.