Good Morning! I hope you are having a wonderful day!

Okay enough with the pleasantries, venting time. I'm so pissed at my wife right now. She's manic so I shouldn't be, it's not really her fault but here we are.

Anywho, my buddy moved in last night. He's been trying to get out of Florida for a while and I'm giving him a place to stay till he gets back on his feet. So we are all talking, she's manic so she's dominating the conversation which is fine. But then she decided to ask me, in front of my friend who doesn't know I'm trans by the way, if I wanted to paint our nails this weekend. I brushed it off but like we talked about this. I told you I'm not comfortable talking to him about it yet and you almost outed me. The fuck! That's like rule number 1!

Then, later on she was complaining about dealing with her period and how it must be so easy to be a man. Which is fine, I understand, I don't mind really. But then she starts to talk about how her PCOS has her hormones all screwed up so she's basically bisexual and bigender. Like what the fuck?!?! You can't just decide that on a whim, in just the middle of a train of thought like it's no big deal.

Do you know how insulting, belittling, and hurtful that is to me. To basically say, the identity I've been struggling to understand my whole life, that has caused me so much pain and strife, that I'm just now starting to understand and accept, is no big deal. Who cares it's totally normal, it's just a minor hormone imbalance. IT'S A HUGE PART OF MY IDENTITY FOR CTHULHU'S SAKE!!! It took so much for me to get to where I am. 30 fucking years it's taken me to figure this out and I'm still not done! But oh no she just figures it out in the middle of a sentence and accepts it and moves on like it's meaningless. And since we are talking with my buddy who I'm not out to, I have to just sit there and try to ignore it or out myself. I ended up taking a hit of my vape and drinking too much to try and stay calm.

I'm so fucking mad right now.

I know it's just because she's manic, and she didn't mean anything by it. And honestly she probably didn't even know what she was saying plus I guarantee you she doesn't remember saying it. I want to talk to her about it but I don't really see the point. Ugh this really fucking ruined my night and now my whole day and probably my life until I can talk about it in therapy. Writing it down helps but I know I'm going to keep obsessing over it.

And for the first time in our marriage she decided she didn't want to sit with me, she needed her space, proceeds to decide she wanted to sleep wrapped up im a different blanket instead of under our weighted blanket with me, and then has the gaul to ask me to completely move all the the blankets out of the way and cuddle said other blanket with her inside and proceeds to curl up in the literal middle of the bed.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk

♡♡♡Nissa♡♡♡