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the_itsb [she/her, comrade/them] @hexbear.net

I desperately need your distraction

What're you into, what're you looking forward to, what're you happy about?

Please

I am feeling terribly self-harmy in advance of my birthday next week

I got to the point of making a pros and cons chart

give me something to be vicariously happy about or something to look forward to, please

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134 comments

  • My partner made extremely yummy food! I failed to beat Malenia again today, so that's 2 days of trying, but I'll get there. I made it to phase 2 today, so it's only a matter of time!

    In general, I am extremely fortunate to have made it to a point where I truly don't feel like my life is missing anything, and can reliably keep a roof over my head with some savings. I know this is more than many people can say for themselves, but I allow myself to be happy about my own position, as I'm ultimately just another worker.

    I wish I could reach out and help you, but in absence of that I want to say I am here to lend an ear if you need help. It does get better. I used to think about harming myself daily, even hourly, but I can say that over time those feelings have become far less frequent. It still happens every once in a while, or I'll get extremely anxious, but forward progress keeps me hopeful.

    I hope you have a happy birthday!

    • thank you very much ❤️

      How did you get to the point of feeling like you're making progress?

      also, what's Malenia?

      • No problem!

        It took a lot of time, and a lot of change. A few years ago I had a really bad job, no friends, and no family nearby to speak of. I had moved far away for a job for a fresh start, with no safety net. Conditions were unsafe, working hours were long with no overtime, and higher-ups were abusive. I had no safety net, so I stuck with it for a while to escape it.

        Eventually, I met my partner while working there, a true sweetheart. I found a new job, we moved to a new city, got another fresh start, but this time I had a better career and a safety net. Things got better, got back to cooking and reading, and really was able to feel content.

        Basically, a whole lot of luck, and the willingness and ability to get out.

        One thing I want to stress is that there were several times where I felt hopeless and with no way out, but time passing really does change everything.

        As for Malenia, she is a boss in Elden Ring, haha. I've had a bit of extra time lately and wanted to finally play it. Beat her last night, finally!

134 comments