pronoun changes before/after transition

Hellooo First post. I need to vent to the internet as I feel shockingly terrible.

So i saw my GP to discuss the next step towards transition. She pointed me to a nearby (as rural areas go) doctor who knows about gender affirming care which is very cool.

During that she asked, just out of curiousity, if i was going to "socially transition" before or after medically transitioning.

For me, Ive decided to do so afterwards. Its just mentally painful for me to call myself a women while I look like the bloater from state of decay 2. Thats a terrible and comical way to put it but its how i feel and thats the image conjured in my mind.

I think its essentially that changing pronouns does very little for me while I am still a man physically speaking. And most its maybe a nice bump in happy chemicals and then a quick realisation that indeed I am still a man so i just feel terrible again.

Anyway, hope you have a nice day/evening :)