Anyone just depresed af right now? How's life going?

01:15 (AM that is, but using 24 hour time format doesn't need AM/PM) here... zero sleep, listening to a bunch of depression music... :/

Living with family (family of origin, that is) but half of my family members are away... especialy mom...

You only learn to appreciate someone¹ once they're gone... this time for 30 days... one day its gonna be forever... 🥺 (¹mom that is, Idk how to feel about older brother, still haven't fixed the broken relationship since those series of fights about 7-9 years ago... )

Mom's so busy with my brother's marriage plans, haven't have much time to talk to me. Idk what to even say on the phone... I just wanna hear her voice... I kinda have a panic attach if i don't hear her voice or if she takes too long to respond...

I'm just feeling very suicidal rn